Elgarf Miscellany

Chicago 2016

2009-10-03T11:34:00.002-04:00

The more Obama does the prouder I get. He keeps proving that I was right and the democratic party was wrong. They picked the wrong horse. Has this clown nothing better to do than to leave the country and make a personal appeal at the International Olympic Committee for his "hometown" of Chicago? What did Michelle say? It's no holds barred? It was something inane like that. He likes to think he is making all these historic "firsts". No other sitting president has done this. Now we know why. Because when you don't come through it looks very pathetic. Is he trying to divert attention from his failing health care, war in Iraq-Afghanistan-Iran, and government-run automotive strategies? Yes. He cannot seem to run the country so he goes out and does what he is good at: campaigning.

How sad. Millions flocked to the polls to vote for their hopes and dreams. He has squandered them.

I said before and will reiterate here that the "First African-American President" thing was nothing but a gimmick. What are the history books going to say? "Barack Obama may have been the first African-American elected to the presidency, but he clearly wasn't ready for Prime-Time."

What a legacy. That's how I want to be remembered.

"YOU LIE!"

2009-09-15T17:46:00.004-04:00

You know what the worst thing about Joe Wilson's outburst was? The disrespect he showed for the office of the president? No. The contempt he showed for his colleagues? No. The result is simply this: the Do-Nothing Congress will continue to do nothing and now they have a mandate for it. Now they are debating whether there should be a resolution to reprimand Joe Wilson. Next will come the drafting of said resolution, the voting on said resolution and finally the passing of the same. What does this accomplish? Joe Wilson did a BAD thing. Don't you try to do a Bad thing like Joe Wilson in the future. We, the democrats, are in power, we put up with 8 years of Bush stomping on our rights and so now we are going to pass this resolution because we can.

That is all very true and I don't begrudge them that. But is this all they've got? A target that is this obvious? What happened to pursuing war-crimes charges of the previous administration? What happened to passing health-care reform so all Americans can afford a plan?

I've got a better idea. Let's waste more time reprimanding a guy who has already apologized for his rude conduct. This is why I now think of myself as an Independent. I was raised with the understanding that the Republicans look out for the rich. They are the bad guys. So, by default the Democrats must be the good guys looking out for the rest of us. Lately the party has fallen short of the mark. I don't have any new-found faith in the conservative movement but, for Chrissakes can't these Democrats get anything right?!

Nutrient / Waste

2009-09-10T15:06:00.002-04:00

As many of you know, since the election I have little to say on here. I heard something today, however, that was screaming at me to post so here it is:

Driving home from work I had on NPR's Talk of the Nation. While I have given up on All Things Considered I still like that Neil Conen and it usually makes for an interesting drive home, but that's not what the post is about. There was a promo for this weekend's "Living On Earth" which airs sometime Saturday afternoon here. The announcer led into the piece using the term, "Cow Patty." Sure enough it did its job and got my attention. Next thing you know some hippie chick is saying, "...we don't like to call it waste. We call it 'nutrient' because it is used to fuel our lamps and generate electricity."

Listen, honey. What you are doing is not noble. If you want to literally burn shit to fuel your eco-friendly "Green" lifestyle go ahead. It will help offset the gasoline I burn and the coal I waste when I don't turn off a light. And thank you for doing that for me, by the way. But you are still burning SHIT. You can give it any mother earth lovin' term you want but the fact remains that it is waste. If it is so full of nutrients and life why does the cow need to shit it out? Shouldn't they use those nutrients in their bodies? Maybe you should stop shitting as well.

Maybe you already have.

"everybody's gonna want a dose..."

2009-05-11T20:15:00.005-04:00

I am 35 and pretend to know a thing or two about music. Since I was a kid I have loved Quinn the Eskimo, not in a homo-erotic way, mind you. I'm referring to The Mighty Quinn, that Bob Dylan song about an eskimo or a drug dealer or whatever the hell he was supposed to be. I remember finding the track on Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Volume 2 in my uncle's record collection when I was probably 10 or 12. As I played that much anticipated band I was very disappointed to hear what sounded like a group of drunk individuals wailing to that beloved tune. Where were the whistles? Where was the emphasis on the "t" on "Come on withouttttttttttt"?

I have since added a number of Bob Dylan records to my own collection. Haven't found Quinn. I admitted defeat and put it out of my mind.

Well, I must have heard the song recently because it has been on my mind again. I went to iTunes looking for it. No luck. Then I did a Wikipedia search...

Manfred Mann! After Dylan wrote the song but before he released his own version of it Manfred Mann recorded the single in 1968. This is the one I have been looking for all these years. I know, I could have done a search sooner but it was just one of those things. I got distracted, forgot about it. At any rate I bought the song from iTunes and it is now on the iPod. I am looking forward to getting into Manfred Mann and finding other treasures. I thought they were just "Doo-Wah-Diddy" and "Blinded by the Light," both of which are good songs but they are no Quinn!

Ponzie Scheme

2009-03-16T17:37:00.004-04:00

Now I understand that Bernie Madoff was a bad guy and that he cheated a lot of people out of billions of dollars taking their investments and spending them. What I don't understand is what this has to do with "Ponzie."

Wasn't he that "square" on Happy Days that used to wear the cardigan and ride around on the motorcycle saying "Eyyyyy"? What was the name of the guy that played him? Anson Winkler I think it was. Yeah, he had that slicked back 50s style hair and was always kissing Marion Ross's ass, "It's very nice to see you Mrs. Cunningham" he would say and then he would hit the juke box with his elbow and get a free song out of it. Come to think of it, he was kind of a Jekyl and Hyde because it seems to me he would be wearing that brown leather jacket when he would hit the jukebox in Arnold's. Damn it! I saw that leather jacket at the Smithsonian! I never knew what Ron Howard saw in that loser but, Christ he idolized him! Well, at least he wasn't Ralph Malph, that red-headed rat-bastard.

But I digress, what the hell does Madoff have to do with this guy?

For a Friend

2009-02-27T15:21:00.004-05:00

Where's the CHANGE?

2009-02-01T16:06:00.004-05:00

As most of you know I did not vote for Barack Obama. If I had I would be very disappointed in him.

First let me say that I am very happy that the Bush mistake is over. This failed oilman should never been anywhere near a seat of authority, much less the highest office in the land/world. Nobody hated the man more than me. He certainly did everything in his power to destroy the United States as well as his own republican party.

Having said that, President Obama spent the endless campaign talking about change. Things will be done differently in Washington and corruption will be sent packing, unless of course you take into account the newly appointed Treasury Secretary who had a problem paying his taxes. Oh, yeah, and his nominee for Health and Human Services, Tom Daschle received $250,000 in car services from a friend. In all fairness, Daschle did report this. It just happened to be several years after the fact.

What do these tax cheats have in common with the low to middle income people who flocked to the polls in record numbers to crown Obama king? Nothing. You know, I have been going through the numbers in my head with the last 3 automobiles I have had and no matter what service was done to them I don't get $250,000. Now, clearly I am not a former Senator and Democratic leader but could someone tell me why this is OK?

This brings up another point I would like to make. Does anyone remember John Ashcroft? He was the sitting senator from Missouri running for re-election in 2000 against the popular Governor Mel Carnahan. Sadly, Governor Carnahan was killed in a plane crash shortly before the election. This didn't prevent him from unseating John Ashcroft. Shortly thereafter George Bush was appointed by the "supreme" court and he brought Ashcroft out of public political humiliation and appointed him Attorney General. We can thank him for the "Patriot Act" and that wonderful song "Let the Eagle Soar" that he penned and performed on Capitol Hill shortly after 9/11. Where was I going with this?

Oh, that's right. Daschle was a piss-poor leader in the senate that offered up no resistance to the republicans. He failed at his attempt for the presidency in 2004, thank god, and then was voted out of his senate seat in South Dakota. Hey, I've got a GREAT idea! Let's resurrect him like we did with Ashcroft!

So, instead of bringing new hope and new blood and change to a country that so badly needs it the president is coming across like a junior senator from Illinois. He is making poor choices, going back on campaign promises and has only been in office for 2 weeks. I can't wait to see what is to come!

Guitar Legend

2009-01-30T20:06:00.005-05:00

It all started in July. On a day off from my summer job I was invited to my cousin's place to play video games. She asked if I had ever played Guitar Hero. I hadn't. I didn't really actively avoid it (like I do with so many things) I just thought it was the newest craze that all the kids were into and that it wasn't really geared toward me. I couldn't have been more wrong.

We spent the afternoon playing GH III Legends of Rock. I picked up the easy level (the first three fingers playing Green, Red and Yellow) rather quickly and loved playing along with such favorites as The Seeker by the Who, Sunshine of Your Love by Cream and many others. I knew that I needed to jump on this bandwagon and quickly! The next day I bought the bundled pack of Guitar Hero and Guitar Hero 2 along with a guitar controller. I quickly moved up to the medium level (the fourth finger playing the Blue button) and fell in love with the blue-haired Pandora who took the stage each time I played.

It is six months later. I now have all the games available for the PS2: Guitar Hero, Guitar Hero 2, Encore: Guitar Hero Rocks the 80s, Guitar Hero III Legends of Rock, Guitar Hero Aerosmith, and finally Guitar Hero World Tour. I Have since graduated to the "Hard" level which requires the use of four fingers on five keys and, here's the reason for this post, just tonight I beat the first game on this level and achieved the rank of Guitar Legend! Don't get me wrong, I am fully aware of my inability to work the frets and strings of a "real" guitar, but this is still pretty fuckin' cool! Not only that but this particular game has opened up music to me that I never would have considered before: Killer Queen by Queen, Take Me Out by Franz Ferdinand, and Ace of Spades by Motorhead. These as well as many others from the other games (Muse, Danzig, Rage Against the Machine, Iron Maiden) are now in circulation on my iPod. I am anxiously awaiting the next installment in this very impressive series.

A Brush with Greatness

2009-01-23T15:50:00.007-05:00

The telephone rings.
The following ensues.

Answerer: “Hello.”
Caller: “Hello?”
Answerer: “Hello.”
Caller: “I’m callin’ about that ad you got in the paper about, uh garden and lawn equipment?”
Answerer: “Yes.”
Caller: “What kind ya got and where are... where can they be seen?”
Answerer: “Wh’I have lawn chairs.”
Caller: “That’s all?”
Answerer: “No! I have udda lawn chairs.”

So begins the "Lawn Equipment Debate" from the Jerky Boys 3 album released in 1996. Sol Rosenberg did indeed place the ad but the poor bastard making the call never does get the information he is looking for.

My first exposure to the Jerky Boys came in the fall of 1993 when my then roommate made passing references to them saying that he would see on Monday with his toolbox, f... face. Shortly thereafter the Chief, of the Chief's Forum brought volumes one and two into my world. Johnny B. and Kamal would make prank calls, record them and distribute them for our amusement. But these were no ordinary prank calls. Some were fictitious answers to real-life advertisements. Others were fictitious advertisements set up to elicit real-life responses. Whatever they were they were NEVER (except of course for "Pablo Honey") an annoying idiot giving you a hard time for no reason. They were clever, fresh, and unbeknownst to me at the time eternal. For better or worse they are now a daily occurrence. In everyday life I can hear the characters answering questions that are posed to me and have to restrain myself from laughing out loud.

"Why does he go on about this so?" you may be asking. Because today I received this through the mail:

To clarify, the cd reads: 'To Elgarf, JB "Sol" ' and the insert reads, "No! I have udda lawn chairs. Best wishes, JB aka "Sol Rosenberg" "

Now,I will not turn into an info-mercial here but I feel this needs repeating. I ordered the Jerky Boys (1) cd. I got an email saying they were out but that Johnny could sign Jerky Boys 2. They would include some cards and stickers as well. I replied that that was fine. So, for the original asking price I got no less than 4 personalized autographed messages from Sol Rosenberg himself!

Hey, Chief, I think you know what you have to do.

God Bless You, Hitler Boy!

2009-01-15T13:47:00.003-05:00

My sister brought this story to my attention and it is simply delightful. It's the little things like this that renew my faith in America.

In recent weeks one Heath Campbell was celebrating the third birthday of his son, Adolf Hitler Campbell. Adolf is the oldest of three children. His younger sisters are JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell. Anyway, the proud father ordered a birthday cake from the local Shop Rite with one simple request: write "Happy Birthday Adolf Hitler" on the cake. Apparently Shop Rite refused. They offered to bake the cake, decorate it and write "Happy Birthday" on it leaving enough room for the Campbells to write whatever message they wanted. This was not enough for the first-ammendment-quoting Herr Campbell who claimed discrimination. He decided the only thing he could do to set the situation right was to go to the media. When the papers published the story many subscribers were angry that such an incident would be reported shining such a negative light on their community that they cancelled subscriptions.

When asked if he was a racist, Herr Campbell explained that he wasn't. To prove this fact he pointed out that he had gotten rid of all the swastikas he had laying around the house.

OK. These are the facts as I know them. You can google "Hitler Boy" and get more details than I care to go into.

But let's stop and reflect on this for a moment.

I don't think I can even make a smart-ass comment. There really isn't anything to add.

At any rate the following was pasted directly from FOXNEWS.com

"A 3-year-old boy named Adolf Hitler and his two Nazi-named younger sisters were removed from their New Jersey home last week and placed in state custody, police said."

I would like to personally thank Herr Campbell for his contribution to the news cycle. I cannot think of another story in recent history that moved me as much as this one. From start to finish this IS InfoTainment at its best! You just can't make shit like this up!

Whatever happened to the epidemic?

2008-12-10T15:47:00.003-05:00

Does anybody know the answer to this? I can't remember the last time we had a really good epidemic, can you? I would say it has probably been a generation. We can't seem to wipe out cancer, but the epidemic is gone. Who did it? How did it happen? Can't we bring it back?

To back up just a little growing up in the 1980s there was a serious AIDS epidemic. I think we can all remember the Drugs epidemic that Nancy Reagan so boldly fought with her "Just Say NO!" campaign. On a lesser scale there used to be a flu epidemic that would go around during the winter months that people would go and get innoculated for only to get an early case of the flu and then avoid the upcoming epidemic. I still don't really understand that one.

Now wait just a minute, Mr. Smarty Pants Elgarf, you must be thinking. We still have the problems with AIDS, drugs, the flu, cholera in Zimbabwe...

Stop right there, asshole! These problems are so massive these days that we can no longer settle for the EPIDEMIC! These are goddamn PANDEMIC occurrences!

AIDS PANDEMIC! CHOLERA PANDEMIC! JOBLESS PANDEMIC! Everything is a goddamn pandemic. Why? Why did we never have pandemics before? Were AIDS and drugs less serious in the 80s? Certainly not. How could we possibly live through those epidemic times only to be faced with the pandemics of today? It scares the living shit out of me! My chances of falling victim to a pandemic are far greater than my chances of falling victim to an epidemic. I don't like that. It makes me want to stay inside and not come into contact with ANYONE! I felt much safer in the days of the epidemic. An epidemic is small scale (many individuals within a population, community or region at the same time, excessively prevalent-according to Webster's 9th New Collegiate Dictionary). A pandemic is large scale (occuring over a wide geographic area and affecting an exceptionally high number of the population-according to the same source). We can no longer afford to piss around with epidemics. These are pandemic times!

Wait a minute, when we look at ZIMBABWE and their Cholera PANDEMIC it would seem to fit more into the EPIDEMIC category: many individuals within a population? check. excessively prevalent? check. Covering a wide geographic area and affecting an exceptionally high number of individuals within a population? Not so much. Not yet. In fact I think if the situation over there gets any worse it could have the potential of becoming a Pandemic, but it isn't yet.

We are living in seriously X-TREME! times, sensational times, super-sized times, 24-hour news cycle times!

Everything is BIG, BIGGER, BIGGEST, or at least made out to be that way. I am sick of everything that comes across the news desk being reported in this way. Call it what it fucking is. Don't use "grand" words to make your story seem grander. Doing so reduces your gravitas, in Lord Elgarf's opinion.

The Worst Song of All Time

2008-12-01T18:23:00.007-05:00

A couple weeks ago I was on a road trip and flipping through the radio stations, giving my iPod a break. A local DJ was running a call-in show asking listeners for their choices for best and worst songs of all time. I was pleasantly surprised with some of the "best" answers. These included the entire Dark Side of the Moon and the title track from Yes' Close to the Edge album. The DJ was a big Motown/Doo Wop fan so there were a lot of entries from these categories too. But I have to say that the list of worst songs was kind of thin and, while I could see the point of the listeners and their disdain for certain songs, I don't feel that anyone actually captured the "Worst Song of All Time". One girl said, "anything by the Beatles. They are the most overrated band ever." Now I don't want her to like the Beatles and, it is true that they were hailed as the second coming of Christ (and more popular than him too!) but even their worst song, (Number 9! Number 9!) cannot be listed as the worst of all time. That is a very special honor that, to be honest, I really do not know who to bestow upon. I do, however have some suggestions:

Pink Floyd - The Dogs of War, 1986 Being a Pink Floyd fan this one is easy. It is clearly the worst thing to be released under the name of this legendary band, but since it was part of the aptly named A Momentary Lapse of Reason which is little more than David Gilmour's worst solo album it could hardly receive the historical title we are going for in this post. Besides, if you're not a fan you've probably never heard this piece of shit anyway.

ANYTHING by Billy Corgan and the Smashing Pumpkins - 1990s Do you remember this self-indulgent whining bitch? He fancies himself an artist, and believe me those people are the worst assholes of all. They believe that they are on a higher level of existence and deem it necessary to stoop down and explain it to the rest of us, the ignorant masses. Having been an art major I knew and worked with people like this. They live in their middle-class perfect worlds and want to interpret pain and angst they have never known so they whine into a microphone or onto a canvas. Everything that came out of that guy's mouth was shit. Then, as he was getting ready to release his 1990s "Concept" album, Mellon Collie blah, blah, blah, he proudly proclaimed to the world that it would be this generation's "The Wall." Well, gee, Billy that's an awfully large task. Thank you for taking it upon yourself to do that for your generation you arrogant FUCK! By the way, where the fuck is that lousy master piece of shit these days? Does anyone remember it?

What's Going On - by Four Non-Blondes from the 90s Now this is a serious candidate. Remember that out of tune screeching voice screaming into the microphone? I understand that Linda Perry went on to write music for other artists such as P!nk and Christina Aguilera but, clearly they have better voices than she does. No offense, Ms. Perry.

But I guess the song that I am submitting for this great honor of Worst Song of All Time is one that I had to turn off over the weekend. While I was helping my father at his place of business the satellite radio was tuned in to the 90s (you may notice that most of these candidates are from that horrid decade). The upstairs had cleared out and for the first time all evening I could actually hear the music. Sinead O'Connor was warbling "Nothing Compares to You." I had really forgotten how much I hate that song. I RAN over to the switch board and cut her off as fast as I could.Putting aside her silly behavior on SNL ripping a picture of the Pope in front of the camera and all of that Irish political angst her music really sucks. She was one of those idiots who somehow managed a record deal but had no discernible talent so to get attention she did really outrageous things. Her stint on Roger Waters' 1990 Wall production was just dreadful but, I will say this; she did somewhat redeem herself in 1996 singing back-up vocals on the late, great Richard Wright's solo album, Broken China.

Anyway, that is my list. I would love a good discussion arguing a "better" Worst Song. It really isn't as easy as one would think.

