Sunday, September 21, 2008

that shapely chick with the light brown curls

I posted this story in a series of comments on another blog. Since it has nothing to do whatsoever with the author's original topic I decided to copy and paste it into a post on the Miscellany. The story, after all, is my own.

I was moonlighting in a second job over the summer, let's say in the service industry. It was a slow afternoon and this shapely young lady (late 20s-early30s) came up to me. She had shoulder-length pale brown hair and was wearing sunglasses that she soon placed on top of her head. I specifically remember the gray tank top she was wearing quite well and remember thinking that she was kinda' hot, although nowhere near as hot as she thought she was. Anyway, I waited on her for some time and she seemed to be getting restless, fumbling with her cell phone. She had a sandwich and was drinking Miller Lite. Soon she was joined by an older guy (mid-60s) wearing a grey hairpiece that was none too convincing. I don't recall what beer he ordered but I think it came in a green bottle, probably Yuengling. They started getting all cozy in their conversation and decided to order some shots of, let's say Jack Daniels. Being outside on the patio the "glasses" that I had available to me were made of plastic, this included the shot glasses. I set them down and started to pour. They looked at each other and started to mumble something. I said, "Excuse me?" They both proceeded to tell me that the glass I placed in front of them was only such and such milliliters and was not a full shot. I looked at them with a blank stare and said, "thank you?" Apparently they thought I needed to be educated by the likes of them. I then reached for the $7.00 that the sugar daddy owed me, he said, "oh, yeah, go ahead and take your money." Did he think I might do otherwise? Maybe give him a shot on the house? I don't know, but my relationship with these people went downhill from there.

You know what? Now that I think of it, the post really didn't remind me of this story. I just wanted to tell it and I guess that was as good an excuse as any.

September 15, 2008 12:49 PM



Elgarf said...
So, where was I? Oh, yeah. He didn't want another beer after I had screwed him on the shot (after they left I checked the bottom of the cup, it is clearly marked 1fl. oz-the same amount that a shot should be). By this time I began to wait on other customers. I came back to the two love birds at one point to find them gone, 2 empty beer bottles sitting on one dollar each. Let me correct that. The Miller Lite bottle was not empty. It had about one finger width of warm liquid sitting in the bottom that she had not drunk in the course of an hour. Obviously,

aw, shit. something came up.
i'll finish this later.

September 15, 2008 1:25 PM



Elgarf said...
Obviously, they had finished, left a dollar tip, and then went on their merry way to fornicate in some cheap motel.

Wrong.

As I went about serving the other customers "she" comes back to the bar. "Where's my beer?" she asked. I told her I threw it away when she left. "I didn't leave! I just went to the restroom!" she shouted. I forget how she put it but she let me know that this was the incorrect way for me to do my job. She began bitching to some female friends who had joined her at the bar. "Where's my dollar?" she bellowed. One of the friends commented that I must have assumed it was a tip and had already taken it, so I reached into the tip jar, pulled out a dollar and put it in front of her. "Well, can I have another beer?" she demanded.

I really didn't understand what was going through "her" head. It seemed to me that she was having a bad day and wanted to take it out on someone so she kept setting me up with these little tests which I repeatedly failed. WHO CARES?!

I put the new beer in front of her took her money and went to ring it up and wait on the other customers. The bar was pretty crowded at this point. As I walked past her sometime later she was bitching to her friend (who was actually very pretty, but, like my adversary she too was in the wrong). "I'm a bartender," she said "and you have got a lot to learn. You don't do that to customers."

September 21, 2008 5:03 PM



Elgarf said...
So I leaned forward, extended my hand and said, "you're a bartender? Congratulations, I'm very proud of you."

You should have seen the look on "her" face! It was priceless! It was like nobody had ever spoken to her like this before. The friend was equally shocked and horrified. Right about this time the owner came around the corner. The two of them spoke up saying, "Are you the owner? We need to talk to you about your bartender."

September 21, 2008 5:07 PM



Elgarf said...
What "they" didn't know was that my father was the owner. I explained to him what happened but he didn't seem to care. He was counting money or something. He then went around the bar and listened to their story. When he came back I asked what they said. He told me to relax, I had done nothing wrong just keep working. This pissed her off even more. She turned to the friend and said,"He's got his head shoved all the way up his dad's fat ass." That is a quote. I leaned forward and got really close to her before I said, "you know, you're really charming." I didn't shout just said it "matter-of-factly".

She was enraged. "Do you think I care what you think of me?!" she shouted.

