Chicago 2016

The more Obama does the prouder I get. He keeps proving that I was right and the democratic party was wrong. They picked the wrong horse. Has this clown nothing better to do than to leave the country and make a personal appeal at the International Olympic Committee for his "hometown" of Chicago? What did Michelle say? It's no holds barred? It was something inane like that. He likes to think he is making all these historic "firsts". No other sitting president has done this. Now we know why. Because when you don't come through it looks very pathetic. Is he trying to divert attention from his failing health care, war in Iraq-Afghanistan-Iran, and government-run automotive strategies? Yes. He cannot seem to run the country so he goes out and does what he is good at: campaigning.

How sad. Millions flocked to the polls to vote for their hopes and dreams. He has squandered them.

I said before and will reiterate here that the "First African-American President" thing was nothing but a gimmick. What are the history books going to say? "Barack Obama may have been the first African-American elected to the presidency, but he clearly wasn't ready for Prime-Time."

What a legacy. That's how I want to be remembered.

"YOU LIE!"

You know what the worst thing about Joe Wilson's outburst was? The disrespect he showed for the office of the president? No. The contempt he showed for his colleagues? No. The result is simply this: the Do-Nothing Congress will continue to do nothing and now they have a mandate for it. Now they are debating whether there should be a resolution to reprimand Joe Wilson. Next will come the drafting of said resolution, the voting on said resolution and finally the passing of the same. What does this accomplish? Joe Wilson did a BAD thing. Don't you try to do a Bad thing like Joe Wilson in the future. We, the democrats, are in power, we put up with 8 years of Bush stomping on our rights and so now we are going to pass this resolution because we can.

That is all very true and I don't begrudge them that. But is this all they've got? A target that is this obvious? What happened to pursuing war-crimes charges of the previous administration? What happened to passing health-care reform so all Americans can afford a plan?

I've got a better idea. Let's waste more time reprimanding a guy who has already apologized for his rude conduct. This is why I now think of myself as an Independent. I was raised with the understanding that the Republicans look out for the rich. They are the bad guys. So, by default the Democrats must be the good guys looking out for the rest of us. Lately the party has fallen short of the mark. I don't have any new-found faith in the conservative movement but, for Chrissakes can't these Democrats get anything right?!

Nutrient / Waste

As many of you know, since the election I have little to say on here. I heard something today, however, that was screaming at me to post so here it is:

Driving home from work I had on NPR's Talk of the Nation. While I have given up on All Things Considered I still like that Neil Conen and it usually makes for an interesting drive home, but that's not what the post is about. There was a promo for this weekend's "Living On Earth" which airs sometime Saturday afternoon here. The announcer led into the piece using the term, "Cow Patty." Sure enough it did its job and got my attention. Next thing you know some hippie chick is saying, "...we don't like to call it waste. We call it 'nutrient' because it is used to fuel our lamps and generate electricity."

Listen, honey. What you are doing is not noble. If you want to literally burn shit to fuel your eco-friendly "Green" lifestyle go ahead. It will help offset the gasoline I burn and the coal I waste when I don't turn off a light. And thank you for doing that for me, by the way. But you are still burning SHIT. You can give it any mother earth lovin' term you want but the fact remains that it is waste. If it is so full of nutrients and life why does the cow need to shit it out? Shouldn't they use those nutrients in their bodies? Maybe you should stop shitting as well.

Maybe you already have.

"everybody's gonna want a dose..."

I am 35 and pretend to know a thing or two about music. Since I was a kid I have loved Quinn the Eskimo, not in a homo-erotic way, mind you. I'm referring to The Mighty Quinn, that Bob Dylan song about an eskimo or a drug dealer or whatever the hell he was supposed to be. I remember finding the track on Bob Dylan's Greatest Hits Volume 2 in my uncle's record collection when I was probably 10 or 12. As I played that much anticipated band I was very disappointed to hear what sounded like a group of drunk individuals wailing to that beloved tune. Where were the whistles? Where was the emphasis on the "t" on "Come on withouttttttttttt"?

I have since added a number of Bob Dylan records to my own collection. Haven't found Quinn. I admitted defeat and put it out of my mind.

Well, I must have heard the song recently because it has been on my mind again. I went to iTunes looking for it. No luck. Then I did a Wikipedia search...