John Kramer and SAW

2008-10-26T21:18:00.009-04:00

For those of you unfamiliar with this series John Kramer is (was) an engineer, a loving husband and a cancer patient. Coming to terms with his own mortality made Mr. Kramer aware of time, how little of it we have and how some people just squander theirs. To correct this he puts his subjects through a series of tests. If the player follows the rules they come out a better person who appreciates the life that was given to them. If they fail it ends up in a sloppy mess that is really fun for the rest of us to watch.

I just watched Saw V and was impressed. It is strange that in a series of 5 movies the best is NOT the first one. Here is why. The original Saw featured Cary Elwes as the indifferent Doctor who diagnosed John Kramer, that irritating Monica Potter as his clueless wife and Danny Glover as the well-meaning but down-the-wrong-path detective who persecutes Elwes to the point of obsession. The central theme was good and the traps were fantastic but there was just something missing. That turned out to be Tobin Bell, the actor who plays John Kramer aka Jigsaw. We didn't get to know and love him until Saw II, which I think is the best in the series.

Saw II pits Jigsaw against dirty police detective Eric Matthews (played by New Kid Donnie Walberg) who plants evidence and beats confessions out of his "criminals". All the cop has to do is listen to Mr. Kramer and play by the rules and the officer's son will be found "in a safe place". Detective Matthews, however, is too hot-headed for this and spends his time mocking and abusing the ailing, oxygen-taking Mr. Kramer. After enduring an especially brutal beating Kramer declares "game over" and follows Matthews' directions but somehow things don't work out the way the detective planned.

My least favorite was Saw III. I thought it was overly cruel to the people involved in "the game", but it did give us the first behind-the-scenes look at how Jigsaw enacted his games and who helped him to do it. I must admit that I thought the series would end here, seeing that we watched John Kramer die in his make-shift hospital bed shortly after being forgiven by his test subject, Jeff, which I thought was a beautiful touch.

Saw IV took us behind the scenes and showed us how and why Jigsaw set out on his new line of "work", the people he trusted to continue his legacy, and what exactly happened to the characters from Saw II. It was most satisfying to see how Eric Matthews' storyline played out and those fantastic bastards made us wait until the fourth movie to tell us. I was a little skeptical about the continuation of the series upon my first viewing of this one, but after several more run-throughs it really does seem to fit like a glove. They got a really cool guy to pick up where Jigsaw left off.

This brings us to Saw V. Aw, hell, this post is too long-winded as it is. Suffice it to say that Saw V is every bit as good as Saw IV. The thing with these movies is that the good-guys and bad-guys are really hard to sort out. For all the horrific scenarios that Jigsaw creates, he never actually kills anybody. They ultimately make the decision to "live or die" (of course he does drug them, kidnap them and perform surgery to lock them into the traps, but that is beside the point). There are a lot of assholes in this series who get exactly what they deserve. Too often in life we don't get to see the asshole get what's coming to them. With SAW we always do. God bless you creators, writers, directors, producers and all the other crew responsible for giving us this satisfying series!

I would like to leave this post with a question: What is your favorite SAW trap? Which is your least favorite? I would love to chime in on the comments but would prefer others to get the ball rolling.

Contemplating Felicide

2008-10-22T15:28:00.003-04:00

It has been nearly 8 months since Musgrave took her leave. The last 5 have been somewhat of a transition.

It wasn't until my mid-twenties that I discovered I was a cat person. We took in a stray, then about a year and a half later I was chosen by Esmerelda (who I dubbed Musgrave), so on and so forth. As far as personality goes, I can be social but in my own time. I am loyal to a fault, but please don't piss with me. I found that cats seem to share these traits, at least ADULT CATS do.

You see above Miss Hudson K Elgarf. She tries me on a daily basis. She is my first AND LAST kitten. While I DO advocate the adoption of stray animals I strongly urge the would be "parent" to go for the older model. These young things can be a bitch!

"I see your hair is burnin'," "Give me my time," "Spork and Omtay"...An Anniversary of sorts

2008-10-13T21:45:00.001-04:00

Tonight, during a 4 hour drive back to the homestead the iPod shuffled its way to Jane's Addiction Live on Triple X Records.

"Well the rain came, I said hey, buddy now buddy the street is a snakeskin. I belong out there walking and nobody's stopping to bother me they hide, outside. The ceiling is crying. Listen to the sound of the gutters running, wash this dirty town all fronts and no backs give me my time let me be outside..."

It has been ten years since I first heard these lines. In October of 1998 the world, as I knew it, changed. Many things that I had known (and loved) crumbled around me forcing me to reevaluate everything. I don't really care to relive any of that unpleasantness, it just hit me as I heard those familiar notes that a decade has passed and I wanted or needed to address it.

Thanks for your indulgence.

Sad times...Winning by default

2008-10-07T22:44:00.003-04:00

I wish I could subscribe to this wave of "hope" that is sweeping over America. To me it seems like we are in desperate times and need some clear leadership to steer us through it. I DO NOT believe that Barack Obama is capable of turning the tide. I have not heard any proposals that should convince me otherwise. America, once again, appears to be on another page in a different book than the one I have been reading. Remind me of what exactly he has done to garner this great approval and blind faith. I could really use a pick-me-up right now because it seems to me that he will win this election simply because he is the democrat.

Once again I MUST reach out to you, the millions of NEW, ENERGIZED, DISENFRANCHISED voters who are coming to the process for the first time. Remind me, again, of why you have never been politically active in the past. What about this candidate has made you give a damn about this process, and WHY DID YOU NEVER CARE BEFORE??!!! We really could have used your help in 2000 when Al Gore SHOULD HAVE won by default, coming off of 8 years of job growth, prosperity and wars waged only to prevent genocide. We really could have used your help in 2004 when George Bush proved to be the evil, ignorant manipulator we always said he was and John Kerry SHOULD HAVE won by default. Now that the damage is done, you want this inexperienced, smooth-talking snake-oil salesman to take the reins of this nation?!

Alright, the republicans are BAD. They have led us POORLY. There is no question about it. But, just like your messiah likes to keep pointing out that we shouldn't have gone into Iraq, there are many things that the republicans should not have been allowed to do. What has the democratic congress done for the last 2 years but acquiesce to the president? Why is the Bush administration not forced from office and put on trial for war crimes?

On election day I will cast a symbolic vote for president. I do not have any illusion that John McCain will win but I do believe that he is the far superior candidate. You may cast your vote to elect the first African-American president, and I do not snicker at that, these truly are historic times. I, however, do not feel it is his time. He may earn my support after actually accomplishing something, not just bad-mouthing people who voted for the war. What the senator from Illinois doesn't seem to understand is that we are there in Iraq. It no longer matters that we were put there by an out and out lie in order to seek revenge on the enemies of the president's family. I don't care how Hillary voted and I don't care how senator McCain voted. The fact that Obama opposed it does not qualify him to be president. I opposed it. Should I be president? As a community organizer in Chicago Illinois he worked with troubled youth. In my own way I, too, work with troubled youth. Should I be president?

This whole election is preposterous. My only hope is that when things don't fit so neatly into the Obama puzzle that the media is every bit as "fair and balanced" as they have been throughout this decision making process. OF COURSE it is time to elect an African-American president but is this guy the best that community has to offer?

WTF?!?!

2008-10-05T18:29:00.003-04:00

Last night the Chief and I met up to see the movie, "Lakeshore Terrace," but that is not what this post is about. We had dinner and then went to a coffee shop to kill some time before the 7:05 show. While the Chief was deciding what fruity little coffee drink he wanted from the menu my eye wandered to the cooler down below. There I saw a bottle of the beverage you see above. I started laughing out loud.

How would you pronounce it?!

Anyway as I was looking up a picture for this post I came across this ad that ran in France. I thought it was just me being juvenile and selective with my pronunciation but now I think otherwise. What do you think they are trying to say?

What I like about Ann Coulter

2008-09-25T21:39:00.001-04:00

that shapely chick with the light brown curls

2008-09-21T20:37:00.009-04:00

I posted this story in a series of comments on another blog. Since it has nothing to do whatsoever with the author's original topic I decided to copy and paste it into a post on the Miscellany. The story, after all, is my own.

I was moonlighting in a second job over the summer, let's say in the service industry. It was a slow afternoon and this shapely young lady (late 20s-early30s) came up to me. She had shoulder-length pale brown hair and was wearing sunglasses that she soon placed on top of her head. I specifically remember the gray tank top she was wearing quite well and remember thinking that she was kinda' hot, although nowhere near as hot as she thought she was. Anyway, I waited on her for some time and she seemed to be getting restless, fumbling with her cell phone. She had a sandwich and was drinking Miller Lite. Soon she was joined by an older guy (mid-60s) wearing a grey hairpiece that was none too convincing. I don't recall what beer he ordered but I think it came in a green bottle, probably Yuengling. They started getting all cozy in their conversation and decided to order some shots of, let's say Jack Daniels. Being outside on the patio the "glasses" that I had available to me were made of plastic, this included the shot glasses. I set them down and started to pour. They looked at each other and started to mumble something. I said, "Excuse me?" They both proceeded to tell me that the glass I placed in front of them was only such and such milliliters and was not a full shot. I looked at them with a blank stare and said, "thank you?" Apparently they thought I needed to be educated by the likes of them. I then reached for the $7.00 that the sugar daddy owed me, he said, "oh, yeah, go ahead and take your money." Did he think I might do otherwise? Maybe give him a shot on the house? I don't know, but my relationship with these people went downhill from there.

You know what? Now that I think of it, the post really didn't remind me of this story. I just wanted to tell it and I guess that was as good an excuse as any.

September 15, 2008 12:49 PM

Elgarf said...
So, where was I? Oh, yeah. He didn't want another beer after I had screwed him on the shot (after they left I checked the bottom of the cup, it is clearly marked 1fl. oz-the same amount that a shot should be). By this time I began to wait on other customers. I came back to the two love birds at one point to find them gone, 2 empty beer bottles sitting on one dollar each. Let me correct that. The Miller Lite bottle was not empty. It had about one finger width of warm liquid sitting in the bottom that she had not drunk in the course of an hour. Obviously,

aw, shit. something came up.
i'll finish this later.

September 15, 2008 1:25 PM

Elgarf said...
Obviously, they had finished, left a dollar tip, and then went on their merry way to fornicate in some cheap motel.

Wrong.

As I went about serving the other customers "she" comes back to the bar. "Where's my beer?" she asked. I told her I threw it away when she left. "I didn't leave! I just went to the restroom!" she shouted. I forget how she put it but she let me know that this was the incorrect way for me to do my job. She began bitching to some female friends who had joined her at the bar. "Where's my dollar?" she bellowed. One of the friends commented that I must have assumed it was a tip and had already taken it, so I reached into the tip jar, pulled out a dollar and put it in front of her. "Well, can I have another beer?" she demanded.

I really didn't understand what was going through "her" head. It seemed to me that she was having a bad day and wanted to take it out on someone so she kept setting me up with these little tests which I repeatedly failed. WHO CARES?!

I put the new beer in front of her took her money and went to ring it up and wait on the other customers. The bar was pretty crowded at this point. As I walked past her sometime later she was bitching to her friend (who was actually very pretty, but, like my adversary she too was in the wrong). "I'm a bartender," she said "and you have got a lot to learn. You don't do that to customers."

September 21, 2008 5:03 PM

Elgarf said...
So I leaned forward, extended my hand and said, "you're a bartender? Congratulations, I'm very proud of you."

You should have seen the look on "her" face! It was priceless! It was like nobody had ever spoken to her like this before. The friend was equally shocked and horrified. Right about this time the owner came around the corner. The two of them spoke up saying, "Are you the owner? We need to talk to you about your bartender."

September 21, 2008 5:07 PM

Elgarf said...
What "they" didn't know was that my father was the owner. I explained to him what happened but he didn't seem to care. He was counting money or something. He then went around the bar and listened to their story. When he came back I asked what they said. He told me to relax, I had done nothing wrong just keep working. This pissed her off even more. She turned to the friend and said,"He's got his head shoved all the way up his dad's fat ass." That is a quote. I leaned forward and got really close to her before I said, "you know, you're really charming." I didn't shout just said it "matter-of-factly".

She was enraged. "Do you think I care what you think of me?!" she shouted.

"But I'm supposed to care what you think of me?" I returned. "She" was out of her league. "Why are you so hostile to me?" she demanded. At that point she and the friend stood up to leave. As she was leaving the bar I picked up her second empty Miller Lite bottle. I held it up and asked her if I could throw this one away. "Are you coming back? Maybe I better not throw this out." I looked over at two other women who had been sitting with but NOT commisserating with her. I told them, "I think she might be coming back." They started to laugh. She shot me one last dirty look before she walked out of my life.

September 21, 2008 5:31 PM

Elgarf said...
Shortly thereafter the two remaining friends spoke up. "We're bartenders too," one of them said, "and she had no right to treat you that way." I thanked her and told her that I wasn't really a bartender by trade, but just helping my dad. She said it didn't matter and I didn't deserve the hard time she was giving me but that I handled the situation quite well. They stayed late into the night and left a rather decent tip.

What is the moral of this story? Mind your own goddamn business. Don't go looking for trouble, and leave me the fuck alone!

September 21, 2008 5:36 PM

Echoes

2008-09-20T19:00:00.011-04:00

Call me Mr. Ganz.

Let me explain, Mr. Ganz of Ganz, Laytom & Ganz LLC is a music collector. His library of recordings is unmatched by anyone I know, or know of. It is so large in fact that he just doesn't get around to listening to everything he has purchased. I used to think that was strange, that is until I fell victim to the same phenomenon.

I discovered something today which I did not know I had. On a recent visit to Amazon.com I saw that David Gilmour is to release a new live album later this month which will feature a live performance of Echoes from his 2006-07 "On an Island" tour. This was very exciting to me. I have always said that the guys did in 23 and a half minutes on Echoes what took them 43 minutes on Dark Side of the Moon. Echoes is simply a beautiful piece with lead vocals shared by David Gilmour and the late, great Richard Wright. It occurs in movements from the echoing opening notes to the classic Floyd sound in the first segment to the jazz transition piece to the whale sounds to the closing vocals and the gentle fade out finale.

On a whim I decided to take a look at 2007's "Remember that Night: David Gilmour Live at the Royal Albert Hall." I bought it as soon as it was released and watched and listened to the entire On an Island set. I, however, did not listen to the classic Floyd set. When I looked at the box tonight I saw that Echoes was a part of the second set. Why had I not seen this before? The best that I can come up with is that I did not spend much time reading the box in the store. I knew I wanted it and that was that. Now I know I viewed disc 2 and the above-mentioned parts of disc 1. I guess I just didn't care to hear Wish You Were Here and the like. At any rate I was completely blown away by Echoes.

As some of you may know on the 2001 release Echoes:The Best of Pink Floyd the fifth track is a shortened version of the title track. Echoes is pared down from 23 to 14 minutes (give or take). It was a staple of the Floyd shows throughout the 70s but very little has been heard of it since. So, you can imagine my surprise and great delight to watch and hear this favorite track being sung by Messrs. Gilmour and Wright in a 22 minute live performance. I only regret that I will not be able to see this done in a future show.

So I would like to thank Dave and Rick for recording what would turn out to be some of Mr. Wright's final performances. It gives us a glimpse of what it must have been like to see the Pink Floyd at their best.

I don't want to live forever.

2008-09-19T17:59:00.003-04:00

I just want to live longer than Phil.

I hope that is not too much to ask.

During a recent visit with the Chief, the most Reverend Fr. O'Malley, and Mr. Ganz of Ganz, Laytom & Ganz LLC, Lord Elgarf was treated to the wonders of the internet in the form of a personal search. They had typed in certain names and were showing me all of the info you could dig up on a person. I asked them to look up one Phil P. Duesphol from my sordid past. He was a roommate in college and has the distinct honor of being one of 2 human beings that Mr. Elgarf harbors true hatred for (the other, of course, being george w bush). Phil had called me during the summer of 1993 and let me know that we would be roommates. We told each other about ourselves and seemed to have everything in common. When I finally met him, the similarities began to drop like flies. It turns out that Phil was nothing but a pathetic liar. He soon joined a fraternity and turned his loyal "brethren" against me, even though we were neighbors and had a friendly relationship aside from Phil. It was actually kind of sad the way it happened. I would see Tiny or Gig (jig) in the hall or on campus and say hello. They would look down at their feet and scurry away as if to say, "I would really like to say hello but with the guidelines put forth by this brotherhood that I paid a substantial amount of money to become a member of I simply cannot. I wish you no harm (Lord Elgarf) but am simply unallowed to say hello to you."

Obviously the ignorant fucks weren't that eloquent, but you get the gist. All that was bad enough, but then the pathetic phoney threatened physical harm on me. He was going to throw me out of the second floor window, as I recall.

Anyway, it has been 15 years and the fires haven't died. I promised myself back then that I would water Phil's grave,

WITH MY OWN PISS!!!!!!!!

As you can imagine, I was very disappointed to find that Phil was still living in small town Pennsylvania with that skinny little bitch he was dating at the time. When I told the Chief this he wanted to know where I wanted him to be living! Imagine that! I said, "NO THAT'S THE PROBLEM!"

So, as awful as it may sound, I want to outlive Phil. I don't care if he lives to be 90, as long as I can live one day longer to make that pilgrimage to that small town in Pennsylvania. Hell, I don't care if I stop breathing in mid-stream, as long as I get to water that asshole's grave.

Amen.

Remember a Day

2008-09-15T17:36:00.010-04:00

Remember a day before today
A day when you were young
Free to play along with time
Evening never comes

Sing a song that can't be sung
Without the morning's kiss
Queen you shall be if you wish
Look for your king

Why can't we play today?
Why can't we stay that way?

Climb your favourite apple tree
Try to catch the sun
Hide from your little brother's gun
Dream yourself away
Why can't we reach the sun?
Why can't we blow the years away?

-RW 1968

Richard Wright
28 July 1943 - 15 September 2008

Rock Ass Shit

2008-09-13T21:39:00.008-04:00

As many of you know, one of Lord Elgarf's favorite pastimes is collecting vinyl lps. With the advent of the MP3 I've been having a blast importing, converting and listening to these classic tracks on the ipod. One of my favorite collection titles is ROCK ASS SHIT. I had a series of these cds which I would keep in the car and, as you can imagine, the cd library got larger and more difficult to transport, but, DAMMIT, I didn't care! I brought them along anyway!

At any rate I have been working for the last few weeks compiling a ROCK ASS collection that incorporated the old playlists with some new ones. I have listed below the first 60 tracks in this series.