"But I'm supposed to care what you think of me?" I returned. "She" was out of her league. "Why are you so hostile to me?" she demanded. At that point she and the friend stood up to leave. As she was leaving the bar I picked up her second empty Miller Lite bottle. I held it up and asked her if I could throw this one away. "Are you coming back? Maybe I better not throw this out." I looked over at two other women who had been sitting with but NOT commisserating with her. I told them, "I think she might be coming back." They started to laugh. She shot me one last dirty look before she walked out of my life.

September 21, 2008 5:31 PM



Elgarf said...
Shortly thereafter the two remaining friends spoke up. "We're bartenders too," one of them said, "and she had no right to treat you that way." I thanked her and told her that I wasn't really a bartender by trade, but just helping my dad. She said it didn't matter and I didn't deserve the hard time she was giving me but that I handled the situation quite well. They stayed late into the night and left a rather decent tip.

What is the moral of this story? Mind your own goddamn business. Don't go looking for trouble, and leave me the fuck alone!

September 21, 2008 5:36 PM

Saturday, September 20, 2008

Echoes


Call me Mr. Ganz.

Let me explain, Mr. Ganz of Ganz, Laytom & Ganz LLC is a music collector. His library of recordings is unmatched by anyone I know, or know of. It is so large in fact that he just doesn't get around to listening to everything he has purchased. I used to think that was strange, that is until I fell victim to the same phenomenon.

I discovered something today which I did not know I had. On a recent visit to Amazon.com I saw that David Gilmour is to release a new live album later this month which will feature a live performance of Echoes from his 2006-07 "On an Island" tour. This was very exciting to me. I have always said that the guys did in 23 and a half minutes on Echoes what took them 43 minutes on Dark Side of the Moon. Echoes is simply a beautiful piece with lead vocals shared by David Gilmour and the late, great Richard Wright. It occurs in movements from the echoing opening notes to the classic Floyd sound in the first segment to the jazz transition piece to the whale sounds to the closing vocals and the gentle fade out finale.

On a whim I decided to take a look at 2007's "Remember that Night: David Gilmour Live at the Royal Albert Hall." I bought it as soon as it was released and watched and listened to the entire On an Island set. I, however, did not listen to the classic Floyd set. When I looked at the box tonight I saw that Echoes was a part of the second set. Why had I not seen this before? The best that I can come up with is that I did not spend much time reading the box in the store. I knew I wanted it and that was that. Now I know I viewed disc 2 and the above-mentioned parts of disc 1. I guess I just didn't care to hear Wish You Were Here and the like. At any rate I was completely blown away by Echoes.

As some of you may know on the 2001 release Echoes:The Best of Pink Floyd the fifth track is a shortened version of the title track. Echoes is pared down from 23 to 14 minutes (give or take). It was a staple of the Floyd shows throughout the 70s but very little has been heard of it since. So, you can imagine my surprise and great delight to watch and hear this favorite track being sung by Messrs. Gilmour and Wright in a 22 minute live performance. I only regret that I will not be able to see this done in a future show.

So I would like to thank Dave and Rick for recording what would turn out to be some of Mr. Wright's final performances. It gives us a glimpse of what it must have been like to see the Pink Floyd at their best.

Friday, September 19, 2008

I don't want to live forever.

I just want to live longer than Phil.

I hope that is not too much to ask.

During a recent visit with the Chief, the most Reverend Fr. O'Malley, and Mr. Ganz of Ganz, Laytom & Ganz LLC, Lord Elgarf was treated to the wonders of the internet in the form of a personal search. They had typed in certain names and were showing me all of the info you could dig up on a person. I asked them to look up one Phil P. Duesphol from my sordid past. He was a roommate in college and has the distinct honor of being one of 2 human beings that Mr. Elgarf harbors true hatred for (the other, of course, being george w bush). Phil had called me during the summer of 1993 and let me know that we would be roommates. We told each other about ourselves and seemed to have everything in common. When I finally met him, the similarities began to drop like flies. It turns out that Phil was nothing but a pathetic liar. He soon joined a fraternity and turned his loyal "brethren" against me, even though we were neighbors and had a friendly relationship aside from Phil. It was actually kind of sad the way it happened. I would see Tiny or Gig (jig) in the hall or on campus and say hello. They would look down at their feet and scurry away as if to say, "I would really like to say hello but with the guidelines put forth by this brotherhood that I paid a substantial amount of money to become a member of I simply cannot. I wish you no harm (Lord Elgarf) but am simply unallowed to say hello to you."

Obviously the ignorant fucks weren't that eloquent, but you get the gist. All that was bad enough, but then the pathetic phoney threatened physical harm on me. He was going to throw me out of the second floor window, as I recall.

Anyway, it has been 15 years and the fires haven't died. I promised myself back then that I would water Phil's grave,

WITH MY OWN PISS!!!!!!!!