Manfred Mann! After Dylan wrote the song but before he released his own version of it Manfred Mann recorded the single in 1968. This is the one I have been looking for all these years. I know, I could have done a search sooner but it was just one of those things. I got distracted, forgot about it. At any rate I bought the song from iTunes and it is now on the iPod. I am looking forward to getting into Manfred Mann and finding other treasures. I thought they were just "Doo-Wah-Diddy" and "Blinded by the Light," both of which are good songs but they are no Quinn!

Ponzie Scheme

Now I understand that Bernie Madoff was a bad guy and that he cheated a lot of people out of billions of dollars taking their investments and spending them. What I don't understand is what this has to do with "Ponzie."

Wasn't he that "square" on Happy Days that used to wear the cardigan and ride around on the motorcycle saying "Eyyyyy"? What was the name of the guy that played him? Anson Winkler I think it was. Yeah, he had that slicked back 50s style hair and was always kissing Marion Ross's ass, "It's very nice to see you Mrs. Cunningham" he would say and then he would hit the juke box with his elbow and get a free song out of it. Come to think of it, he was kind of a Jekyl and Hyde because it seems to me he would be wearing that brown leather jacket when he would hit the jukebox in Arnold's. Damn it! I saw that leather jacket at the Smithsonian! I never knew what Ron Howard saw in that loser but, Christ he idolized him! Well, at least he wasn't Ralph Malph, that red-headed rat-bastard.

But I digress, what the hell does Madoff have to do with this guy?

For a Friend

Where's the CHANGE?

As most of you know I did not vote for Barack Obama. If I had I would be very disappointed in him.

First let me say that I am very happy that the Bush mistake is over. This failed oilman should never been anywhere near a seat of authority, much less the highest office in the land/world. Nobody hated the man more than me. He certainly did everything in his power to destroy the United States as well as his own republican party.

Having said that, President Obama spent the endless campaign talking about change. Things will be done differently in Washington and corruption will be sent packing, unless of course you take into account the newly appointed Treasury Secretary who had a problem paying his taxes. Oh, yeah, and his nominee for Health and Human Services, Tom Daschle received $250,000 in car services from a friend. In all fairness, Daschle did report this. It just happened to be several years after the fact.

What do these tax cheats have in common with the low to middle income people who flocked to the polls in record numbers to crown Obama king? Nothing. You know, I have been going through the numbers in my head with the last 3 automobiles I have had and no matter what service was done to them I don't get $250,000. Now, clearly I am not a former Senator and Democratic leader but could someone tell me why this is OK?

This brings up another point I would like to make. Does anyone remember John Ashcroft? He was the sitting senator from Missouri running for re-election in 2000 against the popular Governor Mel Carnahan. Sadly, Governor Carnahan was killed in a plane crash shortly before the election. This didn't prevent him from unseating John Ashcroft. Shortly thereafter George Bush was appointed by the "supreme" court and he brought Ashcroft out of public political humiliation and appointed him Attorney General. We can thank him for the "Patriot Act" and that wonderful song "Let the Eagle Soar" that he penned and performed on Capitol Hill shortly after 9/11. Where was I going with this?

Oh, that's right. Daschle was a piss-poor leader in the senate that offered up no resistance to the republicans. He failed at his attempt for the presidency in 2004, thank god, and then was voted out of his senate seat in South Dakota. Hey, I've got a GREAT idea! Let's resurrect him like we did with Ashcroft!

So, instead of bringing new hope and new blood and change to a country that so badly needs it the president is coming across like a junior senator from Illinois. He is making poor choices, going back on campaign promises and has only been in office for 2 weeks. I can't wait to see what is to come!

Guitar Legend

It all started in July. On a day off from my summer job I was invited to my cousin's place to play video games. She asked if I had ever played Guitar Hero. I hadn't. I didn't really actively avoid it (like I do with so many things) I just thought it was the newest craze that all the kids were into and that it wasn't really geared toward me. I couldn't have been more wrong.

We spent the afternoon playing GH III Legends of Rock. I picked up the easy level (the first three fingers playing Green, Red and Yellow) rather quickly and loved playing along with such favorites as The Seeker by the Who, Sunshine of Your Love by Cream and many others. I knew that I needed to jump on this bandwagon and quickly! The next day I bought the bundled pack of Guitar Hero and Guitar Hero 2 along with a guitar controller. I quickly moved up to the medium level (the fourth finger playing the Blue button) and fell in love with the blue-haired Pandora who took the stage each time I played.