Can't Explain 1965 2:09 The Who Meaty, Beaty, Big...
Break on Through 1967 2:33 The Doors The Doors
Sunshine of Your Love 1967 4:17 Cream Disraeli Gears
Born on the Bayou 1969 5:18 Creedence Clearwater Revival Bayou Country
Carry On 1970 4:30 Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young Deja Vu
No Time 1970 3:55 The Guess Who American Woman
What is and What Should Never Be 1969 4:50 Led Zeppelin Led Zeppelin II
Gimme Shelter 1970 4:39 The Rolling Stones Hot Rocks
From the Beginning 1972 4:18 Emerson, Lake and Palmer Trilogy
Woodstock 1970 4:01 Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young Deja Vu
Jessica 1973 7:11 The Allman Brothers Band Brothers and Sisters
Another Park, Another Sunday 1974 4:28 The Doobie Brothers What Were Once Vices...
Stealin' 1973 4:57 Uriah Heep Sweet Freedom
No Sugar Tonight/New Mother Nature 1970 5:01 The Guess Who American Woman
Peace Frog/Blue Sunday 1968 5:04 The Doors Morrison Hotel
Heartbreaker/Living Loving Maid 1969 7:01 Led Zeppelin Led Zeppelin II
Foreplay/Long Time 1976 7:53 Boston Boston
Light Up 1975 4:17 Styx Equinox
Angel of Mercy 4:36 Dire Straits Communique (LP)
Two Tickets to Paradise 1977 4:04 Eddie Money Eddie Money
Crazy on You 1976 4:56 Heart Dreamboat Annie
Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin' 1979 3:57 Journey Evolution
Bloody Well Right 1974 4:33 Supertramp Crime of the Century
The Seeker 1970 3:16 The Who Meaty, Beaty, Big and Bouncy
20th Century Fox 1967 2:40 The Doors The Doors
Hey,Hey What Can I Do 1970 4:05 Led Zeppelin The New Age of Atlantic
Blackwater 1974 4:17 The Doobie Brothers What Were Once Vices...
More than a Feeling 1976 4:50 Boston Boston
Midnight Rider 2:59 Allman Brothers Band Beginnings 2 (Idlewild South)The Southern Cross 1982 4:48 Crosby, Stills and Nash Daylight Again
Ramble On 1969 4:25 Led Zeppelin Led Zeppelin II
Naked Eye 1969 5:23 The Who Odds and Sods
Closer to Home 1970 10:06 Grand Funk Railroad Closer to Home
Starship Trooper 9:35 Yes The Yes Album
Ride My See-Saw 3:44 the Moody Blues Anthology
Solsbry Hill 4:20 Peter Gabriel Peter Gabriel
Lorelei 1975 3:29 Styx Equinox
Gimme Some Water 1978 3:42 Eddie Money Life for the Taking
Heaven and Hell 4:58 John Entwistle Smash Your Head...
Lovely to See You 2:39 the Moody Blues Anthology
Going for the One 5:36 Yes Going for the One
The Grand Illusion 1977 4:35 Styx The Grand Illusion
Baby Hold On 1977 3:35 Eddie Money Eddie Money
Do It Again 1972 5:57 Steely Dan Can't Buy a Thrill
My Size 3:57 John Entwistle Smash Your Head...
21st Century Schizoid Man 7:23 King Crimson Court of the Crimson King
Roundabout 8:36 Yes Fragile
Fooling Yourself 1977 5:29 Styx The Grand Illusion
Free Four 1972 4:17 Pink Floyd Obscured by Clouds
Gemini Dream 4:07 the Moody Blues Anthology
Don't Take Me Alive 1976 4:16 Steely Dan The Royal Scam
Song for Sonny Liston 5:31 Mark Knopfler One Take Radio Sessions
South Side of the Sky 8:09 Yes Fragile
Apron Strings 3:47 John Entwistle Whistle Rymes
The Low Spark of High Heeled Boys 11:43 Traffic The Low Spark of High Heeled Boys
Games Without Frontiers 4:03 Peter Gabriel Peter Gabriel
I've Got a Feeling 3:38 The Beatles Let it Be
Come Sail Away 1977 6:01 Styx The Grand Illusion
I Know What I Like In Your Wardrobe 4:14 Genesis Selling England by the Pound
Whipping Post 5:29 Allman Brothers Band The Allman Brothers Band

Some tracks don't have the date of release on them. This is pure laziness on my part. I have the information but didn't label them at the time and just didn't feel like looking them up now. You will also notice that many of my personal favorites are absent from the list. While "Black Cow", "Dogs", "Thick as a Brick" and countless others rank far higher on my personal list, they really do not fit in well with theses other tracks be it for length of time or difference in style. I have arranged them so that one song logically flows into another and am happy with the results. The current play time is 4.9 hours.

What do you think of this list? What would you add or subtract? As I said these are just the first 60 there are many more to come. What is my collection lacking? I look forward to hearing your suggestions.

Scaredy-Crats

2008-09-12T15:40:00.002-04:00

For once I agree with an Obama supporter. Jamal from (insert city here) is currently speaking to Ed Schultz's surrogate Nor Man Gold Man and pleading him to stop attacking Sarah Palin. MCCAIN, MCCAIN, MCCAIN is Jamal's issue. I have earned some new respect for the Obama crowd.

Why is it that two weeks later the democrats are still harping on this woman? What happened to that sugar-high induced by "I have a dream" part 2? Why are you folks so threatened by Senator Palin?

At this point in the game, you are coming off of 8 years of the worst administration in history. Once again the democrats should have this election wrapped up no contest, just like in 2000 and 2004. They should be singing the praises of their messianic candidate and holding public appearances where he performs minor miracles for the crowd (major miracles could easily go for $1000 a plate). But what do we get? "You can put lipstick on a pig and you still have a pig". She has no experience. She is not ready to lead this nation. Talk about the pot calling the kettle "black."

And what is the deal with the sudden importance of Hillary Clinton? I have heard from several sources that she needs to be out there stumping for Obama day and night. Why? If she was not qualified enough to be your candidate and you can do this thing without her why are we pissing and moaning that she won't attack Sarah Palin? SHE OWES YOU NOTHING!

Please tell me, oh great democrats, that you are not scared that when it comes down to issues and qualifications that John McCain beats you. If having a female Vice-Presidential candidate really threatens your "First Black Party Nominee" status you are admitting to all of us that this was nothing more than a gimmick and a gamble. Isn't Senator Obama worth more than that? Why does Governor Palin threaten Senator Obama so? The number of days served in their respective positions is the same. They ARE EQUALLY QUALIFIED.

So, that is that. Governor Palin is the least of our worries. Let's get back to the facts or lack thereof.

Got Over It

2008-09-04T18:58:00.002-04:00

You know, in retrospect, those people were right. All those people who said that all the Hillary fans need to just get over it and focus on the general election. I admit it was difficult, but she lost and Obama won. Time heals blah, blah, blah. The primary is long over and the same will soon be said about the conventions. We as Americans need to focus on the future and getting this country back on the right track. After listening to Governor Palin speak last night I was given a new HOPE. There is definitely CHANGE on the way and I am very excited to take part in this historical election! It is about time that we get the female perspective in the executive branch and since the democrats didn't have someone to fit the qualifications at least the Republicans do.

In 2000 I voted AGAINST bush. Then in 2004 I voted AGAINST him again. In the spring of 2008 I voted FOR Hillary and in the fall I was looking forward to voting AGAINST Barack Obama. I am proud to say that now I will be voting FOR John McCain and Sarah Palin.

Philosophy is the talk on the coffee cups...

2008-08-31T11:51:00.002-04:00

I paraphrase Edie Brickell in this post's heading because I was very much impressed with something I saw at Starbuck's. Sitting across from one Mr. Ganz I noticed the "The Way I See It #239" peeking out from under the brown, corrugated safety band on his cup of decaf. I asked him to remove the band so I could read and then criticize the banal ramblings printed on the recycled paper. I was pleasantly surprised. Here is what was written:

The way I see it
Isn't necessarily
The way you see it
Or the way it is
Or ought to be
What's more important
Is that we're all
Looking for it
And a way to see it

-Desi DiNardo
author and poet, she lives in Toronto, Canada

I know that a lot of my posts seem totalitarian, and undiplomatic but it all comes down to what is said in the above poem. I am looking for answers just like the rest of you. I won't tell you that you are wrong if you don't tell me I'm wrong.

CJE

God bless Charles Barkley

2008-08-27T16:15:00.003-04:00

In a recent CNN interview Charles Barkley stated that if white people don't vote for Senator Obama he can't win.

Talk about profound. He then said that when we get into that voting booth the white man will not be able to trust the black man to vote for him. Whoa. I guess it doesn't come down to issues, qualifications, experience, flip-flopping or anything else.

Well, geez, I guess when you put it that way I have to vote for the black man!

Now that is the way to win an election!

Shame on you, Hillary.

2008-08-27T15:17:00.003-04:00

I did not listen to your speech last night. My mind is already made up. Unfortunately I heard clips this morning on OPR. How dare you put it on my shoulders! "Did you do this just for me or did you do it for that soldier that (blah,blah,blah) or that mother that (blah, blah, blah)?"

To answer your question I did not vote for you to help that soldier. Nor did I vote for you to help that mother. I voted for you because you were the best candidate. The work you did as first lady had been unseen since Eleanor Roosevelt left the White House. I voted for you because you have years of experience in the senate. I voted for you because after 8 years of selfishness and greed in the White House it is a fond memory to think back on the Clinton years where there was a concern for the American citizen. I voted for you because there WAS a vast right-wing conspiracy that was played out in a failed impeachment. I voted for you because I feel it was wrong for the democrats to turn on you and all but admit that the right wing was right to persecute you and the president.

You may rally your troops and throw your votes to Obama. You have a political future to work on and can't jeopardize that. Fortunately, I don't have to worry about that. I would rather concede a few issues to the republicans than swallow the swill that you and the other liberals are throwing around. "John McCain said this and John McCain said that," all that is fine but, make no mistake. I DON"T HAVE TO VOTE FOR OBAMA! I think it is frightening how everyone is clamoring to this new messiah who has never been put to the test and has proven nothing. Your party failed me in 2000. Your party failed me in 2004. George Bush is now taken off the table. I don't believe ANYBODY would make the decisions that this asshole has made. So, you can lump McCain together with Bush and tell us we can't vote for him but all you are doing is making me sad. Maybe I was wrong to put faith in you in the first place.

McCAIN 08!

Loss?

2008-08-24T14:40:00.004-04:00

Having been away from the homebase this summer I did not get to post as frequently as I would have liked, nor could I comment on some of the events that have occurred over the last couple months. Today I was listening to George Carlin's "Occupation Foole" on vinyl. I came to realize that even though the material is thirty-five years old it is not dated. Sure, there are references to the then current Nixon administration, but what has always made his comedy work is the way he relates it to us. "Little things we all share", "People I could do without" and other lists could be filled out individually by any of us, but Mr. Carlin took them to the extreme and pulled us all in. He had a different way of viewing the world. He wouldn't take anything at face value and always looked at the other possibilities. He pointed out the absurdity in common, everyday phrases and events and asked us why we accepted them as such. I have always been a cynic so his "comedy" seemed to find me without my ever looking for it. It is as much a part of my personality as the music I listen to, the movies I watch and the politics I support (and abhor).

I was at my mom's when the Chief called and said, "we lost Mr. Carlin." I heard him correctly but wanted him to repeat it just to help it sink in. My first thought was quite strange. It wasn't a feeling of sorrow or loss, and to be honest I don't really know how to express it. Maybe the Chief could fill us in on that, after all he was talking to me at the time. The best way I could put it was that Mr. Carlin had done his work and it was time for him to move on. He gave us all the instructions we needed and now we're on our own.

I have included three drawings of people who have influenced me and have moved on. The first that you see is Hunter S. Thompson, the second is Roger Keith "Syd" Barret of Pink Floyd, and finally we have Mr. Carlin. I admit that the last one is a little rough, but I wanted to do something quick and there it is. I am especially proud of the first two. All three individuals represent various aspects of the counter-culture of the 60s and 70s and, while they are no longer with us in body, they live on through their material and will continue to inspire the masses, giving them alternate points of view. So, I guess its not so much of a loss after all.

Thanks, guys.

Barack Obama IS Arrogant and Uppity

2008-08-05T14:25:00.003-04:00

It has been awhile since I have ranted and I think this time I have good cause. There is a lot of talk recently about whether or not we can call Senator Obama "Uppity" or "Arrogant". I heard an African-American commentator on CNN say that these are coded words white people use to say that a black man does not know his place.

Let that sink in for a minute.

George Bush is an arrogant, uppity, ignorant Texas hick. He thinks he can do anything he wants because he is president.

Al Gore is an arrogant, uppity, holier-than-thou Tennessee hick who thinks he knows more than us because he wrote a book on the environment.

John Kerry, Rush Limbaugh, John Edwards, Sean Hannity: all these assholes are uppity and arrogant. They think they know more than us, they talk down to us, they don't know their places. In fact, I would say that yours truly, Lord Elgarf himself can be arrogant and uppity. What the hell does this son-of-a-bitch know about anything? Yet he sits at his keyboard from somewhere in the midwest and spouts this bullshit like he knows something. Arrogant Uppity Prick!

Back to my original point. Barack Obama IS arrogant and uppity. He has no track record. He did not win his senate seat. He told us all that he was much more qualified than Hillary because she was the old politics and we need change. His whole campaign has been old politics since Hillary dropped out. His followers, including the press have made him out to be the second coming of Christ and he accepts this and believes it himself.

Barack Obama IS arrogant and uppity. If you truly think that makes me a racist then you are clearly showing your own ignorance. YOU are harboring resentment for a race other than your own. You cannot even make an argument to defend your messiah. Writing me off as "racist" is far easier than actually defending the very thin resume, lofty rhetoric, and constant flip-flopping of the inexperienced Senator from Illinois. Fuck you very much.

A visit with uncles Walt and Don

2008-07-15T00:51:00.010-04:00

This is my fifth visit in the last 12 years. Believe me, if I could see them more often I would. The lag in between has more to do with their schedules than mine. It has been two years since I have seen Uncles Walt and Don and it really did feel like a reunion of sorts.

I grew up listening to these guys. My parents didn't play the records, but the radio stations they listened to played all of the (then) current hits of Steely Dan. Getting a 3 year jump on me, they released their third album, Pretzel Logic the year I was born. All of the earlier hits were still fresh and being played in constant rotation.

Fast-forward to 1992. I was away at college, sitting at the desk in my dorm room looking for a classic rock station on the FM dial. The one I found was questionable, but far better than any of the other shit I could find. They had a penchant for playing Peg, which I have always loved, and other memorable tunes by this Steely Dan. I was a member of a music club at the time and was able to get my hands on some of their stuff. I was amazed at how much I knew! It was definitely a warm homey feeling for a kid living away from home for the first time. And the songs that I didn't know displayed the talents of these jazz-rock studio musicians as well as the songwriting skills and musicianship of the aforementioned "uncles".

At any rate I have recently seen Steely Dan live on the "Think Fast '08" tour. The following is the song list they played that evening.

Introduction: Instrumental by the band featuring
-Everyone's Gone to the Movies and the Fez
The Royal Scam
I Got the News
Show Biz Kids
Everything You Did
Two Against Nature
Hey Nineteen
Godwhacker
Babylon Sisters
New Frontier
Gaucho (Walter Becker on lead vocals)
Glamour Profession
Parker's Band (lead vocals by the ladies)
Josie
Aja
Keep Me Yearning (Walter Becker introduces the band during vocals by the ladies)
Peg
FM (No static at all)

Encore: Kid Charlemagne

While I was disappointed that Pretzel Logic and Don't Take Me Alive were not included in the (very thin) ONE song encore, that was my only disappointment. These guys love what they are doing and love to share it with us. Even the songs that I skip over on the albums kick ass live. They change, adapt, take on new personalities by whoever is happening to be in the touring band this year... which brings me to Aja. Whenever I hear any track from this phenomenal album I am transported to my childhood home on a summer's night many years ago. I found a mint copy on vinyl and bought it because it had "Peg" on it, however, only three songs on Side One forewarned me that this was not an ordinary album. Little did I know that new doors would soon be open to me. I took it home and vividly remember sitting on my bed, in the dark, "absorbing" the album as I had done with Dark Side of the Moon a few years before. Anyway, the coming off of Josie and sliding right into Aja sparked something. I sat down, closed my eyes, and just experienced this living, breathing, creature that was the music produced by this group of individuals. It literally brought tears to my eyes. I realized that generations to come will look back on this and say, "I wish I was there...". Hell, I do that with certain events.

Whatever tomorrow may bring, I count myself very fortunate to have had the opportunity to spend 5 evenings with Donald Fagen and Walter Becker sharing their chunk of American History with me.

a new member of the family

2008-06-17T16:17:00.005-04:00

Have you ever been to Silent Hill? If not I highly recommend a visit. Whether it is through the original title released in 1999 for Sony's Playstation, the four follow-up titles for the PS2 or the 2006 film release it is always a memorable journey. The basic story for any of these is that the main character is somehow called to this eerie town for reasons they can't imagine. Once there they encounter Alessa Gillespie, her mother Dahlia, a strange local religious group with questionable practices and, most importantly, the town itself.

There are two sides to Silent Hill and I don't think I am spoiling any surprises to briefly discuss them here. The first side is that of an abandoned town covered in a mysterious gray which is either mist, ashes or some other concoction. Most of the buildings are still standing and look as if they have recently been inhabited, but there is never anyone to be found. The story unfolds as you pick up clues that lead you from place to place in what never fails to be a VERY solitary experience. The second side is the pitch-black, rust-covered undershell of the town where the past is very much alive and manifests itself in the form of some very bizarre, twisted, fleshy remnants of beings that stalk you. It is here that much of the truth reveals itself. Your job is to unite the pieces from both sides and try to bring about some closure.

While considered a "survival horror" game, Silent Hill does NOT employ the gotcha tactics made famous by other such titles as Resident Evil. I remember the first time I played that one and the dog came crashing through the window and I almost lost it. Silent Hill doesn't surprise or startle you in such a superficial way. It is truly a creepy, unsettling experience. It is like you are walking through some sort of nightmarish hell. The only light in the darkness comes through the cone projected by your clip-on flashlight. You are always aware of approaching monsters because your transistor radio does NOT play music but turns up the static when danger approaches. The soundtrack, with its heart-pounding sounds definitely sets the tone for this dark, forboding town.

Anyway, the title of this entry deals with family. I got a kitten on Memorial Day with great help from my sister. She thought it was time, and I must have too.
Well, I have been dealing with a lot of hissing and swatting from Brunton, a cat who I have had for nearly 9 years and who, apparently, doesn't like kittens. This has disrupted the environment and it has been difficult to accept her as a family member. That has all changed recently.

While playing Silent Hill Origins, the newest PS2 release and prequel to the series, I had turned off the kitchen light. The music was turned up and I was just looking around at the decay, the rust, the blood and really just feeling the gloom created by this game when BAM! I was hit by something. I jumped out of my chair and looked down to see Ms. Hudson (as illustrated above). I very nearly pissed myself! Now it is a well-known fact that the late, great Musgrave had a knack for doing this. Being jet-black she moved silently through the shadows and would appear as if out of nowhere. It made the Silent Hill experience even more thrilling! Now it seems as if she has someone to carry on her legacy. It was at that moment that Hudson became a member of the elgarf family. Now I just need to convince Brunton.

Crabby

2008-06-17T15:52:00.002-04:00

I found this on Topsail Beach in Surf City, NC and thought it was worth drawing. There are many more like it, as well as other shells, rocks sand etc. that I picked up. I do plan to make some sort of sculpture or at least a still-life to create more drawings.

HALF MAST???

2008-06-16T16:38:00.004-04:00

I just heard a report that there is a proposal to name a bridge (or was it a stretch of highway?) after the late, great Tim Russert. This bit was followed by the report that flags were being flown at half-mast in his memory. The first thought that entered my mind was what you see in the title bar. Does this guy really warrant that kind of recognition?

As it sank into this thick skull (of which so many of you are familiar) I realized that, yes, indeed Mr. Russert has earned that honor.

I would be lying if I said I was a great fan of his and faithfully watched Meet the Press every week. I'm not and didn't. I don't even have cable! However, I cannot think of a week in the last ten years or so when I did not hear his voice, or the thought provoking questions he asked of EVERYONE. No matter where I got my news, I would hear that so and so had said on, "Meet the Press," this that or the other thing, and then the radio station would play the clip with that memorable voice. There is no denying that it was the most respected AND respectable of the weekend political roundup shows. I guess "freedom of the press" is easily taken for granted in a society that monitors the movement and reproductive habits of Britney and her kid sister, but, damn, if Tim Russert wasn't like a branch of government! Always well informed of his topics he would ask the questions we all wanted answered by our public officials, and to their faces! It didn't matter what party was being represented by his guest, Mr. Russert went for the truth on our behalf.

