Does anybody know the answer to this? I can't remember the last time we had a really good epidemic, can you? I would say it has probably been a generation. We can't seem to wipe out cancer, but the epidemic is gone. Who did it? How did it happen? Can't we bring it back?
To back up just a little growing up in the 1980s there was a serious AIDS epidemic. I think we can all remember the Drugs epidemic that Nancy Reagan so boldly fought with her "Just Say NO!" campaign. On a lesser scale there used to be a flu epidemic that would go around during the winter months that people would go and get innoculated for only to get an early case of the flu and then avoid the upcoming epidemic. I still don't really understand that one.
Now wait just a minute, Mr. Smarty Pants Elgarf, you must be thinking. We still have the problems with AIDS, drugs, the flu, cholera in Zimbabwe...
Stop right there, asshole! These problems are so massive these days that we can no longer settle for the EPIDEMIC! These are goddamn PANDEMIC occurrences!
AIDS PANDEMIC! CHOLERA PANDEMIC! JOBLESS PANDEMIC! Everything is a goddamn pandemic. Why? Why did we never have pandemics before? Were AIDS and drugs less serious in the 80s? Certainly not. How could we possibly live through those epidemic times only to be faced with the pandemics of today? It scares the living shit out of me! My chances of falling victim to a pandemic are far greater than my chances of falling victim to an epidemic. I don't like that. It makes me want to stay inside and not come into contact with ANYONE! I felt much safer in the days of the epidemic. An epidemic is small scale (many individuals within a population, community or region at the same time, excessively prevalent-according to Webster's 9th New Collegiate Dictionary). A pandemic is large scale (occuring over a wide geographic area and affecting an exceptionally high number of the population-according to the same source). We can no longer afford to piss around with epidemics. These are pandemic times!
Wait a minute, when we look at ZIMBABWE and their Cholera PANDEMIC it would seem to fit more into the EPIDEMIC category: many individuals within a population? check. excessively prevalent? check. Covering a wide geographic area and affecting an exceptionally high number of individuals within a population? Not so much. Not yet. In fact I think if the situation over there gets any worse it could have the potential of becoming a Pandemic, but it isn't yet.
We are living in seriously X-TREME! times, sensational times, super-sized times, 24-hour news cycle times!
Everything is BIG, BIGGER, BIGGEST, or at least made out to be that way. I am sick of everything that comes across the news desk being reported in this way. Call it what it fucking is. Don't use "grand" words to make your story seem grander. Doing so reduces your gravitas, in Lord Elgarf's opinion.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Monday, December 1, 2008
The Worst Song of All Time
A couple weeks ago I was on a road trip and flipping through the radio stations, giving my iPod a break. A local DJ was running a call-in show asking listeners for their choices for best and worst songs of all time. I was pleasantly surprised with some of the "best" answers. These included the entire Dark Side of the Moon and the title track from Yes' Close to the Edge album. The DJ was a big Motown/Doo Wop fan so there were a lot of entries from these categories too. But I have to say that the list of worst songs was kind of thin and, while I could see the point of the listeners and their disdain for certain songs, I don't feel that anyone actually captured the "Worst Song of All Time". One girl said, "anything by the Beatles. They are the most overrated band ever." Now I don't want her to like the Beatles and, it is true that they were hailed as the second coming of Christ (and more popular than him too!) but even their worst song, (Number 9! Number 9!) cannot be listed as the worst of all time. That is a very special honor that, to be honest, I really do not know who to bestow upon. I do, however have some suggestions:
Pink Floyd - The Dogs of War, 1986 Being a Pink Floyd fan this one is easy. It is clearly the worst thing to be released under the name of this legendary band, but since it was part of the aptly named A Momentary Lapse of Reason which is little more than David Gilmour's worst solo album it could hardly receive the historical title we are going for in this post. Besides, if you're not a fan you've probably never heard this piece of shit anyway.
