Ponzie Scheme

Now I understand that Bernie Madoff was a bad guy and that he cheated a lot of people out of billions of dollars taking their investments and spending them. What I don't understand is what this has to do with "Ponzie."

Wasn't he that "square" on Happy Days that used to wear the cardigan and ride around on the motorcycle saying "Eyyyyy"? What was the name of the guy that played him? Anson Winkler I think it was. Yeah, he had that slicked back 50s style hair and was always kissing Marion Ross's ass, "It's very nice to see you Mrs. Cunningham" he would say and then he would hit the juke box with his elbow and get a free song out of it. Come to think of it, he was kind of a Jekyl and Hyde because it seems to me he would be wearing that brown leather jacket when he would hit the jukebox in Arnold's. Damn it! I saw that leather jacket at the Smithsonian! I never knew what Ron Howard saw in that loser but, Christ he idolized him! Well, at least he wasn't Ralph Malph, that red-headed rat-bastard.

But I digress, what the hell does Madoff have to do with this guy?

For a Friend

Where's the CHANGE?

As most of you know I did not vote for Barack Obama. If I had I would be very disappointed in him.

First let me say that I am very happy that the Bush mistake is over. This failed oilman should never been anywhere near a seat of authority, much less the highest office in the land/world. Nobody hated the man more than me. He certainly did everything in his power to destroy the United States as well as his own republican party.

Having said that, President Obama spent the endless campaign talking about change. Things will be done differently in Washington and corruption will be sent packing, unless of course you take into account the newly appointed Treasury Secretary who had a problem paying his taxes. Oh, yeah, and his nominee for Health and Human Services, Tom Daschle received $250,000 in car services from a friend. In all fairness, Daschle did report this. It just happened to be several years after the fact.

What do these tax cheats have in common with the low to middle income people who flocked to the polls in record numbers to crown Obama king? Nothing. You know, I have been going through the numbers in my head with the last 3 automobiles I have had and no matter what service was done to them I don't get $250,000. Now, clearly I am not a former Senator and Democratic leader but could someone tell me why this is OK?

This brings up another point I would like to make. Does anyone remember John Ashcroft? He was the sitting senator from Missouri running for re-election in 2000 against the popular Governor Mel Carnahan. Sadly, Governor Carnahan was killed in a plane crash shortly before the election. This didn't prevent him from unseating John Ashcroft. Shortly thereafter George Bush was appointed by the "supreme" court and he brought Ashcroft out of public political humiliation and appointed him Attorney General. We can thank him for the "Patriot Act" and that wonderful song "Let the Eagle Soar" that he penned and performed on Capitol Hill shortly after 9/11. Where was I going with this?

Oh, that's right. Daschle was a piss-poor leader in the senate that offered up no resistance to the republicans. He failed at his attempt for the presidency in 2004, thank god, and then was voted out of his senate seat in South Dakota. Hey, I've got a GREAT idea! Let's resurrect him like we did with Ashcroft!

So, instead of bringing new hope and new blood and change to a country that so badly needs it the president is coming across like a junior senator from Illinois. He is making poor choices, going back on campaign promises and has only been in office for 2 weeks. I can't wait to see what is to come!

Guitar Legend

It all started in July. On a day off from my summer job I was invited to my cousin's place to play video games. She asked if I had ever played Guitar Hero. I hadn't. I didn't really actively avoid it (like I do with so many things) I just thought it was the newest craze that all the kids were into and that it wasn't really geared toward me. I couldn't have been more wrong.

We spent the afternoon playing GH III Legends of Rock. I picked up the easy level (the first three fingers playing Green, Red and Yellow) rather quickly and loved playing along with such favorites as The Seeker by the Who, Sunshine of Your Love by Cream and many others. I knew that I needed to jump on this bandwagon and quickly! The next day I bought the bundled pack of Guitar Hero and Guitar Hero 2 along with a guitar controller. I quickly moved up to the medium level (the fourth finger playing the Blue button) and fell in love with the blue-haired Pandora who took the stage each time I played.

It is six months later. I now have all the games available for the PS2: Guitar Hero, Guitar Hero 2, Encore: Guitar Hero Rocks the 80s, Guitar Hero III Legends of Rock, Guitar Hero Aerosmith, and finally Guitar Hero World Tour. I Have since graduated to the "Hard" level which requires the use of four fingers on five keys and, here's the reason for this post, just tonight I beat the first game on this level and achieved the rank of Guitar Legend! Don't get me wrong, I am fully aware of my inability to work the frets and strings of a "real" guitar, but this is still pretty fuckin' cool! Not only that but this particular game has opened up music to me that I never would have considered before: Killer Queen by Queen, Take Me Out by Franz Ferdinand, and Ace of Spades by Motorhead. These as well as many others from the other games (Muse, Danzig, Rage Against the Machine, Iron Maiden) are now in circulation on my iPod. I am anxiously awaiting the next installment in this very impressive series.

A Brush with Greatness

The telephone rings.
The following ensues.

Answerer: “Hello.”
Caller: “Hello?”
Answerer: “Hello.”
Caller: “I’m callin’ about that ad you got in the paper about, uh garden and lawn equipment?”
Answerer: “Yes.”
Caller: “What kind ya got and where are... where can they be seen?”
Answerer: “Wh’I have lawn chairs.”
Caller: “That’s all?”
Answerer: “No! I have udda lawn chairs.”

So begins the "Lawn Equipment Debate" from the Jerky Boys 3 album released in 1996. Sol Rosenberg did indeed place the ad but the poor bastard making the call never does get the information he is looking for.

My first exposure to the Jerky Boys came in the fall of 1993 when my then roommate made passing references to them saying that he would see on Monday with his toolbox, f... face. Shortly thereafter the Chief, of the Chief's Forum brought volumes one and two into my world. Johnny B. and Kamal would make prank calls, record them and distribute them for our amusement. But these were no ordinary prank calls. Some were fictitious answers to real-life advertisements. Others were fictitious advertisements set up to elicit real-life responses. Whatever they were they were NEVER (except of course for "Pablo Honey") an annoying idiot giving you a hard time for no reason. They were clever, fresh, and unbeknownst to me at the time eternal. For better or worse they are now a daily occurrence. In everyday life I can hear the characters answering questions that are posed to me and have to restrain myself from laughing out loud.

"Why does he go on about this so?" you may be asking. Because today I received this through the mail:



To clarify, the cd reads: 'To Elgarf, JB "Sol" ' and the insert reads, "No! I have udda lawn chairs. Best wishes, JB aka "Sol Rosenberg" "

Now,I will not turn into an info-mercial here but I feel this needs repeating. I ordered the Jerky Boys (1) cd. I got an email saying they were out but that Johnny could sign Jerky Boys 2. They would include some cards and stickers as well. I replied that that was fine. So, for the original asking price I got no less than 4 personalized autographed messages from Sol Rosenberg himself!

Hey, Chief, I think you know what you have to do.