So, for what it's worth, I may not be a great fan but I will certainly miss Tim Russert. I guess he was just one of those things that you don't really appreciate until they are gone.

The Nominee

2008-06-03T17:36:00.002-04:00

Well, I guess it is all over but the crying. Hillary is to make an announcement tonight. Mara Liason reports that Barack Obama's biggest job now is to unite his party. That hit me, HIS party.

She is absolutely correct. This is not the party that the Clinton's reclaimed in 1992 ending 12 years of Reaganomics. This is not the party that was beaten up and destroyed by Newt Gingrich in the following years.

This IS the party that rolled over and allowed the Republicans to carry out their vast right wing conspiracy, running for cover as the bogus impeachment unfolded. This party is the limp party that lost to the ignorant hick failed governor of Texas in the year 2000. They needed to distance themselves from the Clintons back then, and aren't we all glad they did? This is the party that let George Bush (still an ignorant hick but now a failed president) waltz to victory in 2004. He had nothing to his credit. He SAID we were safe from terrorists, but were we really? This is the party that won a landslide victory in 2006 because the ignorant fucking population of these glorious united states said, "you know what? Duh, this Bush isn't a very good leader." No fucking shit. Too little too late, asshole. All of a sudden EVERYBODY thinks the war was a mistake. They vote the Republicans out and vote the democrats in. What do the democrats do? With the historical first female Speaker of the House, Nancy Pilossi at the helm they rolled over and let the president continue to sodomize us.

Thanks, guys.

So, now Obama has to unite HIS party.

I'd say HIS party is united and ready to go - all of these "enlightened" first-time voters who were brought to the process by this beautiful, eloquent, HOPEFUL man. Believe me, all those assholes are united.

What happens to us, though, those of us who simply don't buy it? Believe it or not there is a solid block of voters like me who have voted for years before this guy came along. Now I know we can't disenfranchise the new voters, so I guess that means we disenfranchise the old voters. Once again, I tip my hat to the wisdom of this wonderful, all-knowing party. Should King Obama stoop down and offer the VP slot to Hillary? No. He simply can't. To do that he would have to announce "It is true. I am a whore. The Clintons are not as bad as all that. In fact, one of them might make a GREAT VP." If he does have the balls to do this, and she has the balls to accept, I will not write in a candidate (as I am now leaning), but will vote Republican.

Now, we know he's a whore, but should he really admit it to all of the people who actually buy his shit?

The first choice for VP needs to be Oprah Winfrey. Let's be honest, she helped that campaign in inestimable ways. That would take care of the female vote. The second choice should be Senator Edward Kennedy. By endorsing him at the high point of the campaign and giving him the blessing of all the Kennedys, living and dead, Teddy deserves a taste of the office that he could never achieve on his own merits. Now I know he is infirmed at this point, but reports today say that he is up and walking and listening to the news. I'm no doctor but I would say that in 4-6 weeks he could be on the campaign trail. The third choice should be Bill Richardson. Having risen to prominence through the help of President Bill Clinton who else could know the weaknesses that Hillary would bring to the table. By turning on the Clintons he greatly helped the Obama campaign.

There is a lot of talk out there about just how hard the Clintons are going to work for Obama. "If they truly love the party they will work their hearts out," has been said time and time again. But, clearly, the party wants nothing to do with them. I will be very disappointed to hear that either of them campaigns for this clown. If the party can do it without them then I wish the party the best of luck. This has been a disgraceful display by self-serving hypocrites.

"__MN"

2008-05-21T16:51:00.002-04:00

I have to give my dear sister credit for this post. I so desperately wanted a topic other than politics and she handed this one to me on a silver platter.

I received a phone call around 3:00 pm this afternoon. Obviously, it was the above mentioned sister. She started to relay a story to me and asked if I remembered the coloring/activity pad belonging to my niece that has the lion on the cover. Off-handedly, I replied that I may not have seen it. "I think you have," she said.

"Oh, that's right," I corrected myself, "she had it at that '50s style restaurant we went to." It has been several months and it slipped my mind.

"We just pulled it out of the cabinet," she said, "and were going through it."

My niece, well on her way to six years old, has been putting sounds together and is in the beginning stages of reading. There was a page, my sister pointed out, that had the alphabet written out with letters missing at certain intervals. The reader was to fill these letters in.

Apparently, there were two spaces left out right before the letters M and N.

Now, let's be honest. What would you have written in the spaces?

It took me a second to realize what she was getting at, and to realize what Uncle Elgarf had, in fact, written. I had no stop-watch at the time, but am willing to bet that it was a good 60 seconds worth of gut wrenching laughter.

"Mommy," my niece said, "I think that spells something." Apparently my sister turned the page or jumped to the next set of letters to avoid a controversy. It took her some time to figure out who, in fact, filled in the missing letters. She was pretty sure it was not herself, knew it was not her husband, didn't think it was Grandma A or Grandma B. Then she came to me. Who else could it have been?

That's why I was laughing so hard.

Who would have thought?

I wrote a message in the activity book of a non-reader.

Less than a year later it could have been read.

I guess Uncle Elgarf will have to be more careful in the future.

National Obama Radio

2008-05-14T17:13:00.002-04:00

Hillary won West Virginia in a landslide. That doesn't matter. Those people are nothing but ignorant racists, at least that was the impression I got from NPR and Ed Schultz. Now I can accept that, but what does it say about those proud, hard-working, open-minded people from South Carolina? That must make them ignorant... No, I shudder to think.

When I got home from work today there was an envelope from my local NPR station in the mail box. I was first turned on to NPR by a Jewish, lesbian professor I worked with in the mid-90s. So, if you think I am narrow-minded, I would love to prove you wrong. Anyway, this envelope was asking me for a pledge during the Spring Fundraiser. Now, normally I would just throw the thing away and pledge in my own sweet time. This time, however, I decided to act. I called the station.

"W---," came the voice on the other end. I told the female that I was calling about the fundraising envelope I received in the mail. I have been a loyal listener for 10 years but WOULD NOT be making a contribution in 2008. I was disappointed in how NPR had crowned Obama king without due process. She asked if I would like to comment to the station. I thought she wanted me to come in. No, she said, I can transfer you. "Yes, please do," was my reply.

"W---," said a second voice, "can I take your donation?"

Well, no.

I said the same thing I said to the first person. She said, "I'm just a volunteer so..."

"Pass it on," I said.

-Post Script- A wonderful suggestion was made to me since this happened. The money that I am not sending to the Obama campaign (care of NPR) would make an excellent campaign contribution to Senator McCain.

Mickey Kantor

2008-05-02T17:12:00.007-04:00

Have you seen this? There is a big stink about a You Tube video which shows James Carville, George Stephanopolous, and the aforementioned Mr. Kantor on the camaign trail in 1992 with then Governor Clinton. They are reviewing polls for the state of Indiana and Kantor may or may not have said that the state was nothing but "shit." He then goes on to say something that is in dispute. Did he really say this, "How would you like to be a worthless white nigger?" ? Some say yes. Others say the video was doctored. I guess my question is this: How many hours did it take you people to scour through 16 plus years of audio/ video footage to find something nowhere near as damning as the Jeremiah Wright clips, and, was it really worth it? What has been proven? A white man said something he should not have said behind the scenes on a campaign. Was he proclaiming hatred to hundreds of people in his congregation? No, clearly not. So, the Clintons are in association with someone who may or may not be a racist but certainly has said some offensive things.

What does this change?

Senator Obama only "earned" that title when the Republican Senator Ryan resigned his post after a scandal involving himself, his wife, and others in acts of consentual adult activities. I have no comment on that. The guy resigned. Anyway, how did "Senator" Obama keep his seat? By running unopposed for re-election. Well, not really unopposed but against Alan Keyes. Do you remember this clown? He is the Ultra-Conservative African-American political commentator. He has not held office, although he has tried. Cast your mind back to 1996. President Clinton was running for re-election. As the Republicans began to whittle away their field of candidates they, of course, held a number of debates. Unfortunately, not all of these debates were equal opportunity events. Mr. Keyes was not permitted to debate with the other candidates. I can't recall for certain if he was driven around in circles or if he couldn't pass security at the event, but he DID NOT debate.

Now, I will not cast aspersions on Alan Keyes. I will, however, point out the facts. This was done by the party. The same party that wanted a black candidate to take race off the table when Senator Obama ran to retain his seat.

Say what you will about his speeches. Say what you will about Hillary spending the last 20 years fighting with Republicans. Say what you will about "HOPE" and "CHANGE" and all the naive voters who never gave a damn about politics until their favorite book-club leader told them who to vote for. I understand that the Clintons are no good, shady, cut-throat, evil, greedy, bastards. Rush Limbaugh has made that point clear for the past 16 years and in better ways than any of you charlatan, so-called "democrats" are doing these days out of one side of your Dick Cheney mouth while calling for reconciliation of the party out of the other side. Reconciliation on your terms, behind Senator Obama is what you mean.

Hillary Clinton and John McCain have a record of service to the nation, whether you like it or not. They do.

I, for one, feel that Obama's record is rather thin. I don't give a damn what Kantor may or may not have said. Obama began to believe the press ages ago and feels he is untouchable. He is NOT the Stones, nor Zeppelin, nor Floyd. He is a Chicago politician who was given a great opportunity by a terrible loser at the 2004 Democratic convention (see the post "John Kerry will burn in hell"). Since then he has been at the right place at the right time.

I am tired of everyone giving this guy a free pass. Let him earn something for a "CHANGE"!

Felis 2

2008-04-30T16:13:00.002-04:00

Tired of dwelling on the negative energy of this campaign I decided to post a pen and ink drawing of the skeleton of a cat. I made this well before the loss of my pal, but I would be lying if I said that she didn't influence it. I came across a discarded, laminated poster of various skeletons and was, obviously, drawn to the cat. On a trip to Chicago with Father T. O'Malley a number of years ago I spent some time in the Contemporary Art Museum. They had a black t-shirt with a similar cat skeleton in white that displayed the museum's name below the cat, or on the back, "I don't quite remembah." At the time I didn't want to spend the 25 or 30 bucks they were asking. Funny how you remember such things. I should have bought the damn shirt.
Anyway, the lettering is Dwarvish runes again. They spell out CAT, 2008, and FELIS BEFRIENDUS (borrowed from Jethro Tull's "Hunt By Numbers" from the 2000 release j-tull.com.

Food for thought

2008-04-17T15:50:00.004-04:00

It has been stated here in previous blogs that this poster is dissatisfied with National Public Radio. A loyal member for the better part of 10 years I always thought they really did "consider all things," that is, of course, until they crowned Senator Obama king several months ago. In an attempt to find a more varied source for political news I began to search the am dial. A local station carries News/Talk and features the "Ed Schultz Show - The Progressive Voice of the Nation." This was too good to be true. I thought the only left-wing shows on the air were featured on the doomed Air America satellite network.

Well, it has been a couple weeks since I first heard Ed. One of the first things I heard the man say was that he and we should support whoever the Democratic nominee turns out to be. He claimed that either candidate would be worlds better than George W. Bush. I was on board at that point. The next day he was crucifying Hillary.

Today he is screaming about the wasted time discussing that Obama, only this week, started wearing a lapel pin. He pointed out that Hillary hasn't been wearing one either. As for shady dealings with business associates in Illinois being used to tear down senator Obama, what about the backroom dealings with Wal-Mart the Clintons have been in on? Remember that whole Reverend Wright thing? It was not Obama's place to question the pastor or even to leave during a fiery, racist, anti-American sermon. He is a member of "the church" not a member of the reverend. Hillary admitted that the whole thing about the sniper in Bosnia was a lie. She is a no good liar.

The sad thing is that my defenses are weakening.

My original thought on this whole campaign thing was that we need to leave the Clintons in the past and move on with our lives. The republicans would only grid-lock anything they did just like the last time and what good would that do? Maybe it was time for a change. As the election unfolded and Edwards and Obama began dumping on Hillary the way Rush Limbaugh or Sean Hannity would I started to become defensive. Let's stick it to everyone and go with the Clintons! That has held up for a long time. I voted for her in my state's recent primary and I stand by that vote. Having said that, I am beginning to face up to her flaws. I am finding out that I may have been wrong, and everyone else might have been right. You read that correctly. I am admitting that I may very well be not only wrong, but DAMN WRONG! I am going to have to (figuratively) crawl back to a number of friends, colleagues, and family members and admit that Hillary may not be presidential nor ready to take office.

I thought the Democratic party was wrong for jumping on the Obama band-wagon. I realize now that they have the party's best interests in mind and that there is a good reason that he is their man.

The Democrats are correct.

No matter who gets the nomination...

I could no longer vote for Hillary Clinton in November.

There is only one thing left to do.

Vote for Senator McCain.

Thank you, Mr. Obama

2008-04-14T16:23:00.002-04:00

"there has been a small political flare-up because I said something that everybody knows is true which is that there are a whole bunch of folks in small towns in Pennsylvania, in towns right here in Indiana, in my hometown in Illinois, who are bitter"

That was very well put. Thank you. It is about time that we get these issues out in the open and start discussing openly the "something(s) that everybody knows is true." I guess my question would be, why now? Now that you have clearly said the wrong thing and alienated even more voters. Do you remember just a month or so back when someone else said "something that everyone know is true"? Of course I am referring to Geraldine Ferraro. You, your campaign and the entire "Drive-by Media" (as Rush likes to call it) crucified her as a no good racist. The question that was never answered at the time was this: was she wrong? I would argue no. I would argue that EVERYONE knows that you would not have come so far in this race if your heritage was the same as that of Mr. Edwards, or Mr. Kucinich or anyone else who has not been able to draw out the African American vote the way you have. So, why were you not out there defending the truth as expressed by Ms. Ferraro?

I can tell you why. Because as Mrs. Clinton has suggested, you are an elitist. You can sling the mud and say anything you like but if anyone else tries to throw it back your way they are seen as unethical or racist. You use these terms at your whim and no one else can play both sides of the fence the way you do (except possibly your friend from Massachusetts the despicable hell-bound loser, John Kerry). You know, Barack, I would love to sit down at a bar and buy you a beer. I know this great little place in small-town Pennsylvania, filled with "bitter" patrons. Their selection of beer-on-tap is no less than 20 varieties, and they even stock your own personalized brew:

ARROGANT BASTARD ALE

Post Script: Now that I got all that off my chest I will say this. I honestly hope that you take your pledged delegates, your super delegates, and all your other band-wagon jumping delegates to the convention and then on to the general election. With Mrs. Clinton out of the way, I will LOVE to work AGAINST you in supporting a McCain victory in November.

Reconcile the party?

Kiss my ass.

Shamelessly pilfered from another blog

2008-04-03T19:32:00.002-04:00

It is clearly time for Hillary to admit defeat. This new wave of hope is just too overwhelming for any one woman to withstand. She needs to not only move out of his way but really should start throwing out rosebuds before his beautiful little feet. Obama has arrived! This is what the people clearly want. Forget all those big populous states that she won by large margins. We are in the midst of a movement! This needs to be done. It is only right.

Now, the only problem I see in the near future is this: How do we get John McCain to do the same thing? Obviously those record numbers have not turned out to support him. Is he not standing in the way of history himself? Why is all the pressure on her? If Hillary can bow out gracefully by next week at this time we could save Pennsylvania and all those other states the trouble of running their elections. So, that gets us to the end of April. Then, if McCain would be kind enough to step aside by, let's say, May 15th the Republicans could save all the money and time they would have put into their June convention, we wouldn't need a democrat convention in August and GODDAMN!! THIS time around we would have our winner by election night in November! No more swing states to worry about and screw the Supreme Court! Michelle could start nudging Laura out the door right after the X-mas festivities and they could hit the ground rolling.

That's CHANGE!

That's Dwarvish for "Gravy"

2008-04-02T18:14:00.003-04:00

It was just coincidence that it should fall on April 1st. It certainly was not foolish. In fact every day for the last 8 and a half years had led up to my 5:00 appointment yesterday. There was supposed to be another person going with me but she backed out. To be honest it was probably better that way. It was not really an experience for sharing.

Two weeks after my final day with Ms.Musgrave I received her ashes. Enclosed was a small manilla envelope containing snippets of her black fur and another envelope with a card that had her paw print stamped on it. I immediately took it home and sat down at the art table to come up with the design you see above. I did have to tool with it awhile before getting it just right. It would fit like a puzzle piece between two other tattoos I already had on my left leg.

So, with the envelope of fur in one pocket and $40.00 in another (the arrangements had been made) I met up with Chad for our 5th collaboration. Another tattoo artist asked about the design. While I was nowhere near embarassed, I did recognize that it was probably not the most macho of reasons. However, after my explanation he sympathized and showed me two massive dog paw prints on his arms for lost pets. I know that the lovely and talented Alicia Moore PINK has an homage to her dog on her forearm reading "Sir Corky Moore" and his dates too, so, I guess I am in good company.

Democrat Shmemocrat

2008-03-13T15:52:00.003-04:00

It has been nearly one month since I congratulated President Obama (Number 44) on his hard-fought, well deserved victory. I was absolutely sincere and I still hope that he can change the direction this nation is going. The media has made it clear that Hillary Clinton is no longer a viable candidate and that she (and all of her ignorant, uneducated supporters) should roll over and let the inevitable take place. They have reached me (hence these postings). Unfortunately, they have not yet reached Mrs. Clinton and those in charge of her campaign. The most prominent of these is Geraldine Ferraro. She had the unmitigated gall to claim that if Barack Obama were a white man, we would not be in this situation. That white supremist hate monger! I have never heard anything so offensive!

On another note, NPR reported this week that in the Mississippi primary African-American voters turned out in record numbers to give overwhelming support to Barack Obama. In fact, he EARNED a whopping 99% of the black vote (similar to his big victory in South Carolina and other primary states)! The caps signify that I understand and accept that he and his campaign have put forth an honest effort and deserve each and every one of those votes.

I'm sure that if John Edwards (the Other anti-Clinton) had lasted this long, those same African-American voters would have turned out to support him as they did in his home state of South Carolina, it just didn't work out that way.

Damn you, Geraldine!

Thank you, Esmerelda.

2008-02-27T19:54:00.001-05:00

First Contact

2008-02-23T15:08:00.002-05:00

I just made contact with an official Oba-Maniac.
Don't worry about me, though. I'll be just fine.
The chief and I were just out for a bit of lunch. The corner of this restaurant was set up as a tactical base complete with a hopeful young man of about 20 wearing a bright blue Obama '08 t-shirt, his laptop computer (sporting Obama stickers), a blonde/preppy haircut, intellectual-looking spectacles, 2-days' stubble, and campaign literature to spare. He was speaking to several of the equally hopeful clientelle. While we could not hear the conversation, the chief and were in agreement that it must have been full of "Hope" and "Inspiration". I very much wanted to speak to this beacon of change, but didn't know quite what to say. Besides, he was very busy entertaining the crowd and distributing signs.

On his last trip back from the backseat of his car with more signs and literature I saw my chance. As he came through the door I said, "I would like to congratulate you. You guys are running a hell of a campaign and I think you're gonna win". He thanked me and replied that he thought they would too then asked, "so you're planning to vote in this election?"

