I don't want to live forever.

I just want to live longer than Phil.

I hope that is not too much to ask.

During a recent visit with the Chief, the most Reverend Fr. O'Malley, and Mr. Ganz of Ganz, Laytom & Ganz LLC, Lord Elgarf was treated to the wonders of the internet in the form of a personal search. They had typed in certain names and were showing me all of the info you could dig up on a person. I asked them to look up one Phil P. Duesphol from my sordid past. He was a roommate in college and has the distinct honor of being one of 2 human beings that Mr. Elgarf harbors true hatred for (the other, of course, being george w bush). Phil had called me during the summer of 1993 and let me know that we would be roommates. We told each other about ourselves and seemed to have everything in common. When I finally met him, the similarities began to drop like flies. It turns out that Phil was nothing but a pathetic liar. He soon joined a fraternity and turned his loyal "brethren" against me, even though we were neighbors and had a friendly relationship aside from Phil. It was actually kind of sad the way it happened. I would see Tiny or Gig (jig) in the hall or on campus and say hello. They would look down at their feet and scurry away as if to say, "I would really like to say hello but with the guidelines put forth by this brotherhood that I paid a substantial amount of money to become a member of I simply cannot. I wish you no harm (Lord Elgarf) but am simply unallowed to say hello to you."

Obviously the ignorant fucks weren't that eloquent, but you get the gist. All that was bad enough, but then the pathetic phoney threatened physical harm on me. He was going to throw me out of the second floor window, as I recall.

Anyway, it has been 15 years and the fires haven't died. I promised myself back then that I would water Phil's grave,

WITH MY OWN PISS!!!!!!!!

As you can imagine, I was very disappointed to find that Phil was still living in small town Pennsylvania with that skinny little bitch he was dating at the time. When I told the Chief this he wanted to know where I wanted him to be living! Imagine that! I said, "NO THAT'S THE PROBLEM!"

So, as awful as it may sound, I want to outlive Phil. I don't care if he lives to be 90, as long as I can live one day longer to make that pilgrimage to that small town in Pennsylvania. Hell, I don't care if I stop breathing in mid-stream, as long as I get to water that asshole's grave.

Amen.

Remember a Day

Remember a day before today
A day when you were young
Free to play along with time
Evening never comes

Sing a song that can't be sung
Without the morning's kiss
Queen you shall be if you wish
Look for your king

Why can't we play today?
Why can't we stay that way?

Climb your favourite apple tree
Try to catch the sun
Hide from your little brother's gun
Dream yourself away
Why can't we reach the sun?
Why can't we blow the years away?

-RW 1968



Richard Wright
28 July 1943 - 15 September 2008

Rock Ass Shit

As many of you know, one of Lord Elgarf's favorite pastimes is collecting vinyl lps. With the advent of the MP3 I've been having a blast importing, converting and listening to these classic tracks on the ipod. One of my favorite collection titles is ROCK ASS SHIT. I had a series of these cds which I would keep in the car and, as you can imagine, the cd library got larger and more difficult to transport, but, DAMMIT, I didn't care! I brought them along anyway!

At any rate I have been working for the last few weeks compiling a ROCK ASS collection that incorporated the old playlists with some new ones. I have listed below the first 60 tracks in this series.

