Hand-Me-Down World

I don't know why it took me so long to relay this story, but I think you will enjoy it. I was just speaking to my sister about possible x-mas gifts and had mentioned that if she had any hand-me-downs they would be much appreciated. Does that sound strange? As it turns out, my brother-in-law and I am similar in size. Being ever fashion conscious, my sister passes on to me things that he no longer wears. As I have no interest in clothes shopping it works out to my advantage. This brings me to my favorite pair of pants of all time.

Size 34 waist 30 length Khaki, Corduroy, Old Navy Carpenter pants with a side strap for a hammer ("good evening, your excellency. How hangs the hammer?" -George Carlin). These are the most comfortable pants I ever remember wearing. They feel better than worn in jeans, yet look professional enough to wear to work. Having said that, they have fallen into disrepair. Probably 2 years ago the back right pocket got caught on something and was nearly ripped off. Luckily the hole was not large enough to take away from the overall presence. I just stopped using that pocket. The front, right-hand pocket where I keep my keys had become another story, however. First the corduroy became worn away. It started to look like a bald spot (yeah, I know. Keep your smart-ass comments to yourself!). Then, about 2 weeks ago I noticed a hole started to be worn into the thinning fabric. At this point I should have retired the pants. They have served me well. I just couldn't let them go.

This brings us to 2 Thursdays ago (or thereabouts). I was on the job and it was about 1:45 pm. I was having a disagreement with a co-worker pertaining to Jolt Cola. I insisted that that was in fact the name of this highly caffeinated beverage and that the label was red with white lettering and a yellow lightning bolt going through the "O". He countered that it was actually Jolt Energy drink and had a different colored label, let's say blue. I had yet another co-worker go to the computer to download an image and prove myself right and the other party wrong ("what an asshole! "-the horse and buggy man). I was squeezing my way between a table and the back of a chair with a loose bolt sticking out when I looked up at the computer screen and saw the exact Jolt label that I had described minutes before. I called everyone's attention to the screen pointing out that I was right and the other person was wrong (man, that really is an asshole thing to do!)

"And they tried to tell me otherwise!" I announced, just as I heard a RRRRIIIIIPPPPPPPPPP! I then felt a cool breeze where there should not have been one. I looked down to see that the frayed pocket of those treasured pants had caught the loose bolt and had torn a hole revealing a pale, hairy thigh.

Needless to say, there were 15 people pointing and laughing at me ("as I lay in a pool of my own blood..." no, it wasn't quite that bad). What could I do? I joined the laughter. It was hilarious. I grabbed some masking tape and did this...

Later, as we were walking out of the building, people were asking me about my new fashion trend. A witness relayed the tale as he saw it, "Yeah, you were acting all cocky because you were right about that label, and then RIP!"

I stopped and thought about it and said, "I guess you're right. What a jerk. That's what I get."