I said, "Yes. I'm going to vote for Hillary, and then in November I will probably vote for McCain. Even though it has become a bad word in this campaign, I am voting for experience." I wanted him to know that, in spite of their rhetoric, they do not have the market on thoughtful, conscientious, informed, and hopeful voters. He responded that this was understandable and that it was nice to speak to me anyway.

God bless you, Mr. Rickman...

2008-02-20T20:03:00.002-05:00

I bow to you, sir. Having been born in the year of our lord, 1946 you rank amongst the greatest our age has to offer; David Gilmour (obviously of Pink Floyd fame), former President Bill Clinton, and last (but not least) my own father. Yes, you are of the baby-boom generation and you (as well as your forebears) represent the turning point of our present time. Born of "the greatest generation" you came to your own in the birth/growth of television, as well as Western Democracy.

I would be an illiterate fool if I did not acknowledge that I first came to recognize your talents while I was a 14-year-old (who was not allowed to watch rated "R" movies) watching "Die Hard" at the house of a friend who was laid up in a cast and pins holding his 8th grade bones together. A student of Catholic Schools, I was quite unaware of the dangers that lie just beyond Jesus' grasp (on the BIG SCREEN). You, somehow, were able to ring true as Hans Gruber, international terrorist. As much as I wanted the ALL-AMERICAN John McClain to kick your ever-lovin' ass, I wanted you to have your say and get away with whatever you had planned for Nakatomi Plaza. You had a mastery of the Engish language (unlike our current leader), and you had style.

JESUS CHRIST! It is 20 years later as I type this. I respected you in the January Man, could appreciate the sardonic humor in "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" and no one, but NO ONE could pull off the role as Severus Snape in the"Harry Potter" series as you, but my ultimate purpose in this post is to comment on your portrayal as "Lord Turpin" in Tim Burton's current production of Steven Sondheim's, Sweeney Todd. You are/were an inredeemable son-of-a-bitch-ass-hole who not only created a terrible tragedy laid upon him, but received it in spades! I have nothing good to say about the "honorable" judge who (out of sheer greed) created the beast of Sweeney Todd out of the humble Benjamin Barker, save that you portrayed him.

As much as I hated the character, I loved that YOU portrayed him. A generation ago you WERE the supreme foil to the all-American hero. I didn't know it at the time, but the U.S. is NOT always right (the fucking shrub has proved that).

I am no more than a fan of the American cinema, but I thank you for all of your efforts.

CJE

Congratulations, Mr. President.

2008-02-20T13:59:00.003-05:00

To quote the immortal Neil Diamond, "I'm" now "a believer".

My awakening came just the other day as I was on a road trip. The AM station that I was listening to carried the speech that Barack Obama was delivering at a nearby university. The crowd was electric! He had them eating out of his hand. What charisma! Why did he choose to run now? Because he is what we need!

Now if you, like I believe that we need more substance in our candidates, fear not! We are both wrong! Never has a great speaker made a poor president! Obama brings such hope to this nation in these troubled times. The biggest applause line came when he pointed out that George W. Bush will not be on the ballot this year. Really? I guess I hadn't thought of that. When Hillary made the snide comment that "speeches don't put food on the table" Obama pointed out that neither did NAFTA! Ouch!

There is no stopping the rock-star momentum that he has built up. I just "hope" that he is able to enact all these wonderful ideas that he seems to think will just fall into place if we all just believe. While Hillary has gone head-to-head with the Republican establishment, as has John McCain, experience is not what we need in this campaign. Senator Obama has the ability to INSPIRE!

Alas, he will have to do it without my support.

For right or wrong I will vote for Senator Hillary Clinton in the upcoming primary. When the democrats choose Barack Obama as their candidate I will support Senator John McCain in the general election. Nevertheless, congratulations President Obama. You certainly have your work cut out for you.

Hare Krishna Record Rama

2008-02-19T18:56:00.003-05:00

I can't believe I am actually listening to this bullshit. Three million records up for grabs on ebay. Paul something-or-other who owns/owned Record Rama in Pittsburgh was just talking to that annoying little busy-body, Melissa Block. As always you could tell that she thought this was the coolest interview on earth. At age 69, Paul is ready to retire. He admits that he is legally blind and has limited movement due to crippling. What he failed to tell Ms. Block is that he is an unrepentent ASSHOLE. If you didn't know that Tom Hanks went to Paul when he was filming that movie That Thing You Do, you do now. And just ask Paul, he is only too proud to tell you. This blog has discussed a pretentious bitch who, for want of her own eyebrows, penciled two incredible black arches above her beady little heartless eye. She too sold records. She too was too busy for the likes of you.

Anyway, I ramble. Let's get back to Pittsburgh and the visually impaired, personality wanting Paul. Paul was never too shy to gloat about his collection. "I've got it and you don't" was the motto. I went to the counter one day and asked if he had The Monkees Present on vinyl. His reply. "Yeah, I probably do but it's probably gonna run you upwards of $30.00. Do you want me to go look for it?"

No.

Thank You.

Melissa asked him who his ideal bidder would be. He said he would like one investor to purchase the whole thing and then donate the most precious recordings to the Library of Congress. He already contacted the government and they weren't interested. Is that so, Paul? Or is it more to the point that they did not bow to your extortion? "I've got this and you don't." Obviously they did not give a fuck. Why don't you stand up and do the honorable thing and make YOUR OWN donation? I guess there isn't enough profit in that.

You are a greedy son-of-a-bitch who overestimates his own worth. I only fear that some ignorant bidder may, in fact make you rich beyond your wildest dreams. In an ideal world, you would die a lonely old man sitting on a mound of worthless black plastic.

"I Know You Think That I Protest Too Much..."

2008-02-09T21:30:00.001-05:00

Before you get tired of this topic, let me say that Joe Jackson has been at least a curiosity to me for the better part of my life. As a child I spent a lot of time at Grandma S's house. Uncle Frank was living with her at the time and, being 20 years older than me, he was in tune with the music of the day. I remember thumbing through his vinyls and marveling at the artwork. Don't you miss that? And that vinyl smell. Man, when you would open that sleeve and catch a whiff...

Anyway, one record he had was Look Sharp! by Joe Jackson which has been referenced here many times. This has always stuck in my memory because the cover had a pair of white shoes with the ties on the side. This in itself was unremarkable. What was unique, however, was the one inch hole in the upper left hand corner that was actually cut away to make room for the little, black pin-on button that said LOOK SHARP! to be removed and worn at the buyer's leisure. OK, free samples may not impress you, but how about this: the record was 10" , not the standard 12". The sleeve was smaller and it stood out from the other records so, even if one had no idea who this Jackson guy was, it drew your eye to the gap in the records. I have since purchased my own copy of this bit of nostalgia from ebay and would love to wear the pin, but the record is sealed in its original wrapping.

I remember listening to the album and being VERY disappointed. It didn't have Steppin' Out. Keep in mind I was 10 in 1984 and by then Night and Day had been out for a few years.

I digress. Today I bought Rain, Joe Jackson's newest (2008) release. I had gone to the local super center yesterday to find it but it wasn't there. So, I decided to drive the 45 minutes to the nearest big box store to find it this morning. I must say that I am glad I did. It gave me the chance to listen to the record on the way home, with the sun out, the vent blowing cool air, and myself in good spirits.

I really liked the Night and Day II album. It deals with the isolation of several individuals in "the Greatest City on Earth", New York City. At the time that it came out, I was dealing with a certain amount of isolation, as well, and could very closely relate to the album. I have recently revisited it and found it to still be good, but somewhat of a downer. Of course there is the personal connection, but there is definitely the thread that ties all the characters together into a concept album for the turn of the century (2000), but in a world where the events of 2001 were not even imagined.

Rain, on the other hand seems to focus more on the music. The band is pared down to three original members: Joe, Graham Maby on bass and Dave Houghton on drums. It is an (dare I say) uplifting album that makes this reviewer call to mind 1986's Big World album. Stand out tracks are the first one entitled Invisible Man; Citizen Sane, which acknowledges our search for the universal cure-all, and Uptown Train which has a similar feel to the recent work of Steely Dan. In my humble opinion Rain is the best work from these guys in the last 10 years, and worth the wait. Joe Jackson is still able to capture that honest-to-god insecurity of the average guy and work it into a beautiful jazz-pop blend that is timeless. Make time for Rain.

INSTANT MASH

2008-02-03T16:39:00.001-05:00

Alright, I need a break from the political postings, too.

In the supermarket there is music while you work
It drives you crazy sends you screaming for the door.
Work there for a year or two and you can get to like it
I don't work in supermarkets anymore.

It's so easy, it's so easy,
Grab can, lift arm, stack can, turn around.
It's so easy, it's so easy,

Do the Instant Mash...

I was in the car last night and had my iPod on shuffle. This familiar tune came on but I couldn't place it. As the vocals began I shouted, "Holy Shit! It's Joe Jackson!" I shouldn't have been so surprised, after all I put the song on there in the first place. But this is one of those tunes that I absolutely love. I remember playing it over and over on repeat until I knew all the words, but it has been several years since I listened to the Look Sharp! album in its entirety. In fact, I may not have even recognized it by the title alone, but what a catchy tune and a great driving beat, and those lyrics! Who can't relate to the lines above? Muzak may ease the experience of the shopper, but the poor worker has to hear those same awful songs over and over with no escape. Once again, I tip my hat to the everyman stylings of Joe Jackson.

Why I (still) like John McCain

2008-02-01T18:45:00.000-05:00

This may completely disqualify me from any future discussions on politics, but with the current state of affairs, I feel that it needs to be addressed. Many years ago I was in between professions (and living arrangements). I had to solve the problem of staying in familiar surroundings or strike out where I had begun to forge my own path (career). There is no question that I did no more than fumble through the motions and end up where I am today, for good or ill. I bring this up because I vividly remember being in the parking lot of an animal shelter where I sought (and found) two companions that, today, I would be lost without, and listening to an NPR discussion. I do not recall, for sure, the interviewer but my memory leans toward Terry Gross, so let's go with that. The extra-marital information of President Bill Clinton was coming to light, and the battle lines were being drawn. Terry was interviewing Senator John McCain. While I was against impeachment, Senator McCain was for it. I thought, "Here we go, another right-wing extremist with a chip on his shoulder. " Little did I know.

As the interview progressed I got some insight into the conditions under which Senator McCain was held prisoner in Viet Nam. While I did not agree with his approach to the impeachment proceedings, I accepted his position and realized that he was not necessarily a partisan/one-issue man. Growing up democrat, it was a strange feeling to be moved by this man, and I found myself wanting to hear more of what he said. It was only about a year later when he challenged that ignorant hick for the Republican nomination. After the debates, I decided that Al Gore was not the man for me, nor was Bill Bradley. The only one who was shooting from the hip and taking on that Texas son-of-a-bitch was Senator McCain. In the primary of that year I registered Republican and voted for John McCain. In the fall I voted AGAINST (but not for AlGore) our current fucking idiot.

I've said it before, and reiterate it now. My support in the presidential bid of 2008 goes to Hillary. For all of its faults, the Clinton administration left us with a budget surplus. The republicans were on a witch-hunt from day one to crucify this guy before he ever came into his own, while they should have been after Ross Perot, who really cost them the election of 1992. So the gays in the military was not such a terrific fight. He did work with the republicans to work out a system of EARNING wellfare benefits, so they are not just a hand-out.

I diverge. The impeachment thing still rings sour with me. It was unwarranted. Former Governor, Bob Taft, got off with a little slap on the wrist. Hillary went from First Lady with a vision to Senator with a Plan. She tried to reform health-care (to no avail, but as first lady, did more than this Texas Ass Hole has done as president). It is this reviewers opinion that she has EARNED the office. It is not a Black/White issue. I liked Senator Obama when I heard him at the 2004 Convention.

I like him less as he attacks the Clintons.

Six paragraphs later I get to my point.

As a faithful Democrat who is loyal to my party, I support our next President of these United States, Hillary Rodham Clinton. If, however, my party forsakes me, and chooses senator Obama, (like that name-humping son-of-a-bitch, Ted Kennedy) I support the next President of these United States, Arizona Senator, John Mc Cain.

It is, now, 2/1/8, and I guess time will tell.

God bless you, Mr. Mukasey

2008-01-30T17:52:00.001-05:00

Nobody will ever confuse you with Elliott Rosewater and I pray that the late, great Kurt Vonnegut Jr. will forgive me for hailing you as he did his main character in his 1965 novel. We all know where you stand on waterboarding (and I will not insult my reading public, as the media deems necessary, by defining it here). Whatever Lord W. Bush declares is where you stand, and that is understandable. You cannot be accused of going against your master if you do not answer the question. This is old news, so why do I bring it up? Because today it was announced that the former secretary of "Homeland Security", Tom Ridge, as well as other former administration officials had announced that they DO believe that it is torture. How did you, Mr. Mukasey, address this statement? By saying, "that unlike me they are not Attorney General."

Nobody could have put it better. You, like everyone in your administration, are above the law. You will not be legally responsible for your actions. You, in all your collective wisdom, know far more than we, the patriotic American public. After all, "WE" "elected" your ilk TWICE.

So, just like your master, ENJOY YOUR POWER.

Your days are numbered, and, if we can't beat you, at least we won't have to hear from the likes of you for another 8 years.

BOCCE BALLS!

2008-01-26T19:40:00.000-05:00

Once again, I really have no topic to ramble on about, so I decided to flip through the old sketchbooks and scan/post a drawing. The chosen picture comes from late 2004.

I had never been a Darryl Hannah fan until the waning days of 2004 when the Chief and I watched Kill Bill Volume One on video only to see the sequel in the theatre that same night. As a kid I had seen "Splash" (hence the heading) but that was about it, and my fondest memories of the movie come from the late/great John Candy (who has previously been recognized/honored in these postings). Too often she was portrayed as the "dream girl"; the beautiful blonde that everyone desired. Never feeling that way about her I never saw Roxanne or, geez, what else was there? It doesn't matter. I am (Ann) rambling.

I was sickened (and forever poisoned) about/against that bastard, Jackson Browne, who had dated/beat Ms. Hannah who then sought her friend and colleague, J.F.K. Jr. as an escape from the domestic violence ("running on empty..." fuck you, asshole). Again, this is old news. Bartender, shut me off.

Elle Driver was one cool, calculating, and very attractive assassin in the Kill Bill movies. Uma Thurman kicks ass and, hopefully, will forever kick ass. Ms. Hannah's character, Elle Driver, however, was a worthy opponent. The story that Tarantino weaves between these two is gripping, and the results are eye-popping!

So, for not having a topic, I present you with one of my favorite drawings.

Pardon me, I've got nothing to say (or do I?)

2008-01-23T16:40:00.000-05:00

I quote George Carlin in the heading of this post because I am tired of opening the page only to see that patriotic asshole, Chuck Norris waving those guns at me.

I wish I had more to say.

Oh, I know, I would like to be one of the few proud Americans that stands up and defends President Bill Clinton for his performance on the campaign trail. This man is not a racist. Nor is he saying inappropriate things about senator obama. In fact the senator doesn't seem to know how politics works. When running for an office people point out their strengths and their opponents weaknesses. He may remember some inappropriate comments that his own wife made about the Senator from New York. I have often heard that barack doesn't want to make this a campaign of "race". I agree, he shouldn't. So leave the whining and crying back in Illinois. You are not perfect. Your record MUST be challenged. You are no more a victim than any other candidate, (I would like to point out here that many believe John McCain is too old for the job. Why doesn't senator obama come to his defense?).

And then there is Tom Daschle, the one-time senator from South Dakota who was run out of the senate shortly after a piss-poor run for the white house in 2004. This whiny, washed up hack believes that the President's comments are unbecoming to someone who once held the office. Mr. Daschle, if anyone thought that your actions or words were "becoming" you might still be a politician today.

Don't believe everything you read, Chuck

2008-01-21T11:18:00.000-05:00

First of all I would like to thank Chuck Norris for his contribution to American cinema. If it weren't for him Peter LeFleur and Average Joe's Gym would not have been able to compete in the final round of the National Dodgeball Tournament. And then there was, uh, Lonewolf McQuaid? Well, I guess that was ok. What else was there? Damn! Where was I going with this?

Oh, yeah, that's right. Chuck, have you ever heard of William Shatner? He is known more for his "camp" appeal than for his theatrical skills. The same could be said about David Hasselhoff. Now we all have laughed our asses off at the "Little known facts about Chuck Norris." My personal favorite is "Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Unfortunately he has never cried." Man that is a good one, and it points out just what a macho son-of-a-bitch you really are! But, let me fill you in on a secret. They are just jokes. They are not true. You are not a great actor and are merely a charicature of American culture. Do you know why you are george bush's favorite actor? Because, like you, he is also an illiterate country bumpkin. He believes he is a cowboy, you played a Texas Ranger. He abuses the executive branch of government, you beat things up.

Now, as for your right-wing leanings, that's fine. Everyone has their own opinion on politics. But let me suggest this: if you are going to host republican fund-raisers and throw your name around to get people votes, use some better judgment. Your comment that John McCain "is too old" for the job displays your ignorance. While he is not my choice for president, he is actually a hero, you just play one on TV. (Now, having said that I don't give two shits about any past military service this bearded red-neck has done. I did not do any fact finding on this hick.)

So throw your support behind Huckabee or whoever, but fuck you, nonetheless.

John Kerry will burn in Hell

2008-01-10T18:03:00.000-05:00

As you have probably heard, this communist bastard has forsaken his former president, his former running mate and his party. Election 2004 was a referendum for change. We knew then that the bush administration LIED about weapons of mass destruction and didn't give a shit about the country the stupid hick was supposed to represent. John Kerry should have walked all over and walked away with bush and his job. What did he do? Go windsurfing. Why not? Didn't he earn it?

This son-of-a-bitch allowed the administration and those pig-fu*#ing "swift boat veterans" to make him look like a traitor. Did he fight it? No. He rolled over and admitted that they were right.

Now John Kerry has come out publicly and supported Barack Obama for president.

FUCK YOU JOHN KERRY! YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE LAST FOUR YEARS THIS COUNTRY HAS ENDURED. YOU WERE HANDED THE PRESIDENCY AND YOU HANDED IT BACK TO THE CRIMINALS. WE DON"T GIVE A SHIT WHO YOU ENDORSE. YOUR OPINION IS IRRELEVANT. YOU WILL BE JUDGED HARSHLY, YOU WEASEL BASTARD!

You old bastard, you.

2008-01-10T15:29:00.000-05:00

At 7:00 am (in the morning) I was backing out of the driveway. Renee Montaigne was just giving the highlights of the news to come, but right before the break she wished a happy birthday to Donald Fagen. "The man who sang 'Hey Nineteen' turns 60,"
she said.

I have always known and loved Steely Dan. I have been a "Steely Fan" for only 16 years. I recall an evening in '92 or '93 when I was in the backseat of a friend's car with my girlfriend coming back from somewhere during my first (or second) year of college somewhere in small-town Pennsylvania (Pee-Ay, as we say). A local radio station was playing an evening of "B sides". Obviously, at this point, the cd had replaced the record, but the station was playing the second half of a series of albums. I'm (somewhat) sure they played Peg and Hey 19, but it has been a while. At the break the DJ announced that it was a 'best of' album by Steely Dan. It was one of those moments of revelation. I recognized just about every song that was played, but could not put a name to the band before that night. As a child I would hear the songs on pop radio, so I knew them, but not really. They sounded different that night. I had recently played in a high-school garage band and knew a little more about music than I previously had. This "pop" music had depth, layer, texture, color, flavor... I was completely surrounded by ORCHESTRATED sound and I fell in love, as if I had heard these old, tired, familiar songs for the first time. Soon thereafter I bought my first copy of 1976's Aja, at a now defunct record store, and yes, it was on vinyl. It wasn't long before I got the boxed set, Citizen Steely Dan, which collects all of the studio albums onto 4 cds. I saw them live in 1996, then in 2000, then in 2003, and finally in 2006. I truly love these guys.