As you can imagine, I was very disappointed to find that Phil was still living in small town Pennsylvania with that skinny little bitch he was dating at the time. When I told the Chief this he wanted to know where I wanted him to be living! Imagine that! I said, "NO THAT'S THE PROBLEM!"

So, as awful as it may sound, I want to outlive Phil. I don't care if he lives to be 90, as long as I can live one day longer to make that pilgrimage to that small town in Pennsylvania. Hell, I don't care if I stop breathing in mid-stream, as long as I get to water that asshole's grave.

Amen.

Monday, September 15, 2008

Remember a Day



Remember a day before today
A day when you were young
Free to play along with time
Evening never comes

Sing a song that can't be sung
Without the morning's kiss
Queen you shall be if you wish
Look for your king

Why can't we play today?
Why can't we stay that way?

Climb your favourite apple tree
Try to catch the sun
Hide from your little brother's gun
Dream yourself away
Why can't we reach the sun?
Why can't we blow the years away?

-RW 1968



Richard Wright
28 July 1943 - 15 September 2008

Saturday, September 13, 2008

Rock Ass Shit

As many of you know, one of Lord Elgarf's favorite pastimes is collecting vinyl lps. With the advent of the MP3 I've been having a blast importing, converting and listening to these classic tracks on the ipod. One of my favorite collection titles is ROCK ASS SHIT. I had a series of these cds which I would keep in the car and, as you can imagine, the cd library got larger and more difficult to transport, but, DAMMIT, I didn't care! I brought them along anyway!

At any rate I have been working for the last few weeks compiling a ROCK ASS collection that incorporated the old playlists with some new ones. I have listed below the first 60 tracks in this series.

Can't Explain 1965 2:09 The Who Meaty, Beaty, Big...
Break on Through 1967 2:33 The Doors The Doors
Sunshine of Your Love 1967 4:17 Cream Disraeli Gears
Born on the Bayou 1969 5:18 Creedence Clearwater Revival Bayou Country
Carry On 1970 4:30 Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young Deja Vu
No Time 1970 3:55 The Guess Who American Woman
What is and What Should Never Be 1969 4:50 Led Zeppelin Led Zeppelin II
Gimme Shelter 1970 4:39 The Rolling Stones Hot Rocks
From the Beginning 1972 4:18 Emerson, Lake and Palmer Trilogy
Woodstock 1970 4:01 Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young Deja Vu
Jessica 1973 7:11 The Allman Brothers Band Brothers and Sisters
Another Park, Another Sunday 1974 4:28 The Doobie Brothers What Were Once Vices...
Stealin' 1973 4:57 Uriah Heep Sweet Freedom
No Sugar Tonight/New Mother Nature 1970 5:01 The Guess Who American Woman
Peace Frog/Blue Sunday 1968 5:04 The Doors Morrison Hotel
Heartbreaker/Living Loving Maid 1969 7:01 Led Zeppelin Led Zeppelin II
Foreplay/Long Time 1976 7:53 Boston Boston
Light Up 1975 4:17 Styx Equinox
Angel of Mercy 4:36 Dire Straits Communique (LP)
Two Tickets to Paradise 1977 4:04 Eddie Money Eddie Money
Crazy on You 1976 4:56 Heart Dreamboat Annie
Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin' 1979 3:57 Journey Evolution
Bloody Well Right 1974 4:33 Supertramp Crime of the Century
The Seeker 1970 3:16 The Who Meaty, Beaty, Big and Bouncy
20th Century Fox 1967 2:40 The Doors The Doors
Hey,Hey What Can I Do 1970 4:05 Led Zeppelin The New Age of Atlantic
Blackwater 1974 4:17 The Doobie Brothers What Were Once Vices...
More than a Feeling 1976 4:50 Boston Boston
Midnight Rider 2:59 Allman Brothers Band Beginnings 2 (Idlewild South)The Southern Cross 1982 4:48 Crosby, Stills and Nash Daylight Again
Ramble On 1969 4:25 Led Zeppelin Led Zeppelin II
Naked Eye 1969 5:23 The Who Odds and Sods
Closer to Home 1970 10:06 Grand Funk Railroad Closer to Home
Starship Trooper 9:35 Yes The Yes Album
Ride My See-Saw 3:44 the Moody Blues Anthology
Solsbry Hill 4:20 Peter Gabriel Peter Gabriel
Lorelei 1975 3:29 Styx Equinox
Gimme Some Water 1978 3:42 Eddie Money Life for the Taking
Heaven and Hell 4:58 John Entwistle Smash Your Head...
Lovely to See You 2:39 the Moody Blues Anthology
Going for the One 5:36 Yes Going for the One
The Grand Illusion 1977 4:35 Styx The Grand Illusion
Baby Hold On 1977 3:35 Eddie Money Eddie Money
Do It Again 1972 5:57 Steely Dan Can't Buy a Thrill
My Size 3:57 John Entwistle Smash Your Head...
21st Century Schizoid Man 7:23 King Crimson Court of the Crimson King
Roundabout 8:36 Yes Fragile
Fooling Yourself 1977 5:29 Styx The Grand Illusion
Free Four 1972 4:17 Pink Floyd Obscured by Clouds
Gemini Dream 4:07 the Moody Blues Anthology
Don't Take Me Alive 1976 4:16 Steely Dan The Royal Scam
Song for Sonny Liston 5:31 Mark Knopfler One Take Radio Sessions
South Side of the Sky 8:09 Yes Fragile
Apron Strings 3:47 John Entwistle Whistle Rymes
The Low Spark of High Heeled Boys 11:43 Traffic The Low Spark of High Heeled Boys
Games Without Frontiers 4:03 Peter Gabriel Peter Gabriel
I've Got a Feeling 3:38 The Beatles Let it Be
Come Sail Away 1977 6:01 Styx The Grand Illusion
I Know What I Like In Your Wardrobe 4:14 Genesis Selling England by the Pound
Whipping Post 5:29 Allman Brothers Band The Allman Brothers Band