It is six months later. I now have all the games available for the PS2: Guitar Hero, Guitar Hero 2, Encore: Guitar Hero Rocks the 80s, Guitar Hero III Legends of Rock, Guitar Hero Aerosmith, and finally Guitar Hero World Tour. I Have since graduated to the "Hard" level which requires the use of four fingers on five keys and, here's the reason for this post, just tonight I beat the first game on this level and achieved the rank of Guitar Legend! Don't get me wrong, I am fully aware of my inability to work the frets and strings of a "real" guitar, but this is still pretty fuckin' cool! Not only that but this particular game has opened up music to me that I never would have considered before: Killer Queen by Queen, Take Me Out by Franz Ferdinand, and Ace of Spades by Motorhead. These as well as many others from the other games (Muse, Danzig, Rage Against the Machine, Iron Maiden) are now in circulation on my iPod. I am anxiously awaiting the next installment in this very impressive series.

A Brush with Greatness

The telephone rings.
The following ensues.

Answerer: “Hello.”
Caller: “Hello?”
Answerer: “Hello.”
Caller: “I’m callin’ about that ad you got in the paper about, uh garden and lawn equipment?”
Answerer: “Yes.”
Caller: “What kind ya got and where are... where can they be seen?”
Answerer: “Wh’I have lawn chairs.”
Caller: “That’s all?”
Answerer: “No! I have udda lawn chairs.”

So begins the "Lawn Equipment Debate" from the Jerky Boys 3 album released in 1996. Sol Rosenberg did indeed place the ad but the poor bastard making the call never does get the information he is looking for.

My first exposure to the Jerky Boys came in the fall of 1993 when my then roommate made passing references to them saying that he would see on Monday with his toolbox, f... face. Shortly thereafter the Chief, of the Chief's Forum brought volumes one and two into my world. Johnny B. and Kamal would make prank calls, record them and distribute them for our amusement. But these were no ordinary prank calls. Some were fictitious answers to real-life advertisements. Others were fictitious advertisements set up to elicit real-life responses. Whatever they were they were NEVER (except of course for "Pablo Honey") an annoying idiot giving you a hard time for no reason. They were clever, fresh, and unbeknownst to me at the time eternal. For better or worse they are now a daily occurrence. In everyday life I can hear the characters answering questions that are posed to me and have to restrain myself from laughing out loud.

"Why does he go on about this so?" you may be asking. Because today I received this through the mail:



To clarify, the cd reads: 'To Elgarf, JB "Sol" ' and the insert reads, "No! I have udda lawn chairs. Best wishes, JB aka "Sol Rosenberg" "

Now,I will not turn into an info-mercial here but I feel this needs repeating. I ordered the Jerky Boys (1) cd. I got an email saying they were out but that Johnny could sign Jerky Boys 2. They would include some cards and stickers as well. I replied that that was fine. So, for the original asking price I got no less than 4 personalized autographed messages from Sol Rosenberg himself!

Hey, Chief, I think you know what you have to do.

God Bless You, Hitler Boy!

My sister brought this story to my attention and it is simply delightful. It's the little things like this that renew my faith in America.

In recent weeks one Heath Campbell was celebrating the third birthday of his son, Adolf Hitler Campbell. Adolf is the oldest of three children. His younger sisters are JoyceLynn Aryan Nation Campbell and Honszlynn Hinler Jeannie Campbell. Anyway, the proud father ordered a birthday cake from the local Shop Rite with one simple request: write "Happy Birthday Adolf Hitler" on the cake. Apparently Shop Rite refused. They offered to bake the cake, decorate it and write "Happy Birthday" on it leaving enough room for the Campbells to write whatever message they wanted. This was not enough for the first-ammendment-quoting Herr Campbell who claimed discrimination. He decided the only thing he could do to set the situation right was to go to the media. When the papers published the story many subscribers were angry that such an incident would be reported shining such a negative light on their community that they cancelled subscriptions.

When asked if he was a racist, Herr Campbell explained that he wasn't. To prove this fact he pointed out that he had gotten rid of all the swastikas he had laying around the house.

OK. These are the facts as I know them. You can google "Hitler Boy" and get more details than I care to go into.

But let's stop and reflect on this for a moment.

I don't think I can even make a smart-ass comment. There really isn't anything to add.

At any rate the following was pasted directly from FOXNEWS.com

"A 3-year-old boy named Adolf Hitler and his two Nazi-named younger sisters were removed from their New Jersey home last week and placed in state custody, police said."

I would like to personally thank Herr Campbell for his contribution to the news cycle. I cannot think of another story in recent history that moved me as much as this one. From start to finish this IS InfoTainment at its best! You just can't make shit like this up!