Anyway, I am listening to 2006's Morph the Cat by Messr. Fagen as I type. While the title track of his first solo album, The Nightfly, ranks among my all-time favorite songs ("you say there's a race of men in the trees, you're for tough legislation, thanks for calling, we wait all night for calls like these") and his second outing, Kamikiriad, has delightful jazz-pop tunes, there is no question that "Morph" is his finest. So I say, if at 58 Donald Fagen recorded his second finest work (only behind Aja), then I wish him a happy 60th birthday, and look forward to the next, productive 60 years!

Patience, my lad...

2008-01-05T21:35:00.000-05:00

I see that it is two weeks since my last posting, and about damn time. As for those violent drawings, the culprit has been apprehended and dealt with (somewhat severely). I will not make any further reference here. Those of you in the know either have the details or can get them quite easily. I prefer to make this posting somewhat lighter, even though the language may become somewhat coarse.

Today, on a lazy Saturday, here in the midwest, I decided to go to my local record trader. I was not looking for anything specific, but after a long awaited pay-day and several bills out of the way I was in the mood to browse. This is what I found:
That is Michael Nesmith and the First National Band's second album, LOOSE SALUTE. Should it mean a goddamn thing to you? Not necessarily. That is, until you've had the back story. As many of you know, I have been a fan of the Monkees (that's right, the "Pre-Fab Four") for the greater part of my life. Well, it began at the age of 12, and I am now... I came to the group at the 20th anniversary in 1986 when MTV began a revival of the old shows. Nick at Nite soon picked them up and I had about 40 something out of the 58 episodes on VHS. I won't bore you with the details. Mike Nesmith was always my favorite. I guess he was the least silly and actually had some musical talent about him (Peter Tork was a close second as far as music goes). Anyway, since then I have become somewhat of a collector and even proudly sport a Nez tattoo (as seen in the header of this blog). As of this morning I had 6 solo albums. I once came upon Loose Salute at a pretentious record trader on Rte 18. I won't specify which Rte. 18, but I will give you a description of the proprietor. She was/is a 60 + woman of indeterminate hair color (I have seen it dyed several shades) who grows no eyebrows of her own accord. They are, rather, penciled in a most obnoxious manner above those beady, suspicious little black heartless eyes that she focuses on her computer screen, far more important than the living breathing customer that may actually spend a dollar in the store established by her late husband.

Stop me. I ramble. At any rate, several years ago I saw this record on Rte. 18, in "HER" possession. She wanted $28.00 for it. Not having heard the album I couldn't say if it was worth it or not. I decided that I would find it more reasonably and not give this bitch the satisfaction. Her motto seems to be, "I have it and you don't, HA HA!!!" Don't get me wrong. I know the value of a rare recording and do not want to get something for free. She, however has no idea of what she has, but relies on the current market value she digs up on the internet. Fucking whore!

My local record trader had this 1970 recording for a grand total of 8 dollars 54 cents. I am willing to bet $28.00 that that whore still has her copy sitting on the shelf.

The names have been changed to protect my own sweet ass.

2007-12-21T16:56:00.000-05:00

I was handed a large helping of humble pie yesterday. It is pictured above. I won't say who gave it to me or where it was done, but suffice it to say, I am not the one with the smile. No, that crude character on the right with the buckshot in his chest, arms, groin, and leg is none other than Lord Elgarf. I guess I must've gotten under someone's skin. This was a rather straight-forward statement (I would not call it abstract, I don't believe there is any hidden meaning).

As if this were not bad enough, I was soon handed a second drawing:

Man. How about that? I guess I am most dissatisfied (aside from the horribly naked stick figures) with the scene in the lower left. The one where I am being pulled apart by two pick-up trucks. Say what you want, but that just looks painful to me! What a way to go!

"Je-ee-sus fre-eaks, out in the stree-eets..."

2007-12-15T18:03:00.000-05:00

This was personally addressed to me in red pen with a post mark of 16 Nov 2000. I found it recently when going through some old stuff and had a chuckle. I can be such an ass!

To make it easier on your eyes I shall transcribe it:

Dear friend, it's out of concern for your soul that I'm writing to you today. According to the Bible, we're living in the last days, and it saddens me to know , there are so many people out there, who still don't know Jesus Christ as their personal Savior.

Jesus saved my soul Jan. 22, 1980 and for this, I can never do enough to repay him. However, I can and must strive to be a soul winner for him. And one way of doing this, besides just continuing to pray for you, is by writing to you, and reminding you, that your soul is just as important to Jesus today, as it was the day he gave his life for you on Calvary's Cross.

If you're already a born again Christian, continue in the faith. If you're not, please seek Jesus while he may be found. Attend the Bible believing; Bible teaching church of your choice. Repent, be baptized, study God's word, and labor in the vineyard.

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. St. John 3:16

Sincerely,

Being the conscientious citizen that I am, I couldn't let this letter of good will be left unanswered. The following is my response:

Those of you who know me best are familiar with my strong belief system. I like to think that J Paul 2 would be proud.
Amen.

VACANCY

2007-12-15T15:01:00.001-05:00

"It's not as though she were a maniac or some raving thing, she just goes a little mad sometimes. We all go a little mad sometimes. Haven't you?"

One of my all-time favorite quotes. Norman Bates has invited Marion Crane into the parlor behind the office of the Bates Motel for sandwiches and milk. It is a rainy night on the outskirts of Fairvale California and she has pulled off the road for the night. Not wanting to travel another 10 miles in the rain to reach the nearest diner, she accepts Norman's "hospitality".

I first saw Hitchcock's masterpiece, PSYCHO, while in highschool some 17 years ago. He has been a hero of mine since. Not for the brutal slayings, but for the way that he deals with the shitty hand life has dealt him. At heart he's not a bad guy. He was raised by a sick, overbearing, troubled woman. In his attempts to please her things have gone wrong.

I have had the VHS version of this 1960 film for many years, and had an old beat up tape that had 2 of the three sequels. I was excited and very much pleased to find the DVD release in a local super-center that contains PSYCHO II, PSYCHO III, and PSYCHO IV The Beginning. It is nearly impossible to match the magic of an original movie in a sequel, and these films certainly do not do that. Having said that, they are a very rewarding continuation of the Norman Bates story. I love the premise of PSYCHO II where Norman returns to the house and motel 22 years later and deals with people who refuse to forget his past. PSYCHO III keeps the ball rolling, but, by itself it is not that memorable. Then there is PSYCHO IV. Henry Thomas plays a teenage Norman Bates and illustrates the events that made him a slave to his mother, Norma. Released in 1990 it was one of Anthony Perkins' final films and plays out as a "prequel" several years before George Lucas made that a nauseating buzz-word.

I can't say enough about this series and my favorite serial killer of all time (with apologies to John Kramer, my number 2) and at $14.00 for three movies it was was an absolute steal!

Jeux Sans Frontieres

2007-12-01T11:16:00.000-05:00

"if looks could kill they probably will in games without frontiers, war without tears"

So said Peter Gabriel in 1980's somewhat creepy song, Games without Frontiers from one of many self-titled albums. So said Peter Gabriel on the same recording coming through my car stereo on July 4th of 1995 on my way to work at the franchised ice cream stand. I was singing along at the stop light waiting for my turn to go through the intersection. As the light turned green I inched forward because one of the other cars had come out too far and I had to go around them. As I did this I did not see the other car come sailing through their red light and not even slow down until the impact. My car was spun around to face oncoming traffic and I (quite brilliantly) realized, "I've been in an accident". As I gathered my thoughts those french sounding ladies kept repeating, "She-So-Fro-Tee-Ay". My first action was to turn off the goddamn radio. My second action was to get out of the car and approach the assholes that hit me. One was a middle-aged, somewhat dim man leaning against a guard rail in a white undershirt. "What the hell happened?" I asked, somewhat indignantly.

Instead of trying to explain his side of the story he got pissy. "Don't even start" he said, or something to that effect. I just thought he was a low functioning citizen so I just kept walking until I got to the driver. At this point the story blurs, but I can say that he was an older man wearing a dirty old ball cap and some sort of work attire. I don't know if I saw the bottle then or if the cops later showed it to me but I do remember "Four Roses" being involved somehow. The two had been drinking at the dam all night (no doubt celebrating the birthday of these United States).

Anyway, I am not even approaching the subject of alcohol related accidents because it is not worth mentioning in my case. I walked away completely unharmed and cannot in anyway relate to the tragedy that many Americans face. The point of this posting, however, is that song (you know, the one I started out with). Shortly after the experience when I would hear the song it was a very strange sensation. It wasn't traumatic, I just didn't want to hear it. That was 12 years ago. I have been listening to a lot of Genesis lately and decided to start re-examining solo Peter Gabriel. Last night I played the 1980 album with the melting face that has Games Without Frontiers. It was a reunion of sorts and I am looking forward to importing it to the ipod.

Farewell to Jekyl... I mean Hyde

2007-11-29T15:01:00.000-05:00

During my lunch time today I had NPR on and was able to catch the top of the hour news. They reported that Henry Hyde had died (that rhymes). My first thought was, "oh, that asshole", but it took me a second to figure out why I had thought that, it had been a while since I had heard the name. The next line in the report reminded me, he led the impeachment proceedings on President Clinton. Since I know certain of you refuse to speak ill of the dead I will keep this short. Clinton's accusers ended up with nothing. Hyde is dead. Who wins? I guess my question is, where are the Henry Hydes of today to persecute the true criminal in office?

Rael, Imperial Aerosol kid

2007-11-16T23:34:00.000-05:00

This took some time to realize but it is worth committing to print. You can see by the new Poll to the right that I would like some opinions on double-albums. Those closest to me know that I am a Pink Floyd afficionado and feel that all other music pales in comparison. Having said that I have chosen a side. While I am no fan of the Genesis of the 80s (paperlate, sussudio, and those other shitty pop songs) I have become quite a fan of the Progressive Power-House that Genesis was in the 1970s up until the departure of Peter Gabriel. In my opinion the greatest double album ever pressed to vinyl was The Lamb Lies Down on Broadway, released in the year of my birth, 1974, and marked Gabriel's last collaboration with Tony Banks, Mike Rutherford, Steve Hackett and of course, Phil Collins. It relays the story of a young male by the name of Rael emerging from the subway in New York City and hiding a can of spray paint he recently used to leave his mark on the city. A mysterious cloud engulfs Manhattan and Rael finds himself in a nightmarish alternate reality in which he must confront and conquer his short-comings if he is to return to "the freedom I (he) had in the rat-race".

Like Pink in the Wall, Rael does find himself in the end and the consequences are far less tragic. There is no question that it is Genesis' finest production and I would argue that no other double-album compares in story telling, musicianship, and raw emotion. Having said that, the poll is actually a list of my own favorites. If I have left any better albums out, I would love to know and discuss them.

Rathbone / Brett

2007-11-15T19:36:00.000-05:00

I have been reading the Sherlock Holmes canon since my first year of college and consider myself quite a fan. Since that time the Granada television series has been the perfect companion to Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's mystery stories. Jeremy Brett who played Sherlock Holmes brought the character to life, a living embodiment of the Great Detective. While all the interpretations were done with great respect to detail of the writing and of Victorian London, my favorite shows tend to be my favorite stories: The Musgrave Ritual (for which my cats Brunton and Musgrave are named), The Greek Interpreter (where we meet Sherlock's older brother, Mycroft), the Resident Patient, and the Sign of Four.

It is only within the last few years that I have broadened my horizons and delved into other screen portrayals of Sherlock Holmes. Dressed to Kill was the first one I had seen. I didn't make it through the movie. It took place in the 1940s and had absolutely nothing to do with anything Doyle had written. Basil Rathbone played the detective who looked like, but really did not sound nor act like Sherlock Holmes. He had that very direct, short tone of voice that was common to the actors of the 40s and his sidekick, Nigel Bruce, was a pompous, bumbling idiot and in no way like Holmes' beloved chronicler and friend Dr. Watson. I couldn't believe that these two were the legendary Hollywood Holmes and Watson. I was offended and avoided them for several years.

Since then I have found various DVD compilations of the old movies and even a television show from the 50s. While I still hold the opinion that Brett is the ultimate Holmes, I have softened my stance on those other guys. This is partly due to the radio shows that Rathbone/Bruce did in between shooting the films. While the movies were set in modern day, the radio shows go back to 221B Baker Street in London at the end of the 1800s. While the sound effects and organ playing are often campy, they do highlight the action that stays much truer to the original accounts of Dr. Watson than do the WWII era films.

So, if you are a fan of the writings seek out the Jeremy Brett collection. There is no question that he becomes Sherlock Holmes in each performance; the mannerisms, the habits, the speech patterns. If you are more into black and white 1940s Hollywood then Basil Rathbone will serve you well.

An admitted weakness in graphite and Prisma Color Pencil

2007-11-11T15:23:00.000-05:00

Hand-Me-Down World

2007-11-11T10:35:00.000-05:00

I don't know why it took me so long to relay this story, but I think you will enjoy it. I was just speaking to my sister about possible x-mas gifts and had mentioned that if she had any hand-me-downs they would be much appreciated. Does that sound strange? As it turns out, my brother-in-law and I am similar in size. Being ever fashion conscious, my sister passes on to me things that he no longer wears. As I have no interest in clothes shopping it works out to my advantage. This brings me to my favorite pair of pants of all time.

Size 34 waist 30 length Khaki, Corduroy, Old Navy Carpenter pants with a side strap for a hammer ("good evening, your excellency. How hangs the hammer?" -George Carlin). These are the most comfortable pants I ever remember wearing. They feel better than worn in jeans, yet look professional enough to wear to work. Having said that, they have fallen into disrepair. Probably 2 years ago the back right pocket got caught on something and was nearly ripped off. Luckily the hole was not large enough to take away from the overall presence. I just stopped using that pocket. The front, right-hand pocket where I keep my keys had become another story, however. First the corduroy became worn away. It started to look like a bald spot (yeah, I know. Keep your smart-ass comments to yourself!). Then, about 2 weeks ago I noticed a hole started to be worn into the thinning fabric. At this point I should have retired the pants. They have served me well. I just couldn't let them go.

This brings us to 2 Thursdays ago (or thereabouts). I was on the job and it was about 1:45 pm. I was having a disagreement with a co-worker pertaining to Jolt Cola. I insisted that that was in fact the name of this highly caffeinated beverage and that the label was red with white lettering and a yellow lightning bolt going through the "O". He countered that it was actually Jolt Energy drink and had a different colored label, let's say blue. I had yet another co-worker go to the computer to download an image and prove myself right and the other party wrong ("what an asshole! "-the horse and buggy man). I was squeezing my way between a table and the back of a chair with a loose bolt sticking out when I looked up at the computer screen and saw the exact Jolt label that I had described minutes before. I called everyone's attention to the screen pointing out that I was right and the other person was wrong (man, that really is an asshole thing to do!)

"And they tried to tell me otherwise!" I announced, just as I heard a RRRRIIIIIPPPPPPPPPP! I then felt a cool breeze where there should not have been one. I looked down to see that the frayed pocket of those treasured pants had caught the loose bolt and had torn a hole revealing a pale, hairy thigh.

Needless to say, there were 15 people pointing and laughing at me ("as I lay in a pool of my own blood..." no, it wasn't quite that bad). What could I do? I joined the laughter. It was hilarious. I grabbed some masking tape and did this...

Later, as we were walking out of the building, people were asking me about my new fashion trend. A witness relayed the tale as he saw it, "Yeah, you were acting all cocky because you were right about that label, and then RIP!"

I stopped and thought about it and said, "I guess you're right. What a jerk. That's what I get."

Here's to Harry

2007-11-06T18:14:00.000-05:00

"...so come on down to Harry's Sex Shop. That's me, Harry, the guy with a snake on his face"

So claims the late great John Candy in the guise of this lovable, if sleazy, adult novelty store owner on SCTV. How's that for an attention getter? I open with this because today is election day 7 November 2007, one year to the day that we elect a new president in 2008. I was not going to go to the polls today. The girls had a vet appointment and I had gotten home from that, put on my fleece pajama pants, made a pot of decaf and sat down at the computer to look for blog updates and otherwise waste time. That's when the phone rang. It was the chief on his way from work to the election polls. I mentioned that I did not know enough about the local game to get involved, but he argued that I, of all people, know that I need to vote and not leave the choices to everyone else. Fair enough. There were 7 issues on the ballot. Three dealt with unopposed politicians, three dealt with tax levies, and one dealt with the aforementioned "Harry".

The religious extremers would like to impose a curfew on strip clubs and "adult bookstores", imposing a fine on these businesses that should stay open after midnight. They also want to limit the touching of semi-nude dancers to a few designated areas. Unfortunately there was no diagram as to what would be legal and what would be a no-no. It is unfortunate because that would have made the ballot a lot more fun.

It struck me as odd that these people curse and damn the evil "LIBERALS" who want to force the business owner to answer to the big bad government. "Keep government off our backs", wasn't that Reagan's motto? Yet, that goes out the window when they don't agree with the business. This seems absurd to me. If it is that big a goddamn deal, why don't they stop playing for chicken-shit and go for the prize. Legislate to CLOSE THE FUCKERS DOWN! The problem there is that they couldn't get the backing because of the money that these legitimate legal businesses bring in. That is not to say that they are right or wrong, but they are legal. This micromanaging bullshit is just wrong.

Any guesses how I voted?

Ride the Lightning

2007-10-31T15:35:00.000-04:00

I have been meaning to post this for the longest time, but just haven't gotten around to it. It was a busy and fantastic weekend as already mentioned on 2 other blogs (Chief/O'Malley) but it is definitely worth mentioning here. The "somewhat
holy trinity" of Rabbi Pfefferberg, Father O'Malley, and Hari Elgarf left their mark on the local Halloween block party and I can't wait to see these two guys again.

Anyway, on to the post. Have you heard this ongoing debate about the lethal injection? Certain parties have filed a lawsuit to delay the execution of death-row inmates claiming that the administration of the three drugs does not always follow protocol, and this may OR MAY NOT result in cruel and unusual punishment. As I understand it one drug puts the killer to sleep, another numbs the senses and the third shuts down the organs, or something like that. If, however, these are given in a different order the organs are shut down while the killer is aware and able to feel pain. Some states have called a moratorium on executions until this is settled. Others have not.

I agree that this must be stopped. We cannot have killers feeling pain during their transition into non-being. I think someone should come up with some sort of device that introduces a lethal dose of electricity into the body. A sudden jolt, in a comfortable chair might make the transition into nothingness more palatable. Or, what if they were to tie a rope around the killer's neck and, with the aid of some sort of trap door and the laws of gravity, a quick snap could bring the end relatively quickly. I know these ideas are new and radical but I feel they would make public execution much more agreeable to everybody.