Can't Explain 1965 2:09 The Who Meaty, Beaty, Big...
Break on Through 1967 2:33 The Doors The Doors
Sunshine of Your Love 1967 4:17 Cream Disraeli Gears
Born on the Bayou 1969 5:18 Creedence Clearwater Revival Bayou Country
Carry On 1970 4:30 Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young Deja Vu
No Time 1970 3:55 The Guess Who American Woman
What is and What Should Never Be 1969 4:50 Led Zeppelin Led Zeppelin II
Gimme Shelter 1970 4:39 The Rolling Stones Hot Rocks
From the Beginning 1972 4:18 Emerson, Lake and Palmer Trilogy
Woodstock 1970 4:01 Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young Deja Vu
Jessica 1973 7:11 The Allman Brothers Band Brothers and Sisters
Another Park, Another Sunday 1974 4:28 The Doobie Brothers What Were Once Vices...
Stealin' 1973 4:57 Uriah Heep Sweet Freedom
No Sugar Tonight/New Mother Nature 1970 5:01 The Guess Who American Woman
Peace Frog/Blue Sunday 1968 5:04 The Doors Morrison Hotel
Heartbreaker/Living Loving Maid 1969 7:01 Led Zeppelin Led Zeppelin II
Foreplay/Long Time 1976 7:53 Boston Boston
Light Up 1975 4:17 Styx Equinox
Angel of Mercy 4:36 Dire Straits Communique (LP)
Two Tickets to Paradise 1977 4:04 Eddie Money Eddie Money
Crazy on You 1976 4:56 Heart Dreamboat Annie
Lovin', Touchin', Squeezin' 1979 3:57 Journey Evolution
Bloody Well Right 1974 4:33 Supertramp Crime of the Century
The Seeker 1970 3:16 The Who Meaty, Beaty, Big and Bouncy
20th Century Fox 1967 2:40 The Doors The Doors
Hey,Hey What Can I Do 1970 4:05 Led Zeppelin The New Age of Atlantic
Blackwater 1974 4:17 The Doobie Brothers What Were Once Vices...
More than a Feeling 1976 4:50 Boston Boston
Midnight Rider 2:59 Allman Brothers Band Beginnings 2 (Idlewild South)The Southern Cross 1982 4:48 Crosby, Stills and Nash Daylight Again
Ramble On 1969 4:25 Led Zeppelin Led Zeppelin II
Naked Eye 1969 5:23 The Who Odds and Sods
Closer to Home 1970 10:06 Grand Funk Railroad Closer to Home
Starship Trooper 9:35 Yes The Yes Album
Ride My See-Saw 3:44 the Moody Blues Anthology
Solsbry Hill 4:20 Peter Gabriel Peter Gabriel
Lorelei 1975 3:29 Styx Equinox
Gimme Some Water 1978 3:42 Eddie Money Life for the Taking
Heaven and Hell 4:58 John Entwistle Smash Your Head...
Lovely to See You 2:39 the Moody Blues Anthology
Going for the One 5:36 Yes Going for the One
The Grand Illusion 1977 4:35 Styx The Grand Illusion
Baby Hold On 1977 3:35 Eddie Money Eddie Money
Do It Again 1972 5:57 Steely Dan Can't Buy a Thrill
My Size 3:57 John Entwistle Smash Your Head...
21st Century Schizoid Man 7:23 King Crimson Court of the Crimson King
Roundabout 8:36 Yes Fragile
Fooling Yourself 1977 5:29 Styx The Grand Illusion
Free Four 1972 4:17 Pink Floyd Obscured by Clouds
Gemini Dream 4:07 the Moody Blues Anthology
Don't Take Me Alive 1976 4:16 Steely Dan The Royal Scam
Song for Sonny Liston 5:31 Mark Knopfler One Take Radio Sessions
South Side of the Sky 8:09 Yes Fragile
Apron Strings 3:47 John Entwistle Whistle Rymes
The Low Spark of High Heeled Boys 11:43 Traffic The Low Spark of High Heeled Boys
Games Without Frontiers 4:03 Peter Gabriel Peter Gabriel
I've Got a Feeling 3:38 The Beatles Let it Be
Come Sail Away 1977 6:01 Styx The Grand Illusion
I Know What I Like In Your Wardrobe 4:14 Genesis Selling England by the Pound
Whipping Post 5:29 Allman Brothers Band The Allman Brothers Band

Some tracks don't have the date of release on them. This is pure laziness on my part. I have the information but didn't label them at the time and just didn't feel like looking them up now. You will also notice that many of my personal favorites are absent from the list. While "Black Cow", "Dogs", "Thick as a Brick" and countless others rank far higher on my personal list, they really do not fit in well with theses other tracks be it for length of time or difference in style. I have arranged them so that one song logically flows into another and am happy with the results. The current play time is 4.9 hours.

What do you think of this list? What would you add or subtract? As I said these are just the first 60 there are many more to come. What is my collection lacking? I look forward to hearing your suggestions.

Scaredy-Crats

For once I agree with an Obama supporter. Jamal from (insert city here) is currently speaking to Ed Schultz's surrogate Nor Man Gold Man and pleading him to stop attacking Sarah Palin. MCCAIN, MCCAIN, MCCAIN is Jamal's issue. I have earned some new respect for the Obama crowd.

Why is it that two weeks later the democrats are still harping on this woman? What happened to that sugar-high induced by "I have a dream" part 2? Why are you folks so threatened by Senator Palin?

At this point in the game, you are coming off of 8 years of the worst administration in history. Once again the democrats should have this election wrapped up no contest, just like in 2000 and 2004. They should be singing the praises of their messianic candidate and holding public appearances where he performs minor miracles for the crowd (major miracles could easily go for $1000 a plate). But what do we get? "You can put lipstick on a pig and you still have a pig". She has no experience. She is not ready to lead this nation. Talk about the pot calling the kettle "black."

And what is the deal with the sudden importance of Hillary Clinton? I have heard from several sources that she needs to be out there stumping for Obama day and night. Why? If she was not qualified enough to be your candidate and you can do this thing without her why are we pissing and moaning that she won't attack Sarah Palin? SHE OWES YOU NOTHING!

Please tell me, oh great democrats, that you are not scared that when it comes down to issues and qualifications that John McCain beats you. If having a female Vice-Presidential candidate really threatens your "First Black Party Nominee" status you are admitting to all of us that this was nothing more than a gimmick and a gamble. Isn't Senator Obama worth more than that? Why does Governor Palin threaten Senator Obama so? The number of days served in their respective positions is the same. They ARE EQUALLY QUALIFIED.

So, that is that. Governor Palin is the least of our worries. Let's get back to the facts or lack thereof.

Got Over It

You know, in retrospect, those people were right. All those people who said that all the Hillary fans need to just get over it and focus on the general election. I admit it was difficult, but she lost and Obama won. Time heals blah, blah, blah. The primary is long over and the same will soon be said about the conventions. We as Americans need to focus on the future and getting this country back on the right track. After listening to Governor Palin speak last night I was given a new HOPE. There is definitely CHANGE on the way and I am very excited to take part in this historical election! It is about time that we get the female perspective in the executive branch and since the democrats didn't have someone to fit the qualifications at least the Republicans do.

In 2000 I voted AGAINST bush. Then in 2004 I voted AGAINST him again. In the spring of 2008 I voted FOR Hillary and in the fall I was looking forward to voting AGAINST Barack Obama. I am proud to say that now I will be voting FOR John McCain and Sarah Palin.