Sunday, September 30, 2007

Cookie Slappings

Ever been slapped in the face by a cookie? No, not WITH a cookie, but BY a cookie. Up until Friday night I could answer that question with an emphatic NO. Unfortunately, since then, times have changed. I went to a Chinese buffet with a good friend and had a great meal. It was all fun and games until I opened that god-forsaken fortune cookie at the end of the meal. Here it is (for your viewing pleasure, and my disgust).

I was floored. Not only did it berate me, it also let me know that I had to accept it. Who am I to say otherwise? Over the years I have come to accept the basic concept of what the cookie says. "Que Cera Cera, Whatever will be will be," it is reasonable enough. We are all small pieces to a large puzzle, I get that. But do we need to cram it down my throat? If, for example, I were a hot-head, hell-bent on changing everything, would this not compel me to prove the cookie wrong? "Who says it is meant to be?" I would ask. "Certainly not me, by god!" Then I would go about changing the situation by ANY means necessary. "I'll show you!" would become my new motto. "GODDAMN COOKIE!!!" I would encourage all like-minded citizens to take up arms and champion the cause for change. Do we really need any more goddamn zealots? Are we not trying to roll back such actions with the Department of Homeland Security?

I don't mind saying I was appalled by this cookie. I am forwarding this message to my local congressman (and I urge you to do the same). We need to stop these "FORTUNE" cookies in their tracks, before they can get their inflamatory message out to the masses.

4 comments:

The Chief said...

Ordinarily you don't see this kind of behavior in a common confectionary.

I was very disturbed to read that misfortune cookie you had there and found myself sympathizing with you even though I had not been insulted by the cookie.

What kind of fortune is this supposed to bring you? Let me tell you, if this is your fortune, I want no part of it. I believe you have a case here - a very strong one and I urge you to sue for punitive damages. You know? Sue everybody!

The Chief said...

I should point out that the cookie was, indeed, insulting but that I was not the object of the insult - most certainly the cooking was an insulting one! Hope that clears that up!

Let me know when the protest is being held - I will be there.

Anonymous said...

I too, had Chinese Takout this weekend. My 4 year old and I were enjoying the fortune cookies, when she told me that she had a "tag" in her cookie-hehe. I explained that it wasn't a tag, but a fortune. So, I read it to her. And her fortune said "Practice makes Perfect." She asked me what that meant and I said I had no idea. Is that really a fortune?
My fortune told me, "Good Health will be yours for a long time." Now, that actually is a good fortune. I usually am not so fortunate to get such good fortunes. Usually we are disappointed with the fortune cookie, expecting it to tell us we will win lots of money, or maybe earn a vacation. What did you want the cookie to tell you?

Elgarf said...

Welcome, Queen! I just didn't want the cookie to be so direct. Something vague like "haste makes waste" or "go tell it on the mountain" to which I could simply respond, "what the f...?" and throw it away would have been more to my liking.