The Second Coming

2007-10-25T20:06:00.000-04:00

Yes, another post on Season Six Part II of the Sopranos. Having said those harsh words about Mr. Chase I think it is only proper to give credit where credit is due. This is one of the single most powerful episodes of the entire series (imho, as they say). Now I know the chief can't tolerate Anthony Jr., but I have always felt that he got a raw deal. There has always been so much drama in the lives of Tony, Carmella, and (God knows) Meadow. AJ was spoiled, yes, but it was always a matter of throwing money at him so they didn't have to deal with him, never taking into consideration that he was just a confused kid not knowing which way to go. Sure, he was "Tony Soprano's son" and kids at school took advantage of that fact in hanging out with OR ostracizing him. Did he ever flaunt it? No. Never in the series did he say "do as I say or my dad will come after you." The parents did, and so did some glory hounds, but he didn't. Yes, he was whiny and yes he was a Mama's boy, but what else did he know?

At any rate, the performance of the entire cast in this episode was amazing. If this was the episode that got the emmy recognition and I am repeating what has already been said, I apologize. Go ahead and stop reading, I am an idiot and didn't know. Otherwise, I will continue.

The raw emotion and pain expressed by everyone was so REAL. Here was a family facing a real tragedy. All the bullshit was cast aside and you had a mom and a dad and a sister heartbroken for the baby of the family. The whole relationship thing became somewhat farcical at the end and the overindulgent depression that he went through makes it easy enough for one to say, "get over it, already." I guess I felt that way too. She (Blanca) really only seemed to tolerate (and even pity) him. But I would like to point out that this was AJ's first chance to step outside himself as the boss's son and become his own person. He didn't care that she had a son by another man, and in fact, fell for that kid almost as much as he did for the mom. He also began to realize that not everyone had it as good as he did. He did become somewhat idealistic about what could be done, but this was his first glimpse of the larger world. Some might even say that this awakening could be similar to that of the Prince Gautama who was sheltered from the outside world by his father. When he ventured out into the world and saw the sick, the aged, the dying, he began the journey toward enlightenment. Does that mean that AJ will do the same? No. I don't even mean to change the chief's (or anyone else's) mind with this post. I would only like to refute the claim that Anthony Jr. was nothing more than a whiny bitch. It goes far deeper than that.

Now, to throw some ice-cold water on the situation, the real reason I started this ramble was to point out the sheer artistry that David Chase has in spite of my calling him an "asshole" for what he did to Sil and Bobby. In this series there are a lot of shades of grey. If we accept and love Tony, we must also accept that he does some awful things in his line of work. The people that get hurt by him do awful things to so it works out OK. But, the bad guys have never stood out more clearly than in this series, and they usually get what is coming to them. There is the artistry. The New York boss, Phil Leotardo, has completely lost touch with reality. He is no longer a business man in charge of business-minded soldiers, he is completely insane. To illustrate, he has thrown a birthday party with a cake and candles for his dead brother. He has it in his mind that Tony has done him wrong and that the Jersey crew could be shit upon. One of his henchman, Coco, sees Meadow at a restaurant and sexually harasses her. Meadow is nowhere near the business. This clearly steps over the line. At 39:20 I think I can safely say that I witnessed the most satisfying sequence in television history. Tony walks into the restaurant, pistol whips Coco, waves his gun at that bastard Butchie, picks Coco's head up, puts it on the foot rest by the bar, and stomps his fucking head, sending teeth everywhere. It was beautiful. How often does the bad-guy get whats coming to him? In this episode he did.

The Mormon

2007-10-24T18:33:00.000-04:00

In a somewhat recent discussion on another blog that is no longer with us, I commented that the Mormon is not in the running. A question was asked about Mitt Romney being in a political poll, and I said...

good god, I almost pulled a "Perkins". You know what I said, its at the end of the first line.

Anyway, this afternoon I heard a clip on the radio from the most recent republican debate. Mr. Romney was disgusted with the emergence of new tapes in which Barack Obama was calling the insurgents to rise up against the Americans and to carry out the jihad.

I did not make a typo. That's what he said.

Can we now eliminate this idiot from the race? I am no fan of Obama, but to "CONFUSE" a fellow American who is running for the same office as yourself with the terrorist that YOUR president demonized and then dropped the ball on is unforgivable.

Kennedy and Heidi

2007-10-24T18:04:00.000-04:00

Who the hell are these two? I had seen the episode (The Sopranos Season Six Part II Episode 6) but I figured I would watch it again to have the cryptic title revealed to me. Then BANG! Christopher and Tony go careening over the embankment and one teeny bopper turned to the other teeny bopper in the on-coming car that he swerved to miss, and what does she say?

"Kennedy, maybe we should go back and see if they are OK"

Kennedy then tells Heidi "get real, I'm driving on my learner's permit at night." I turned the episode off at that point. Sure, I had seen it before and knew what happened, but that was terribly disturbing. I have already come to terms with the fact that David Chase is an asshole (and forgiven him) for what he did to Sil and Bobby, and now this. Anyway, I was going to comment on the unfortunate fact that the last song Christopher heard was that Piss-Poor rendition of Pink Floyd's Comfortably Numb by Roger Waters and Van Morrison and the Band from the Wall 1990 Concert. He and Tony just discussed how great the Departed soundtrack was, then...

But we are on to other things now. I have not seen the Departed. I may or may not, I do not care either way. My question is, "in what context was that song played?" Can someone tell me? Sure I could do an internet search but I am not that interested in the information, not enough to go out on assignment. My theory is that the story takes place in 1990 and that someone was watching the event to commemorate the tearing down of the Berlin Wall on TV. I can really think of no other reason to revive that piece of shit.

Don't get me wrong. I AM A ROGER WATERS FAN. A Momentary Lapse of Reason was just that on David Gilmour's part and it sucked. Nothing they have done without Roger compares to what they did as a group (The Division Bell was decent, but not on par with DSotM, Animals, Meddle, and so on.) For Roger's part, he sounded great in Berlin. Bryan Adams, Cyndi Lauper, The (fucking) Scorpions, Van Morrison and the Band DID NOT! Just like A Momentary Lapse said a big "Fuck You" to Roger, the Wall Live in Berlin did the same thing in the direction of the Floyd. "It's mine and I will do IT without you!" I used to like Van Morrison up until that point. He sounds like a drunk redneck on his last leg. Could this be the same guy who recorded Moondance? He sure sounds like a hack and will burn in hell for what he did to that song. So, WHY WERE TONY AND CHRISTOPHER SINGING ALONG WITH THAT PIECE OF SHIT! Please tell me. I would like to know.

"That cat's something I can't explain"

2007-10-23T20:27:00.000-04:00

I type this listening to the Mono Mix of Lucifer Sam on the 40th Anniversary Special Edition of (Syd's) Pink Floyd's Piper at the Gates of Dawn. I first saw this set a couple weeks ago and my first impulse was to pick it up right then and there, but the $36 dollar price tag held me back. Then, just this past Saturday I took a box full of lps to the local record trader. I was given $70 store credit for stuff that had just taken up space for the last 8 or ten years! With that I ordered the set and just received it today. As for the sound, it's great, but I have not had the time to compare it to the stereo mix. I will say that with a quick run through I have noticed that the voices shouted through the megaphone at the beginning of Astonomy sound more distinct. More to come on that later. The third disc has a few treats on it. The first 5 tracks are a mimic of the singles disc included in Shine On from 10 years ago, but for up and coming fans Candy and a Currant Bun and Apples and Oranges might be a pleasant surprise. I was very much impressed with the alternate lyrics on Matilda (track 8), not so much by their composition but by their inclusion here and Interstellar Overdrive (take 6), which definitely has some experimentation on it not heard in the various other versions of this track.

I think the packaging on this is the hook, however. It looks like a hard-bound book and includes photographs of this original line-up in the recording studio around the equipment. I hadn't seen these shots before so was impressed. They also included a booklet that is a facsimile of one of Syd Barrett's art portfolios. It is quite fascinating to see the way he mingled words and images in these collages.

Just like anything else, I believe that this will appeal to the fans. It certainly won't convert people to the flock, but it is a refreshing change from the same old cd with a new insert in the same old jewel case. I just hope that Animals eventually receives a similar presentation.

There never was a cake

2007-10-20T00:26:00.000-04:00

OK. I know I am beating a dead horse here, but it is true that when something gets into my head I have a hard time letting it go until it is resolved, at least to my liking. Not that I have to agree with the results, don't get me wrong, it just has to resolve. On a recent four hour road-trip, the one that led up to the previous post, I spent a lot of quality time with my iPod. I had since transferred "a Tramp Shining" Side Two, and was listening to MacArthur Park on repeat (as Jim Morrison once said,"oh, don't ask why"). Again, I know this piece is long-winded to some and farsical to others and I do not mean to convert the inconvertible, but I do not believe there was any cake (in the literal sense) to begin with. We would have to ask Jimmy Webb and I do not know if he is alive or dead or if this topic has already been covered a million times or not. Anyway, Richard Harris is walking through this park (think of him in the trench coat in that old picture of James Dean for Boulevard of Broken Dreams). He is reflecting on a lost love whom he spent so much time with here. He thinks of spring, her yellow dress, and so on. His thoughts lead to tears which make his eyes glassy, creating the "fish-eyed lens of tear stained eyes" (Roger Waters, the Final Cut). The street lights "run", the scene blurs. "MacArthur's Park is melting in the dark" is literal, at least to his eyes. "all the sweet green icing" and "the cake out in the rain" are figurative statements as mentioned in the earlier post. Now, as a kid, when I heard him say, "I don't think I can take it," I didn't even know there was a cake involved, I never heard that. I thought he meant "I can't take it any more". This seems to align more closely than a hobo looking for free food and finding it in the form of a cake being battered by the elements.

In short, "I don't think I can take it (the pain anymore), Cuz' it took so long to bake it (the relationship), and I'll never have that recipe (for love) again".

Amen

"I painted Gregg Allman's house..."

2007-10-14T19:32:00.000-04:00

That was what I heard Friday night at a little hole in the wall bar in Western Pennsylvania. I was catching up with my father and his cousin over a drink or two, when I couldn't help but notice the attractive, if tipsy, young white lady hanging on the arm of an acquaintance of my dad's. I then noticed her flitting from person to person, bumping and grinding against nearly every guy in the bar. At this point I feel it important to note that the crowd was overwhelmingly African-American. Why is this pertinent to the story? Because, as we were sitting in the back room away from the crowd, she found her way back to us and exclaimed, "they're out to get me!", to which my father said, "who is?" to which she replied...

Well, I won't say. It wasn't the mother of all offenses but it was uncalled for. She then found her way onto my cousin's lap and shouted out that she had painted Gregg Allman's house. I asked her if she used watercolors, acrylics, or oils. She gave me a look that clearly said, "there's no one home". I told her that I liked to paint in watercolors, myself. To which she shouted, " I am a professional contractor! I actually painted his house in Florida". I told her that I am a big fan of the Allman Brothers Band, have seen them five times, and have read the biography, "Midnight Riders". "I thought he lived in Macon Georgia," I said.

"Are you calling me a liar?!" she shouted. No, I wasn't. I just thought he lived in Georgia. What she should have said was, "No, silly. The band may have come together there but he doesn't live there now." To which I would have replied, "Well said". Instead she became indignant. "I have a picture of myself with Gregg!" to which I asked, "Is it in there?" pointing to her purse.
"No," was the reply. "That's convenient," I said.

"WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY!!!???" she shouted. I made it clear that I wasn't trying to say anything, but that wasn't good enough. "You know that song, 'Sweet Melissa'? He sang it to me. My name is Melissa." I said that it must have been right before the picture was taken. By now she was becoming livid, so I asked her, " how many toes does he have?" Her jaw dropped. "Dude, I don't even know where you are coming from now?" My cousin asked if I had ever seen his feet. While I hadn't, I do know that there was a certain issue about going to Vietnam, and a bottle of whiskey and a shotgun somehow got mixed up one night and Mr. Allman sustained a serious injury to his foot, or so I read. I don't even know if he really lost the toe. I guess I wanted "Missy" to clear this up for me, she knew him so well.

She made it clear that she did not know anything about his feet and that doesn't change the fact that she painted the house and that she had seen the band SIX times. I knew that was a lie. If I had said 7 she would have said 8, it was the old one-up game that children use to out-do each other in school. I told her that I didn't believe that.

She started to cry. No shit. She really started to cry. She buried her head on my cousin's shoulder. So I asked her about the 20 minute drum solo that Jaimoe and Butch Trucks still do at every performance (The Chief knows this is true. He lived through it). "Dude, I don't even know who you are talking about!!!" she shouted. To which I replied, "right, and you want me to believe that you have seen them six times." She began to sob again. At this point my father and his cousin stood up and said in unison, "well, we better get going".

I laughed my ass off all the way through the bar to the front door. As we emerged into the street my father shouted, "that's why you don't have a girlfriend!" and we all continued to laugh all the way to our next stop. I woke up the next morning laughing my ass off.

What is the moral of this story, boys and girls?

If you don't know what you're talking about, shut your goddamn mouth.

Blow Me Down

2007-10-10T19:49:00.000-04:00

With 30 minutes to kill while waiting for a prescription I went into the local "super store" to wander around. Looking for nothing in particular I made my way to electronics. There in the $5 bin I found a copy of Popeye, the 1980 Robert Altman film starring Robin Williams and Shelley Duvall. It is so rewarding to revisit a cherished memory from childhood and find it in mint condition. Too often, things pale in comparison (take for example VOLTRON Defender of the Universe. While I will collect everything they put out to honor the memory, many episodes make Speed Racer seem smooth and fluent {it wasn't}). I watched the movie as soon as I got home and am happy to say that, while just silly in parts, it is just as good as I remember it. The actors' cartoonish portrayals of these immortal characters is truly remarkable from Robin Williams' hilarious mutterings, to Shelley Duvall's gangly movements and screechy, "POPEYEEEEEE!!" and Ray Walston's hopping up and down on the poop deck shouting orders.

I was pleasantly surprised to see that it was a Robert Altman film. I didn't know him in 1980 when I was in grade school watching the movie every time it aired on HBO. Since then I have come to love M*A*S*H* and even his final movie, " A Prairie Home Companion". I am going to have to delve into the archives and watch some of his other movies.

A Tramp Shining

2007-10-03T23:05:00.000-04:00

"It started as a joke..."
-Tori Amos: Digital Ghost - American Doll Posse 2007

While often a topic of discussion, I never scratched too far beneath the surface of MacArthur Park. It was that song about never having that recipe again. I knew the refrain, didn't even know the name until recent years. It was that song that Apu's daughter did in the talent show on the Simpsons that put the audience to sleep. It was that song that I heard countless times growing up, on the radio and in elevators and in stores and even in the barber shop that played mellow sounds of the day while we waited for a haircut.

I recently bought Season 1 of SCTV on DVD and laughed hysterically at Dave Thomas' impression of Richard Harris performing MacArthur Park live, but for all of the artists who covered the song, why did he pick Richard Harris? I was at the time visiting the Chief, who was also laughing. He did a quick internet search on the topic and found that the original recording was done by none other than Richard Harris, the guy who recently played Dumbledore in the Harry Potter series until his death just a few years ago. I have not looked this up to confirm it but memory tells me that he was also "a Man Called Horse" and that IRA guy in Patriot Games.

At any rate, the Chief and I were recently in a Record Store and HE came across Richard Harris - A Tramp Shining. Released in 1968 this album features Mr. Harris' voice along with the lyrics of Jimmy Webb, and, yes, MacArthur Park is the first song on side 2. The Chief said I had to buy it (it was an exorbitant $2.99). As the first line suggests, I think it was a joke. Then the song appeared in the virtual iPod just to the right of these words. Then the scrolling lyrics showed up. This was starting to get serious. What was Lord Elgarf trying to accomplish? Fun is fun, but this is getting a little excessive. Now the S.O.B. does a posting on it! I can even do you one better...

Yes, in spite of the 7 minutes that may have made radio stations cringe, and in spite of such lyrics as "like a stri-ped pair of pants", "MacArthur's Park is melting in the dark, all the sweet green icing flowing down", and the immortal "someone left a cake out in the rain" there is a haunting quality to the song that takes me back to the seventies (when I heard it, anyway). Instead of asking, "What idiot would leave a cake out in the rain?" I choose to ask, "What tragic circumstances led this person to abandon such a pastry (a cake is not an everyday confection such as a pie or a plate of cookies, but a representation of a celebration: a birth, a wedding, a birthday, an anniversary). It clearly symbolizes the end of something that was held dear.

I won't say how many times I have listened to this album, but I will say that as one side ends I flip it and play the other side, repeatedly.

Cookie Slappings

2007-09-30T14:52:00.000-04:00

Ever been slapped in the face by a cookie? No, not WITH a cookie, but BY a cookie. Up until Friday night I could answer that question with an emphatic NO. Unfortunately, since then, times have changed. I went to a Chinese buffet with a good friend and had a great meal. It was all fun and games until I opened that god-forsaken fortune cookie at the end of the meal. Here it is (for your viewing pleasure, and my disgust).

I was floored. Not only did it berate me, it also let me know that I had to accept it. Who am I to say otherwise? Over the years I have come to accept the basic concept of what the cookie says. "Que Cera Cera, Whatever will be will be," it is reasonable enough. We are all small pieces to a large puzzle, I get that. But do we need to cram it down my throat? If, for example, I were a hot-head, hell-bent on changing everything, would this not compel me to prove the cookie wrong? "Who says it is meant to be?" I would ask. "Certainly not me, by god!" Then I would go about changing the situation by ANY means necessary. "I'll show you!" would become my new motto. "GODDAMN COOKIE!!!" I would encourage all like-minded citizens to take up arms and champion the cause for change. Do we really need any more goddamn zealots? Are we not trying to roll back such actions with the Department of Homeland Security?

I don't mind saying I was appalled by this cookie. I am forwarding this message to my local congressman (and I urge you to do the same). We need to stop these "FORTUNE" cookies in their tracks, before they can get their inflamatory message out to the masses.

Justice

2007-09-26T17:15:00.000-04:00

I have to admit that it is a rare event when someone gets what is coming to them and justice is served. Man, was I excited to hear about the conviction of Warren Jeffs this morning. He is the fundamentalist whacko "prophet" of the Church of blah, blah, blah, of blah, blah, blah. He arranged the "marriage" of the 14 year-old girl to her 19 year-old cousin, against her will. Then she did the unthinkable. She protested. Apparently you are not allowed to do such things in this cult. You see, "Brother Jeffs" receives his messages from god, himself and, therefore, anything he says goes. Boy, is that convenient. Where can I buy some of that moxy? He seems to have gone to the Jim Jones School for Manipulation of the Weak-Minded, or possibly the David Koresh School of Let's-Arm-Ourselves-and-Make-a-Stand-Against-the-Government. I only wish Janet Reno could have stopped Jeffs in his tracks too. But, no, he was found guilty by a jury of his peers, so that will have to do.

Cloudless everyday you fall upon my waking eyes...

2007-09-22T00:55:00.000-04:00

As I type this I am listening to my second revolution on the turntable of Pink Floyd's 1971 masterpiece, "Meddle". While nowhere near as commercial as the Wall, Wish You Were Here, or the Dark Side of the Moon, it is every bit as monumental in the development of the group's sound in the early 70s. With the departure of Syd in 1968, Roger became the "surrogate" head of the band, but at this time there was a lot of experimentation going on. The 23 minute, 31 second Opus - Echoes would become a staple of the group's live performances and give them a format to follow in future recordings. In fact, I (as well as many other Floyd afficionados) will tell you that Echoes does in 23 minutes what Dark Side of the Moon Does in 42. The dream-like lyrics are accompanied by soft, mellow, sounds that morph into a jazz-pop rhythm, then into a whale song interlude before returning to the main theme and fading out.