Some tracks don't have the date of release on them. This is pure laziness on my part. I have the information but didn't label them at the time and just didn't feel like looking them up now. You will also notice that many of my personal favorites are absent from the list. While "Black Cow", "Dogs", "Thick as a Brick" and countless others rank far higher on my personal list, they really do not fit in well with theses other tracks be it for length of time or difference in style. I have arranged them so that one song logically flows into another and am happy with the results. The current play time is 4.9 hours.

What do you think of this list? What would you add or subtract? As I said these are just the first 60 there are many more to come. What is my collection lacking? I look forward to hearing your suggestions.

Friday, September 12, 2008

Scaredy-Crats

For once I agree with an Obama supporter. Jamal from (insert city here) is currently speaking to Ed Schultz's surrogate Nor Man Gold Man and pleading him to stop attacking Sarah Palin. MCCAIN, MCCAIN, MCCAIN is Jamal's issue. I have earned some new respect for the Obama crowd.

Why is it that two weeks later the democrats are still harping on this woman? What happened to that sugar-high induced by "I have a dream" part 2? Why are you folks so threatened by Senator Palin?

At this point in the game, you are coming off of 8 years of the worst administration in history. Once again the democrats should have this election wrapped up no contest, just like in 2000 and 2004. They should be singing the praises of their messianic candidate and holding public appearances where he performs minor miracles for the crowd (major miracles could easily go for $1000 a plate). But what do we get? "You can put lipstick on a pig and you still have a pig". She has no experience. She is not ready to lead this nation. Talk about the pot calling the kettle "black."

And what is the deal with the sudden importance of Hillary Clinton? I have heard from several sources that she needs to be out there stumping for Obama day and night. Why? If she was not qualified enough to be your candidate and you can do this thing without her why are we pissing and moaning that she won't attack Sarah Palin? SHE OWES YOU NOTHING!

Please tell me, oh great democrats, that you are not scared that when it comes down to issues and qualifications that John McCain beats you. If having a female Vice-Presidential candidate really threatens your "First Black Party Nominee" status you are admitting to all of us that this was nothing more than a gimmick and a gamble. Isn't Senator Obama worth more than that? Why does Governor Palin threaten Senator Obama so? The number of days served in their respective positions is the same. They ARE EQUALLY QUALIFIED.

So, that is that. Governor Palin is the least of our worries. Let's get back to the facts or lack thereof.

Thursday, September 4, 2008

Got Over It

You know, in retrospect, those people were right. All those people who said that all the Hillary fans need to just get over it and focus on the general election. I admit it was difficult, but she lost and Obama won. Time heals blah, blah, blah. The primary is long over and the same will soon be said about the conventions. We as Americans need to focus on the future and getting this country back on the right track. After listening to Governor Palin speak last night I was given a new HOPE. There is definitely CHANGE on the way and I am very excited to take part in this historical election! It is about time that we get the female perspective in the executive branch and since the democrats didn't have someone to fit the qualifications at least the Republicans do.

In 2000 I voted AGAINST bush. Then in 2004 I voted AGAINST him again. In the spring of 2008 I voted FOR Hillary and in the fall I was looking forward to voting AGAINST Barack Obama. I am proud to say that now I will be voting FOR John McCain and Sarah Palin.