ANYTHING by Billy Corgan and the Smashing Pumpkins - 1990s Do you remember this self-indulgent whining bitch? He fancies himself an artist, and believe me those people are the worst assholes of all. They believe that they are on a higher level of existence and deem it necessary to stoop down and explain it to the rest of us, the ignorant masses. Having been an art major I knew and worked with people like this. They live in their middle-class perfect worlds and want to interpret pain and angst they have never known so they whine into a microphone or onto a canvas. Everything that came out of that guy's mouth was shit. Then, as he was getting ready to release his 1990s "Concept" album, Mellon Collie blah, blah, blah, he proudly proclaimed to the world that it would be this generation's "The Wall." Well, gee, Billy that's an awfully large task. Thank you for taking it upon yourself to do that for your generation you arrogant FUCK! By the way, where the fuck is that lousy master piece of shit these days? Does anyone remember it?
What's Going On - by Four Non-Blondes from the 90s Now this is a serious candidate. Remember that out of tune screeching voice screaming into the microphone? I understand that Linda Perry went on to write music for other artists such as P!nk and Christina Aguilera but, clearly they have better voices than she does. No offense, Ms. Perry.
But I guess the song that I am submitting for this great honor of Worst Song of All Time is one that I had to turn off over the weekend. While I was helping my father at his place of business the satellite radio was tuned in to the 90s (you may notice that most of these candidates are from that horrid decade). The upstairs had cleared out and for the first time all evening I could actually hear the music. Sinead O'Connor was warbling "Nothing Compares to You." I had really forgotten how much I hate that song. I RAN over to the switch board and cut her off as fast as I could.
Putting aside her silly behavior on SNL ripping a picture of the Pope in front of the camera and all of that Irish political angst her music really sucks. She was one of those idiots who somehow managed a record deal but had no discernible talent so to get attention she did really outrageous things. Her stint on Roger Waters' 1990 Wall production was just dreadful but, I will say this; she did somewhat redeem herself in 1996 singing back-up vocals on the late, great Richard Wright's solo album, Broken China.
Anyway, that is my list. I would love a good discussion arguing a "better" Worst Song. It really isn't as easy as one would think.
Pink Floyd - The Dogs of War, 1986 Being a Pink Floyd fan this one is easy. It is clearly the worst thing to be released under the name of this legendary band, but since it was part of the aptly named A Momentary Lapse of Reason which is little more than David Gilmour's worst solo album it could hardly receive the historical title we are going for in this post. Besides, if you're not a fan you've probably never heard this piece of shit anyway.
ANYTHING by Billy Corgan and the Smashing Pumpkins - 1990s Do you remember this self-indulgent whining bitch? He fancies himself an artist, and believe me those people are the worst assholes of all. They believe that they are on a higher level of existence and deem it necessary to stoop down and explain it to the rest of us, the ignorant masses. Having been an art major I knew and worked with people like this. They live in their middle-class perfect worlds and want to interpret pain and angst they have never known so they whine into a microphone or onto a canvas. Everything that came out of that guy's mouth was shit. Then, as he was getting ready to release his 1990s "Concept" album, Mellon Collie blah, blah, blah, he proudly proclaimed to the world that it would be this generation's "The Wall." Well, gee, Billy that's an awfully large task. Thank you for taking it upon yourself to do that for your generation you arrogant FUCK! By the way, where the fuck is that lousy master piece of shit these days? Does anyone remember it?
What's Going On - by Four Non-Blondes from the 90s Now this is a serious candidate. Remember that out of tune screeching voice screaming into the microphone? I understand that Linda Perry went on to write music for other artists such as P!nk and Christina Aguilera but, clearly they have better voices than she does. No offense, Ms. Perry.
But I guess the song that I am submitting for this great honor of Worst Song of All Time is one that I had to turn off over the weekend. While I was helping my father at his place of business the satellite radio was tuned in to the 90s (you may notice that most of these candidates are from that horrid decade). The upstairs had cleared out and for the first time all evening I could actually hear the music. Sinead O'Connor was warbling "Nothing Compares to You." I had really forgotten how much I hate that song. I RAN over to the switch board and cut her off as fast as I could.
Putting aside her silly behavior on SNL ripping a picture of the Pope in front of the camera and all of that Irish political angst her music really sucks. She was one of those idiots who somehow managed a record deal but had no discernible talent so to get attention she did really outrageous things. Her stint on Roger Waters' 1990 Wall production was just dreadful but, I will say this; she did somewhat redeem herself in 1996 singing back-up vocals on the late, great Richard Wright's solo album, Broken China. Anyway, that is my list. I would love a good discussion arguing a "better" Worst Song. It really isn't as easy as one would think.
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