This really wasn't meant to be a record review, however. The above scan shows the remnants of the once proud facade of the Meddle album. The record itself is in a similar state. I bought it at the Valley View flea market in Brookfield Ohio, from a guy named Bob. I was looking through the dollar bin (most records were priced $3.00) and came across it. Meddle is hard to find in ANY condition on vinyl. I didn't care if it would play a note. I took it to the counter, HONORED to take it home in any condition (This is true. Some would argue that I need a life). Bob charged me a quarter (the same denomination that threatened our friend two posts ago!). A GODDAMN quarter for PINK FLOYD's MEDDLE!

Since then I have rinsed, sprayed with Windex, and "scrubbed" with a soft paint brush this album. There is a constant sizzle of static throughout the recording, but the skips are at a bare minimum. Keep in mind this record is scratched beyond recognition. The label on the disc is completely gone. It looks as though this album nearly floated away in a flood.

The introductory photo and this are all that remain of the water damaged sleeve, but GODDAMN if this beat up old piece of vinyl doesn't have a beautiful sound!

While I could leave my thoughts there, the whole idea of this "romantic" post was to lament the closing and DESTRUCTION of the Valley View flea market. The former muse became even more familiar with the afore mentioned Bob than I myself did and I took Mr. Rosenberg to the same location at least once or twice. I fondly recall an older gentleman by the name of Steve who had a European accent and also sold records. I told him of my journey to Branson Missouri and the Mickey Gilley concert I took in with the chief and every time I went back he had several albums reserved for me. I would pay him the couple bucks whether I needed the album or not. I hope to find these gentlemen at similar locations in the future. If not I wish them the best of luck, and I hope they can find an outlet to share their love of recorded sound with others that they shared with me.

Jena 6

2007-09-21T20:36:00.000-04:00

After listening to the reports on this story I wanted to come home and write up some thoughts. Before I could get to the computer I received a somewhat heated phone call from a good friend who had been listening to the same reports and who, while fundamentally on the same side of the ISSUE, took exception to the coverage. I would like to outline my thoughts and then get your feedback.

Let me first say that I believe Don Imus got the shaft. Does he say things that he shouldn't? Yes. Does this make him a hate-filled bigot. No. If you listen to Glenn Beck, Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, Michael Savage, Ann Coulter you will find hate-filled rhetoric and character assassination that hides behind the first ammendment. I don't challenge their right to broadcast what they broadcast and do from time to time enjoy the airwaves of the EIB network. My only point is that Imus' comment was stupid, childish, inappropriate and worthy of an apology,censure,fine, etc., but not the witch hunt that led to his departure.

Having said that, as I understand this story in Jena, there was an outside gathering on the school grounds. The one shaded area was normally occupied by a certain group of white students. One or more of the black students ASKED FOR PERMISSION to sit under the tree. They didn't want to cause trouble. They were given permission and sat with the white students (are we back in the 60s? Are we not past this?). The next day there were nooses hanging from said tree. The white student (or students) was given a 3 day suspension from school. Upon returning to school the "6" apparently beat him within an inch of his life and were charged with attempted murder. If these are not the facts, than I truly do not understand this case.

If the above is true than I say the attempted murder charge was probably little more than racism, and I am glad that the charges have been reduced to assault. Should this group be charged with assault? Of course they should. Was the beating justified? I say yes. When you live in Louisiana, two years out of Katrina where the Bush administration is still taking heat for their delay in responding to the needs of the poor black community, and race relations are strained, who in their right mind would think that hanging nooses on a tree would be a good idea?(nor would it ever be a good idea). Personally, I think the bastard is lucky he made it out alive. My guess is he won't be displaying such public hatred for any minority group any time soon. If I were a parent of the 6, I would be proud, having said that, you can't beat a person half to death and walk away unpunished. Working with the 11-14 age group, I know that when there is a fist fight, it is counted as assault and the authorities are called in, regardless of the kids' skin color (most of ours are white).

So I guess I don't understand the protest, and I know that was the purpose of the above-mentioned phone call. If people are there to show support of the 6, hell, I am with them. If they are saying that these kids did nothing wrong, they are fighting a losing battle.

For all those that fear change...

2007-09-18T15:17:00.000-04:00

"Welcome disgruntled consumer. You have reached the Simpson's replacement box hoax, I mean hot-line,"
so I was greeted by Homer Simpson after dialing the 800 number on the insert I received with my season six of the Simpsons boxed set. To back up, season six was the first set they released in the new plastic Simpson's head style (this one is Homer's head). My first thought was, "that's crummy, it will throw the whole collection out of whack on the shelf,' and after speaking to a good friend in the retail business, he explained that it was crummy because this package would be more prone to theft.
I don't mean to diminish the season because there many classic episodes such as "Homer Bad Man" which features the gummy Venus de Milo and the "sweet, sweet can...", Bart vs. Australia in which instead of taking "the boot" as a punishment for international fraud Bart moons the nation with a message on his ass (to which Lisa says, "I'm amazed at how legibly you wrote on your own butt," Homie the Clown which is becoming my favorite episode of all time, and of course, Who Shot Mr. Burns? (Part One)

At any rate when I first bought the set I didn't care for the packaging, but had to have the season. I didn't know that there were 2 versions. When I opened the box there was an insert that looked like this...

I heard from Homer in the message above and was directed to simpsonsbox.com. At the time I could not download the form to send in and didn't continue the transaction. After upgrading to DSL, I updated the system and downloaded the form. It began as this:

Welcome complainers, all those that fear change, and greedy people who like free stuff...

I then had to answer the following question:

Reason for wanting a new box:

Anal Retentive (box must be identical)
Lonely (will pretend box is new best friend)
Will sell new box to collector nerds for huge profit
Just like free stuff
Big Baby

Obviously it was number one. So I sent it in with the original receipt and a couple bucks for shipping and handling (at the same time I mailed in the Fall Guy rebate), and waited. Just as I started to think it was a hoax, the box arrived today. Those guys at Fox are OK.

...and the music played on

2007-09-13T15:55:00.001-04:00

I begin this post with a respectful nod to Queen City Musings, which for certain political reasons, is no longer in existence. The Blogspot is a little less witty, and a little less informative, and a lot less cheerful today, and as we are now beginning Ramadan I think it is only fitting to cry out, "CURSE THE INFIDELS!!!" Were it not for said Muse this site would not be up and running, and I welcome his comments and even his postings if he would so grace us here.

I did have the chance to download the Steppin' Out video last night, and what a flashback. I was on the right track with my comments yesterday. What I had forgotten was that not only was Joe Jackson sitting in the lonely hotel room while the busy city went on without him, but so too did the chamber maid dream of Stepping Out as she made up the room of the well-to-do woman, dancing around while holding up a borrowed evening gown. While not melancholy, the song and the video both have a bitter-sweet feel, and the Jazz/Pop sound of it and the Night and Day album rank it, at least in my mind, somewhere near Steely Dan's Aja.

and the band wore blue shirts...

2007-09-12T15:06:00.001-04:00

I got reacquainted with an old friend last week and have been meaning to sit down and write about it but just haven't. Most of you are familiar with him, Joe Jackson. I have been a fan of Steppin' Out since it was released in 1982. I remember the video of him playing piano in that lonely room. There was always something haunting about it. It takes place in New York City where millions of people are buzzing around but here was this musician sitting by himself with his music. He sings about stepping out into the night with a significant other but does the exact opposite (at least as far as memory serves, I have tried to download the video but have only gotten the beginning clip. I haven't seen it in 20 some years.) Steppin' Out is the centerpiece to the album Night and Day, the fifth album and the one that would define his style. 1997 was the year that I began to revisit Joe Jackson after that initial fascination in the early 80s. Look Sharp! and I'm the Man were his first two albums. They had catchy tunes and were done in the New Wave Pop/Punk style. I borrowed the records from my uncle and recorded them on Maxell (or was it Memorex?) tapes and vividly remember listening to them back and forth from my hometown of Sharon, PA, to my then new residence of Athens, OH, a 4 hour drive. In those early days I often had company in the car. Shortly thereafter I would be making the journey by myself. I remember several nights being in the kitchen, sipping on a glass of wine, making dinner for two, and listening to Night and Day. As 97 became 98 the song Breaking Us In Two seemed to be hitting closer and closer to home. Goddamn! How did he know?

As 98 became 99 I left, and then returned to the Athens area. At that time I would be making Zatarain cajun rice as dinner for one and listening to the Body and Soul album from 1984.

"Did you do me right? Did I do right by you? When I bared my soul it seemed you did not hear. Can this be true?"

Again, I was amazed at how he knew just what I was feeling, and experiencing.

By the way, remember the Public Defender on Night Court who did a season before Markie Post? Ellen Foley. She does back up vocals on this album.

At any rate, we were in 1999 and Joe Jackson had been releasing several new albums including Symphony No. 1 and even wrote an autobiography of his early years. Turns out he was a geeky music major too. I could really relate to this guy. Then came Night and Day II in 2000. It was, again, haunting and lonely but very much a sincere, heartfelt masterpiece. I drank many a beer listening to it. The album cover is even more haunting today. It shows Joe through the rearview mirror of a New York taxicab heading toward the World Trade Center (I intentionally did not write this yesterday).

Well, to wrap this ramble up, I moved on and listened to other things. I made some positive changes and lost a major portion of the gloom and self-pity. Unfortunately I always associated Joe Jackson with those "Dark Ages" and while I never lost interest or the love of his music, I chose not to listen to it. Night and Day, however has been creeping back into rotation on my turntable and now into the iPod, as well. I have since imported Look Sharp!, I'm the Man, Summer in the City, and so on. I listened to these on that same 4 hour trip back to Sharon, PA this past weekend and all I can say is, "Welcome back. I missed you!"

"Betray-Us"

2007-09-10T16:20:00.000-04:00

Well the much awaited report by General Petraeus came out today. Funny how he gave a disclaimer saying that all of the following words were his own. Well, of course they were, General. Who else would they belong to? (certainly not the law-abiding open-door administration that you are reporting for.) Anyway, at least he suggested a draw down in 30,000 troops by summer 2008. I guess that's a start. To be honest I am really not concerned by the vaccuum that would be created by our immediate withdrawal, nor the answer to that loaded question "are you going to tell all the families of men who died that they died for nothing?" These people are smarter than the public gives them credit for. They are well aware of what was accomplished by the loss of 3800 troops:

"We Got HIM!" Yeah!!!!

Funny how this administration can redefine and expand their powers, getting around any and every obstacale in their way, but they just couldn't get around that whole "Anti-Assassination" thing put into place by of all presidents, Gerald Ford.

Mr. Rosenberg, Mr. Rosenberg

2007-09-09T18:59:00.001-04:00

At the request of my good friend, Sol, I went to the Simpsons Avatar generator and came up with this likeness. I hope it does him justice. I would, however, like to see his own interpretation of himself, myself, and possibly the QCM. I tried to create one of Tony but could not capture his likeness.

I. too, am returning from a weekend away. My mother and I watched the movie "Breach" last night. It tells the story of how Eric O'Neill began working for, and ultimately causing the downfall of Robert Hanssen. Hanssen was a member of the FBI for 25 years but was found to be leaking information to the Russians. I very much enjoyed the story but would like to do some fact checking. The movie suggested that O'Neill brought down the worst spy in American history. I remember following the story as it unfolded in 2001, and it may just be that the government was covering its tracks and not letting out too much information out at the time, or it could be that the writers/directors were taking creative license. I don't recall him being such a "powerful" figure in those old reports. Maybe my memory is failing. Any ideas?

SpringGarf

2007-09-05T19:58:00.000-04:00

Having visited the Simpsons Avatar creation site I decided to post a Springfield self-portrait.

That takes care of that.

George W. Boob

2007-09-03T09:07:00.000-04:00

I was just visiting the Queen City Muse's page and re-read an exchange I had with a mysterious "person" who goes by Kirby. Tony had posted a farewell to Alberto Gonzales to which I added some colorful commentary on his performance as Attorney General. Kirby accused me of hating all conservatives and requiring professional therapy. This may be true. I certainly could use some counseling in the area of undying support of George W. Bush. I honestly do not understand it. Everything we said about him since 1999 has been proven true. He is incompetent. He does not have the best interests of America in mind. He cares only about the Bush family and people with whom they do business. He is arrogant, smug, and snickers at us whenever he delivers an address to the public as if to say "I may not be the smartest cow-poke, but I know something you don't know."

Yes, I am an admitted "Bush Hater". There is no getting around that. My hatred died down somewhat after the 2004 election because John Kerry was even less competent. He allowed himself to be manipulated by the right-wingers and the media and was made to look like a villain by his fellow Vietnam Vets. While Bush did not deserve a second term, this guy fucked himself as well as the rest of us. John Kerry will burn in hell.

I have done all I could do. I registered Republican in 2000 and voted for John McCain. He was moderate, honest, and sensible. Apparently that's not what the party was looking for.

Let me also say that while I did vote for Bill Clinton in 1992, I did not vote for him in 1996. I could not vote for Bob Dole who in every appearance sold himself as a bitter old man who was out of touch with every aspect of American life, but I decided that if that was America's choice I would be OK with it. So while a democrat, I don't think I am blinded by party lines and I tend to lean to the middle.

At any rate this has rambled on long enough. Please tell me why you still defend George W. Boob. I honestly do not understand.

"When a body meets a body..."

2007-09-01T23:45:00.000-04:00

When I first heard a report on the "Bodies" exhibition on NPR I was hooked. I couldn't wait until it was brought somewhere near me so I could see it. My first glimpse came in the newest James Bond movie "Casino Royale" which came out about a year ago. Today I got to experience it firsthand at the Easton Market in the Greater Columbus Ohio area. I know there was a controversy over whether or not the exhibition of dissected, flayed, and posed human beings was morally right or wrong and I know there are people who would stop it if they could. All I can give is my own take on how it affected me physically and emotionally.

I must admit that when I got in line for the ticket I didn't think my stomach could handle what I was in for. My friend Tony seemed to have the same thought. He said, "we probably shouldn't have eaten right before we came here". I think its fair to say that the hardest part was getting into the first room and standing face to face with the bones, musculature, and EYES of the first cadaver. Throughout the exhibit that was the one thing that bothered me. I understand why it was done, and I do not question it, but God-Damn it was unnerving to see those eyes without eyelids screaming at me like a horror movie. That made the experience real. There was no escaping the fact that this person once stood among us (the living) but does so no more. The little feet and hands also drove this point home (what did they create in their short time?). I was very much humbled by the experience. As gruesome and macabre as some could say this display is, it is very much grounded in reality. For all our outward differences, break us down to the basics and it is all the same. These people have simply completed the cycle. I don't mind mentioning that my eyes are watering as I type this.

I heard the argument that it is disrespectful to take the body of a once living person and pose them with a basketball as if they were in a Gatorade commercial, minus the skin (and the dignity). I am no sports fan (band geek, dungeons and dragons player, etc.) but the poses were tastefully animated; they showed the body in action, what it looks like to actually use those muscles. Each and every pose was dignified and beautiful in an aesthetic way. I took out my sketchbook when I got to the display of the heart. When is the next time I will be able to draw from an actual human heart without harvesting it myself?

One display that I simply bypassed was the fetuses/babies. I did look into the liquid containers that held the different stages of human embryos, but when I saw the shapes of the little skeletons after the first trimester and the full sized infants, I moved on. While I could indulge my morbid curiosity about a full grown being, it was simply too much to consider the loss of such a little person. This may make me sound like a conservative, but I can assure you this is not the case. I understand that we live in a gray world (not clear cut black and white) and that there are issues and elements beyond our control that force people to make life altering (ending) decisions, and I hope I am not put in that position. I do not believe that it is in our best interest as a nation to hunt these people down and condemn them to death (as some zealots would, at the same time they try to eliminate the welfare system) but, on an afternoon of discovery, and just hanging out with a friend, I could not bring myself to face such issues.

I think it is safe to say that my companion did not have the same experience in the exhibition that I had. It just wasn't "his thing", and it may not be yours either, but if you can believe the observations of a hopeful cynic, I think that you will find the "Bodies Exhibition" to be a very rewarding experience.

Don't Blame Me, I voted for Kodos

2007-08-27T20:35:00.000-04:00

Monday night, 27 August 2007 4:30-6:00 pm I welcomed a new addition to the family. Kang makes my tenth tattoo. i have wanted to get a Simpsons tattoo for the longest time but could never settle on a design. I have seen countless Bart tattoos and have not been impressed by one of them, nor the Homers etc. Well, two weeks ago before leaving for a trip to the Outer Banks, NC I stopped at a Burger King for a fish sandwich. They were selling Simpsons merchandise to promote the movie so I bought a talking Homer. The food came in a bag that had characters from the show all over it. There were Kang and Kodos out in front. I decided then and there what my next tattoo would be. While not my favorite characters (that honor goes to Krusty and Clancy- neither one of them suited for their professions of clown and cop) they are certainly quirky and are done in the unmistakable Matt Groening style. Kang fits in well next to Hunter S. Thompson, and my interpretation of Giacometti's, "the Nose".

I'm sure it will not be my last. Let me say that I have gotten 7 tattoos from Art Apocalypse in Athens Ohio and 4 of them from Chad. He does excellent work, as do the other artists.

Fall Guy Rebate

2007-08-24T17:32:00.000-04:00

On July 4th of this year I was in the Tri-County Mall in Cincinnati Ohio with my two good friends the Queen City Muse and his regular contributor, Sol Rosenberg. After price-checking several sources for the DVD release of the first season of The Fall Guy with Lee Majors and Heather Thomas I settled on the 6 disc set for $36.99 at FYE owned by Transworld, the former employer of one such good friend. As I was getting the receipt the clerk said, "and here is your rebate for $27.00". I took two steps, looked at Tony and asked if I heard that correctly. He had the same reaction I did. I returned to the counter and asked the clerk. He replied that I had heard correctly and if I followed the directions I would get the $27.00 that would bring the total cost of the set to $9.99. When I returned home I did the paperwork and mailed it in. I shortly thereafter received an e-mail confirming that Transworld had received my rebate request and would process accordingly.

Today, not two months later, I received the check. I used it to buy one of those pricey clear plastic ipod covers. While too expensive for my money, this one was on Transworld.

The Nose

2007-08-23T16:20:00.000-04:00

I begin this entry with a scan of one of my all-time favorite drawings based on my favorite sculpture of all time. The subject is "The Nose" by Alberto Giacometti. It was done in 1947 (the year my mother was born) and is made of bronze (the figure), twine, and an open cube made of iron from which the figure is suspended. As I type this the drawing (black ballpoint pen, black ink wash and coloured pencils) is three years old. I made it in August of 2004 when I had the opportunity to go back to the Hirsch Horn Gallery in Washington D.C.

Giacometti's sculptures are beautiful, in an odd sort of way. While his human figures have realistic features, the proportions are often exaggerated through stretching. Normal looking torsos and arms will often be coupled with very long legs. Perhaps my favorite aspect of these sculptures is the tactile surface of them. There is no question that these beings were pinched, shaped and given life by very skilled, very human hands. They are often very rough with bumps and impressions left in the surface.

I have since resized this drawing and gotten it tattooed on my right upper calf. It is part of a growing band of different, yet similar designs around my leg. Its neighbors are a charicature of the late Hunter S. Thompson by Ralph Steadman, a cave drawing of a Scrab from the Oddworld series of games, and a Bone Cannon from the original Nintendo version of Castlevania. I am looking to close the sleeve with Kang (or Kodos) of Simpsons fame.

Any suggestions?

23 August 2007

2007-08-23T15:30:00.000-04:00